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Devoted October 2010

Honoring a sick family member during the ceremony?

Kate L. is now Mrs. Moore!, on September 17, 2010 at 11:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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Hey everyone, my fiance and I are having some trouble and I could use some advice. Last week one of my favorite cousins was diagnosed with brain cancer. They don't know how bad it is yet, he's scheduled for surgery a week before the wedding. Obviously he and his family won't be coming, because they have more important things going on. I was wondering if anyone knew of a tasteful, not-too-depressing way to mention/include him in the ceremony? I feel sort of like I'm avoiding the elephant in the corner if we don't say anything, because everyone knows what he is going through and we're all worried about him. We are doing a memory candle in honor of my father and brother, but I don't want to do anything even remotely related for him, because I don't want to make it seem like we think he's going to die...you know? Let me know if you think it's a bad idea to even bring it up. We're all so worried about him, I just thought it might be good to mention him somewhere.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret Sneddon, on September 21, 2010 at 9:24 AM

Master August 2010
FMS, the barefoot wife! · on September 17, 2010 at 11:46 AM
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At the reception, after your MC introduces you and your husband, the BP and parents, you could have them say, "Unfortantley, the brides cousin, NAME, isn't able to be here to celebrate with us as he is in the hospital, We know that they send their love and congratulations, andwe send them our love and support back to them."
One wedding we were at, the bride's nephew, who was to be a ring bearer, had pneumonia (sp?) and was in the hospital, so the MC's announced that, he was missing because he was getting metter in the hospital, but they will be saving cake for him.
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Super August 2010
Danielle · on September 17, 2010 at 12:03 PM
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If you're doing programs you could write something there. Or if you are doing a blessing before dinner, have the person also pray for your cousin.
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Master August 2011
Meghan · on September 17, 2010 at 12:11 PM
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If you are doing programs, I'd suggest something like:
We know there are many friends and family who could not be here with us today. However, our thoughts and prayers are with them as they battle their trials.
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Margaret Sneddon · on September 21, 2010 at 9:24 AM
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Hello Kate,
So sorry about your cousin. It's lovely that you want to honor and pray for him at your wedding. However, you are quite right that this shouldn't be done at the time of remembrance since that would make it seem like he is already gone. The suggestions for both a note in the program and an announcement at the reception are wonderful.
The best person to advise you about this is probably the officiant for your ceremony. This or something similar is, no doubt, an issue they have dealt with in the past. They will be able to suggest appropriate ways to incorporate your thoughts into the ceremony.
Best wishes to you and every hope for your cousin's complete and speedy recovery.
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