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Dedicated September 2023

Honoring Fh’s Online Privacy

Anna, on March 14, 2023 at 9:45 PM Posted in Planning 0 17
My FH is very private - he hates having anything online that traces back to him. He allows me to post photos of him every once in a while (I’m not a super active poster anyway and only have Facebook) but much prefers no photos of him be anywhere online. He does not have any social media (if that wasn’t already obvious lol).
When I hired our photographer I signed off that she had rights to all our photos, so she can post anything because it’s her property. Obviously this is going to be the case for almost all photographers so I went forward with it.
I was working on our wedding website and FH looked over and said “why is my photo there??” I explained that the website is the best way for me to manage RSVPs and give guests info, and I want a photo of us on the home page. He said fine but he didn’t like it (he asked if I could put a black dot over his face LOL and I said no). I also warned him that he can’t avoid wedding photos being posted on Facebook (not just by me but by family) and he said that at least it wouldn’t be tied to his name and therefore info about him.With all this in mind, I want to honor his wishes as much as is practical. An easy way is to just have 1 photo of us on the website. I’m also considering asking the photographer if she’s willing to leave our last name off her website and social media posts. From what I can see of her content it seems like a reasonable question.Any other advice on how best to honor my FH’s wishes?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on April 21, 2023 at 9:53 AM
  • buddyandbebes
    Dedicated August 2023
    buddyandbebes ·
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    Ummm.. what?
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    My suggestions: make your wedding website password protected (note the password to guests on save the dates) and then you can delete the whole page later on once the wedding is over. Most photographers only use the couple's first names when posting on social media. If yours uses full names, then definitely ask her to use first names only. She owns the rights of the photos but not the use of your full names.

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    Thanks Hanna!
    I like the suggestion of the password protection and especially deleting the website after (not sure why I hadn’t thought to make sure I delete it once everything is done)
    I checked my photographer’s Facebook page and she alternated between first names and last names so I think she’d be open to my request.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    LOL I know most people don’t care about stuff like this but I didn’t think it was *that* strange. My FH is a bit paranoid about online privacy but the more research you do on where your info goes and how it’s used the less crazy it seems.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    On FB, you can pick a setting where you approve any posts to your page. If you want complete privacy, you can throw a phone-free wedding. For me though, that's taking too much control over others. Remind your partner that if others have pictures of him on social media or not, he will be looking his formal best and obviously happy.

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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I think it's very odd just how paranoid your fiance is about this. It makes it sound like he's got something or someone he's trying to hide from. As for your request to your photographer you can definitely ask that she just uses first names.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    Lol I respect your view but he just really hates social media and don't want their info on there. There’s a lot of people who feel the same way - you just don’t hear from them much because, well, they aren’t on social media haha he does have a LinkedIn though, if that makes you feel better.
    I personally think his aversion to having his info online is very reasonable, and while I’m still going to post some photos (and he knows that) I want to respect his wishes to the best of my ability.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    Thank you, I appreciate the suggestions!
    I’ve gone back and forth on the “un-plugged ceremony” idea since it’s so popular right now. I agree I wouldn’t go so far as to ask the guests to not take any photos of us at all, that’s just a bit too much haha
    But it’s helpful to hear some of the more drastic measures I could take, so I can balance it out with what’s reasonable haha because *obviously* we’ll have some photos of our wedding online, but if I can find some ways to compromise on how it’s done for the sake of FH feeling more comfortable, I’m willing to brainstorm 😊
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    While I totally get not having social media (my sister-in-law doesn't) I do think it's rather extreme that he was upset and wanted you to edit out his face on your wedding website. That's why I said it sounds suspicious.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2025
    Emily ·
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    Is he okay? Perhaps living a double life? LOL I’ve never heard of someone so paranoid about this
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2025
    Emily ·
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    I get being concerned about personal info but a picture on a personal wedding website?!
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    Haha I probably should have just left that out of my post altogether because I don’t think he really cares that much about that. The photo I have on the website is already on my Facebook anyway. It was just what sparked me to think through ideas of how to be more respectful of his boundaries.
    I think the bigger thing that surprised him is he didn’t know about the website in general so didn’t know how much of his personal info would be on there. When I explained to him why I was doing it he didn’t love it but understood.
    He also just doesn’t like photos of himself in general and thinks that posting photos is dumb - that if people want an update on your life they should just text you instead of waiting to see something on Facebook. This convo also happened the day after I broke the news to him that engagement photos are included in our photographer package so he can’t get out of them lolAlso if he was trying to hide anything he would be waaayy more insistent about not having any photos of him anywhere. The convos go “hey babe I really like this photo can I post it?” “Why?” “Because it’s cute and I want to share it” “*grumble grumble* okay but as repayment you have to go let the dog out.” LOL so I’m not too worried
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Double life was one of my first thoughts too unfortunately.
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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2025
    Emily ·
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    Look I’m not big into social media either but DAMN! Sounds exhausting
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    LOL guys 😂


    We live together and both work from home so I see him almost 24/7. He despised the dating process has said that he’d become a hermit in the woods before going back into the dating scene again (if I left him or died lol).
    Also when I posted about our engagement he actually was disappointed that I didn’t share the photo we got with our faces showing (I looked really bad in it tho lol).
    I promise I am okay and my fiancé is faithful to me lol sometimes he’s a bit of a pain in the butt with hating photos of himself posted (again, he just really doesn’t like photos of himself) but the fact that he has given his go-ahead many times for photos makes me not at all concerned he’s living a double life (on top of many other reasons). The difference is that he didn’t know about the website so it took him by surprise. He’s also just very tired of the wedding planning process and if it had been up to him we would have eloped the day he proposed.
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  • Brenda
    Devoted October 2021
    Brenda ·
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    "I also warned him that he can’t avoid wedding photos being posted on Facebook (not just by me but by family) and he said that at least it wouldn’t be tied to his name and therefore info about him."


    But... it absolutely would be tied to his name. No one's going to post a random picture of a wedding couple without at least a caption of "congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" And depending how private *their* Facebook accounts are, all of their friends at the very least can see that John Smith got married. He's okay with that, but not his picture on your own personal wedding website?

    I kinda get weird vibes from it, too. Maybe not double life level vibes, but this man was traumatized by something in his life that he's so paranoid about the internet. Does his parents have a social media that all his teenage pictures ended up on or something?

    You're backpedalling in your comments like it's not that serious, but you felt it was serious enough that you're asking for advice because his requests are, honestly, a little impractical.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2023
    Anna ·
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    Haha I was backpedaling because I was honestly embarrassed that I freaked out about it and posted this in the first place 😅😂 Unfortunately WeddingWire doesn’t allow you to delete your posts otherwise I would have. Cringe.
    When I was able to step back from it I realized he was just in a bad mood, doesn’t like talking about wedding planning or photos of himself, and was being impractical with his objection to the website. I had originally set up a password and was going to put it on the save the dates but I asked him before finalizing the design and he said not to worry about it and a password is just an extra hassle.
    So yeah, I thought it was a bigger deal than it is. We’re just having a couple photos on the website, no password, and he doesn’t care like I thought he did.
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