Hoping for Advice. (lesbian Wedding)

If you have a smaller group a people, you can go big on a destination wedding? Or have a elegant big wedding at a Disney location with a small group. You can still make it “big” with a small group to be there on your big day! All that matters at the end of it is that you & your fiancé enjoy YOUR wedding day! Even though it may be upsetting some love ones can’t go (it’s their loss of not supporting), you also get to have a big step in your life with your other!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! 😊

You can still have a “fancy” wedding without a large guest list. I wouldn’t bother inviting people who don’t accept your relationship, those aren’t the people that deserve to witness your marriage.

I think you should plan your elaborate wedding and do not worry about those who choose not to come. People have elaborate weddings for groups of twenty and I am confident that your wedding will be great for the smallest or largest of weddings. It is all about how you set it up!

I love the idea of going all out for the wedding you want and only inviting the people who support you! I'd be super stoked to be invited to a more intimate wedding with all the bells and whistles (well, truly I would be happy to be invited to anyone's wedding).. but your guests will feel super special! Have the wedding you want and don't focus on the numbers.

Agree with PPs. “Big, fancy wedding” doesn’t necessarily have to mean a large guest list. Have yourself a baller, amazing, dream wedding! And honestly, smaller guest list just means less people to feed and extra money for you to spend on other things for the wedding.


Destination wedding, anyone?

My first marriage was same sex and we had these same fears. We decided who to invite based on if we thought they would come. What we sadly figured out after the wedding was that we guessed wrong. We realized that we should have just invited everyone we wanted and let them decide.... you never know who will surprise you!

I agree with PP. You should have a big fancy wedding with all the bells and whistles even if its a small guest list all that matters is that you both are happy, memories are made, and you share it with people who love and support you both. You could do a destination wedding or something local and make it upscale! We are here to help with ideas if you need to make it more "big" or "fancy".

View Quoted Comment This 100% if they don't support you and your future spouse, then that's on them. You two deserve the wedding of your dreams. Don't let a few party poopers ruin it! Invite whoever you want. As others have said, a big fancy wedding doesn't always mean a 300 person guest list. It can be just as big and fancy with less people. That just means a cheaper price tag (most venues charge per person for food and beverage).

I think it makes more sense to invite everyone you want there and whomever comes, will come. it can still be the wedding of your dreams even if it's smaller guest list

60 to 100 can be a big, fancy wedding. With those numbers, if you can, I would recommend hiring like musicians, a combo, a dance band, any style dancy you really like. You might want taped music half the time, and a band for a max 2.3-3 hours of the reception after speeches and all, only for dancing. And leave time for more of a mix, or just plain quit, the rest of the time. But it makes a big difference. Also, with distant cousins, make sure to send separate invitations for those over 16, and the adult children of some of your disapproving aunts, uncle's, or cousins. And invite them with plus ones, if you do not know their dating or relationship status. A lot of adults (16+, old enough to come on their own) of the 16-40 generation particularly, will never see the invitation if their parents get it. Or if you send it to the parents address, if they are at school, or have been living on their own for years. Parents may decide, no way we are going. No way our kids are going. Some people think of the economy of saving $4-10 per extra invitation, and will put a 19,25,30 yr old on their parents. Not only bad etiquette. But this 16-40 group has the highest number who will accept, whether they like same sex marriages or not ( they may not know many) but have a tolerant philosophy. I get my choice of mate. Cousin gets hers. That, they will support. This generation may surprise you. I know a number of gay and lesbian couples who have been totally surprised by the number of young adults who differ from the their parent. One wedding we had at our home/ farm and orchards last year was for a 2nd cousin of my husband's. Strict Catholic parents and grandparents, and assumed that all aunts and uncles were. And cousins. But a few of us kept saying, you are OUT. Isn't it time to stop putting yourself down, and assume you have a lot of support. Well, money was an issue for them. And to pay for a place and catering and watch $10,00 of their money go nowhere ... Awful if it happened. Which is when my hubby suggested having it within a short drive of all college, grad school, and current for 2 years coworkers and friends. Where we could do 60 or a hundred, with no waste. They opened up their list. We're greatly surprised to have 210 accept (yikes, had to hire a 3rd and 4th bartender and 4 more servers! They had lost track of, or not realized, that as many as half of the children of intolerant Aunts and uncle's married someone if another religion. Or were gay but out to everyone but their family. They would have been happy to see 75. Surprise. And the other thing they did, to please the parents on both sides , theirs and cousins, was hire and Italian festival band for two house of dancing, in addition to their favorite small country group. Find a place that is flexible with numbers til 4 weeks or less out. Many independent caterers I have worked for , rare in wedding only places, can do 50 or 150. They have a core staff, and pay well enough to keep a list of frequently hired experienced food prep, service, and bartender people . You may find some of the older generation will come after their adult children have said, well we are going. This is our generation of family. Soon we will be holding holidays at our home, and inviting them, and you. And shame their parents ( you want the family to end with you?) Into coming. And once there they see, it is a wedding just like every other one. Two people who love each other, and want to start a new family. I happen you can make it work for whatever you call a big wedding. In the new England States, some of the most flexible places are low traffic museums in their off hours, the public spaces, sometimes courtyards, lobbies, a couple of extra conference or special exhibition rooms when there is no special exhibit . Sculpture gardens, arboretums, fancy homes from the days rich city people decamped for vacations, medium size inns, ski areas out of season* and family or state group camping *areas. Small college or University grounds, with 100-200 person non-denominational chapels any clergy it officiant may do a wedding in, with library or president's home gardens and groomed outdoor spaces.*. .............* Ski areas, parks and group camping near lakes that are swimmable only Mid June to Sept 7, often have very nice bathrooms, permanent, over many for their capacity. So 2 groups of scouts can stay on groomed grassy or pine needles areas. So wedding tent friendly. With a flexible caterer, great for May June or September. Your area has more places than you think. Be positive. Have a great wedding!

You can still have a big wedding with a smaller group of people. Your big day can be as extravagant or as simple as you wish! Your guest count should not discourage you from having all your wedding day dreams come true.