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Just Said Yes May 2019

Honoring deceased Mother of the Bride

Lisa, on March 1, 2019 at 5:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 13

My mom passed away in 2011 from cancer. I am getting married May 4, 2019. I've read a lot of posts on this site from people in similar situations along with some really great ideas for honoring love ones who passed. ( Framed photos, memorial table, candles, empty chair with flowers, bouquet charms ). I really liked all of them, and I really want to do something special for her, but I'm concerned it will be too hard for my dad and I to see these things the entire evening knowing she's not there enjoying it with us. My dad puts on a strong face but I know he is still hurting very deeply just like I am. The wedding and reception are going to be outside so I don't think candles will work. We are having a sweetheart table instead of a head table because our wedding party is very small, only consisting of my maid of honor, my dad and my fiance's best man. My fiance's parents will not be there only his sister. So there's no place to put an empty chair with flowers except next to my dad's chair. I'm afraid a memorial table might be too morbid. I did purchase a small table top sign that says "we know you'd be here today if heaven wasn't so far away", and I have no idea where to put that. I guess I'm just afraid of doing something that will make us sad on a day I don't want to be sad. But doing nothing at all would break my heart. Does anyone have any suggestions or words of wisdom to help make there right decision. Thank you and May the 4th be with you 😉

13 Comments

Latest activity by Carol, on January 8, 2025 at 8:50 PM
  • A
    Super September 2019
    Anna ·
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    Generally an empty seat is reserved in the first row at the ceremony to put the sign at. If you don’t want to do that (that’s what we’re doing) you can put the sign on a table near the card box or something. I bought these mini frame charms and am going to put my mothers and grandmothers picture in it and wrap it around my bouqet so they’re “with me” when I walk down the aisle.
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  • F
    Devoted June 2019
    F ·
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    You could dedicate a song in her memory during the reception. Or play her favorite song. Find ways to add her loving touches in throughout the day. Those loving touches could be you wearing her favorite perfume on your wedding day, wearing her favorite color as in your shoes, if she has a sister or close friend have her to be with you while you get ready. Piece of her jewelry.
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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Lisa ·
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    I didn't think about putting a chair at the wedding. That's a great ideas! I also like your idea of putting the sign by the card table. It's subtle and people will see it. I have seen the mini frames online and didn't pay any attention but I think that's a lovely idea, to have them with you. Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. Congratulations to you as well

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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Lisa ·
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    My mom really liked music. Growing up she always had oldies playing in the house. I have a wonderful memory of her dancing in the kitchen drying dishes and singing "dancing in the moonlight". By King harvest. When I hear that song I always smile and song along. My fiance and I have already talked about needing that song to play at the reception. I think I'll tell the DJ to dedicate it to her also. Thank you.

    I've been looking for my mom's pearl necklace she wore at her wedding, I'd love to wear it. But I hadn't thought about other jewelery too just in case it can't be found. I really appreciate you taking the time to write back. Thank you!

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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    Thats why I'm going the bouquet charm route. I have one for my gtandparents and my aunt. We didnt want any kind of public display because weddings are happy occasions. Nobody else even has to know i have the charms.
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  • Jessica
    Super May 2019
    Jessica ·
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    We're setting a canvas I made FH's mom on a small easel next to his dad at the ceremony with her corsage in front of it. We asked FH's dad if he would be comfortable with that first though. Certainly wouldn't want him to be surprised or upset. But maybe if you just talk to your dad and see what he's comfortable with that will help. Today would have been her birthday and we miss her all the time. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Alli ·
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    My Dad loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, so I am going to make them ahead for the picnic style buffet, or have peanut butter and jelly available for guests to make their own. A simple sign perhaps that says "Daddy's favorite".
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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Lisa ·
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    Thank you Jessica. I'm also sorry for you and your FH loss. I like the idea of a courage. I'm making all of my flowers ( mine and my MOH's bouquets, boutonnieres and center pieces) out of paper and crepe paper. After making 100 flowers by hand what's a few more lol. My dad's too easy going to complain even if he thought he would be upset. But I agree, it's better for him to know before hand.
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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Lisa ·
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    Thank you Alli, I think that's an awesome idea! I got choked up when I read your comment

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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Lisa ·
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    Thank you Chandra, I feel the same way. I don't want to bring anyone down. I looked at charms again yesterday. I'm going to buy one today.

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  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
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    I was in a very similar situation; dad and other family members would have been negatively impacted by a more obvious gesture such as the memorial table or the empty chair. Mom died the year before the wedding; it was just too soon and too dramatic for our situation. It would have changed the mood of the event and caused distress for some.

    My mother's favorite flower was a yellow rose. I added 1 yellow rose to my bouquet. I knew it was there, which was what mattered to me, but it was not obvious to anyone else who would have noticed or known the meaning. I had a glass memorial vase etched with her name, ordered from amazon, which was at the reception. Once again, not blunt, but it was there. This is a very personal decision that does require consideration for other family members and their emotional well being. Props to you for being so thoughtful!!

    In my experience, my emotions and needs related to this changed throughout wedding planning and on the wedding day. You can plan for something more obvious and something more subtle. Depending on the mood of the day, use one, or both, of those options. So, if you think you want something more pronounced [a song or empty chair], plan for it. But also have have something subtle in your back pocket; if emotions are high on the day you can simply forgo the larger gesture. That way you can do what feels right in the moment.

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  • Shei
    Just Said Yes May 2025
    Shei ·
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    What charms are we talking about?
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  • Carol
    Just Said Yes August 2025
    Carol ·
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    I was wondering about that too. My grand daughter is getting married this year. Her mother, my daughter passed away with cancer. How can we honor my daughter at my grand daughter.s wedding?

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