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Super March 2021

How do i address the fact that I’m having a small, intimate wedding?

Kimberly, on April 7, 2020 at 6:34 PM Posted in Planning 0 16

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So I have a very large extended family on both sides of my family (mother and father). However, my FH and I decided we do not want a large wedding. We want a small, intimate wedding with our immediate families and each of our best friends (one for him, two for me). That’s it. It’s a total of 35 people.
We’ve sent save the dates because it is a DW so we felt giving everyone a years notice was good. But I’ve had so many people (mostly family but a few friends) ask about our wedding. Asking when it is, etc. I’ve answered all honestly and let them know we are doing small and intimate. But I’m worried my aunts and cousins are going to expect invitations. Is there a way I could address this on Facebook maybe to get the word out that we greatly appreciate the love, support, interest and excitement about our wedding but that we have decided to keep it small?
The only couple invited that isn’t a part of our immediate family or one of our best friends is the Patriarch of my family on my dad’s side and his wife (one of my great aunts and uncles). Yes I have many great aunts and uncles and cousins and aunts and uncles and more cousins but he and his wife are truly the head of our family so I feel it’s appropriate to include them even though they are not “immediate family”. Anyway, is there a way I could get the word out without sounding bad?

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on April 8, 2020 at 8:57 PM

Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 7, 2020 at 6:46 PM
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No, no, no. Please don’t address on Facebook. Don’t share a date/place. Possible reply only when asked, “We’re getting married in MONTH but we’ve decided to have a very small wedding.” If they persist about being invited, “We’re so sorry but we’re keeping it small.”
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Super June 2020
Renee · on April 7, 2020 at 6:52 PM
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I wouldn’t post anything on FB. Personally I don’t know why people get offended when they are not invited to a wedding. Family or not. But like stated if asked, keep it simple. I wouldn’t even discuss the month. “We are planning a small intimate ceremony.” Good luck!
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Expert February 2021
Reena · on April 7, 2020 at 7:29 PM
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All of this.

When people ask about the date and I know they aren’t invited then I just say the month. If they ask for more details I tell them, but I also through in that it’s small. Good luck.
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Dedicated October 2021
Michelle · on April 7, 2020 at 8:13 PM
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Do not put this on FB. I’m in the exact same boat as you. Reach out to each them personally (not by text or email) and explain you are having a small wedding and decided to stick with immediate family. Tell them you’d love to celebrate with them after the wedding, maybe going out to dinner, which means you’ll be able to focus your attention on just them (versus a wedding when you don’t get much time with anyone). All of the conversations I’ve had have gone well.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on April 7, 2020 at 8:57 PM
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Please do not post anything on FB about your wedding. I would say send an email directly
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on April 7, 2020 at 10:21 PM
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Don’t talk too much details with people, keep it vague, and out of social media. How about some sort of casual family reception at a later date-thinking bbq sort of thing. But always do what you and you fiancé want.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 7, 2020 at 10:25 PM
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It’s not so much that they would be offended but that they would assume they would be invited. My family is big on bing family gatherings, I am not. It’s been huge weddings for all of my cousins and all the aunts and uncles and cousins see it as a family reunion of sorts.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 7, 2020 at 10:27 PM
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Reaching out to each person individually isn’t feasible. I am not close with most so I don’t have contact information. I have mailing addresses from previous wedding invites and/or Christmas card list, but our only contact is through Facebook. Obviously I won’t be sending out individual letters saying by the way I’m not inviting you to my wedding.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 7, 2020 at 10:31 PM
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Thanks everyone. I didn’t realize everyone would have such a strong view on this. Seems pretty silly to me, but I guess I will just continue to respond to the individual people that ask me about it (on any random non-wedding related Facebook post).
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Super June 2020
Renee · on April 7, 2020 at 10:42 PM
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Oh I definitely understand. I’m the 3rd oldest cousin of 29 first cousins. My mom is the oldest of 9. So unfortunately for me, I’m having a big wedding per the family matriarch (my mom) 🤣😂 We wanted small wedding but our family got hit with 2 unexpected deaths and 2 cancer scares these last 8 years. So we are using my wedding as the family meet up. I’ll sacrifice for my grandfather who is still with us and calls me Pookie! LoL good luck to you! Enjoy your intimate wedding for me!
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 7, 2020 at 10:55 PM
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Oh girl. I’m one of 34 first cousins on one side and then 26 second cousins on another side. My grandmother had 7 brothers and sisters, my grandfather had 6, and my mom is one of 9. Big family. And I am, of course, the black sheep of both sides. 😁
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Super April 2020
Anna · on April 8, 2020 at 3:28 AM
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Before the lockdown, i was having a very small wedding of only 39 guest. I didn't mention the date to anyone, not even my parents until 5 months before the wedding. I had already mentioned it to my mom and his parents that no one was invited. I never posted anything, and still havent, on social media. People who would ask me when am i getting married, i would tell them i did not have a date. This pandemic, has stopped people from asking me about my wedding lol. Sometimes is sucks but its worth it. We did rvps, through the website, My rsvp card had only the names of the people that were invited so they wouldn't invite anyone else. I even put it in on the website, no one is invited only those on the list. I made sure of this and it worked.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on April 8, 2020 at 7:44 AM
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Is this due to personal preference, budget or venue limitations?
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Expert October 2020
Kate · on April 8, 2020 at 10:43 AM
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So we decided that we would just let the word spread by itself that we’re having a small wedding. Our family would ask us questions and we would answer with “well, since it’s an intimate wedding, we decided.....”
Some are angry with us, some are sad they’re not invited but the truth of the matter is that this is our day, we’re going to have the wedding we want to have. If they want to be upset and angry, so be it. They will understand and get over it with time.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on April 8, 2020 at 1:17 PM
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Don't post anything publicly. Address it as it comes along. My FH has a huge family and I do not. We are only having about 25-30 people and anyone that has asked we've kindly told that we are only have my FH's immediate family (3 siblings, Parents and son) while it's just my mom and my 2 closest friends. We did open up to some very close friends that we suspect won't go, but felt the obligation to invite and like you, it is a destination wedding.
No one has taken objection and many have been very gracious about our feelings / wishes.

Honestly, it's no one's business but your FH and yours as to who is invited and why. I would hope people don't take offense to that reasoning.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on April 8, 2020 at 8:57 PM
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All of the above, but the main reason was due to our personal preference. We didn’t want to have the big family wedding. We want it to be us, our kids, our parents and siblings and best friends. That was important to us. We also can’t afford a big wedding so small wielded for us. And the venue that we chose has a max limit of 40 including my FH and I.
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