How can a help as a Moh?

Honestly with wedding planning, it's really up to the bride. you offered your help and there's nothing she needs help with in terms of the wedding. but you wanting to plan a shower and bachelorette are really sweet so i would actually talk to her and see if she even WANTS to do those - there are brides that don't even want pre wedding events. you even offering help and wanting to be there for her, is what an MOH does - you're being supportive. for the dress, try to ask her and the other bridesmaids if they know where you can get that dress. you'll have to communicate with the other bridesmaids eventually if yall do end up doing pre wedding events for her.

If she isn't communicating it to you, just don't worry about it. Some brides just don't want that much from their bridal parties. I was for sure more communicative than this (like I told them what color dress and where to get it almost immediately after asking them). Then I asked them to come to the rehearsal and the dinner, and to be with me in the morning to get ready. But other than that, I basically asked nothing from them. One of my bridesmaids just could not grasp that I didn't want anything from them lol. She kept asking what style hair I wanted her to wear, what color shoes I wanted them to wear, where I wanted them to go after the rehearsal dinner, etc. "whatever you want" was my answer to 99% of the questions and she just didn't understand that lol. Honestly it started to get a tad annoying being asked all these questions when I was explicit about not caring about any of that stuff.

She's the bride, just let her tell you what she wants!

This is her problem. It sounds like you are ready, willing, and able to take on the tasks of getting your dress, coordinating the bridesmaids, and planning pre-wedding parties but all those things require the bride to communicate with you. I would suggest telling the bride you want to help and making a few suggestions about how you can do so - asking the bride for the names and contact info for the other bridesmaids is a start. If she is not sharing information with you there is only so much you can do...

I would just talk to her. She may be overwhelmed with everything or doesn't know how to articulate what she wants. She may also be planning something super simple and really doesn't want the "hoopla" that a lot of brides expect. You won't get an answer on that from anyone but her, though keep it casual, maybe over lunch or coffee now that we can do that sort of thing, and tell her you'd like to take some things off her hands, see what she says.

All you can do is offer, if she doesn't take you up on it, that's ultimately her problem and not a failure in any way on your part as her MoH.

I would talk to her and say " Hey I'm overly excited and appreciate you choosing me to be a part of your special day. I love the dress options can you please let me know where we are purchasing them from, in addition I want to talk to you about a shower etc., I'm here to help you and eagerly waiting for some directions from you. What can I do to help out?"

I think a lot of PP have stated this, but all you can do is try to talk to her one on one. Let her know you are more than willing to help and if she asks for it great, if not - so be it. Don't feel bad about it, you did all you could do.

By the tone of your post, I almost gather you are wondering if she's changed her mind about asking you, if that's the case, come right out and ask her. She could just be overwhelmed and really doesn't want the help or there could be something else.

I know when my dearest friend asked how she can help, I did tell her I had it under control. But, while I told her about the wedding I never asked her (or anyone) to be MOH as we are not having anyone stand with us except my FH's son (10). I know she probably felt awkward for me not accepting her help, but I also really wanted (and want) our wedding day to be about my FH and I and our taste and styles.