Honorary Matron of Honor?

I like that idea. I think it sounds really nice!

Why does having kids preclude her from being in the wedding party? MOH is already an honorary title.

If I were you, I would ask her to be your MOH and leave it up to her to decide if it is too "difficult" for her. Besides, her only duty is to buy a dress and show up on your big day.

I would honestly not. I know it sounds like the "nice" thing to do, but really it's not necessary. If she has made it clear that it would be difficult to be a MOH with a new baby and 3 other children, done deal. No need to make an honorary position.

"Honorary" positions are generally not a good idea. Either they are or they aren't. All honorary says is "I want you to be X, but not enough that I'll actually offer it to you." Make the offer and let her turn you down.

I was only considering having my MOH, that I asked to be my MOH be an honorary MOH because she found out she was pregnant about the time I set the date. She delivered on Oct and flew cross county for my wedding in December. 8 weeks postpartum. If she for any reason had decided that she couldn't fly or come for some reason she would have been my honorary MOH. But I had already asked her to be my MOH before we found out about her pregnancy and the possibility of her not being able to come, being out of her control. Don't give people honorary titles just because. If you want her in your wedding, ask her. But don't make it some bs title so that she's included, but not really. It makes it seem like she was an after thought. Which is exactly what she was.

ETA: grammar and spelling are hard with wine.

@Rebecca to me her having children isn't an issue at all whatsoever. But from her POV she's afraid that as she's walking down the aisle one of her girls would want to go with her

@jamieLynn @LoveInDC thank you. I think you are right. I guess I thought it was something I could do to let her know that even though she couldn't (not because she didn't want to) in my eyes and heart she still is

@Possum at no point was she an after thought

Are you having readings during your ceremony she can do? Does your flower girl need an adult escort down the aisle? Would she want to give a short toast at the wedding or rehearsal dinner? Would you want to gift her your bouquet as a thank you for the example she's set for you? All are great options to honor her beyond a gift and a title.

I agree that Honorary BM basically says "you weren't good enough to be a real BM." I see where you're coming from, but I think it's better to just not call it anything. Instead, honor her by making sure she's invited to your bachelorette party or ask her to come by while you're getting ready the day of your wedding so you get to share a special moment with her. No fake title necessary!

So you have talked to her about this? Because you said from her POV.

And would it be terrible if one of her girls walked with her? Or of its a concern have her husband or a babysitter wrangle them?

@LoveInDC and @Samantha W. Thank you those are great ideas. I already planned to have her do a reading but i like the thought of her giving a speech

@possum yes she and I had a talk about it previously when I first got engaged and she was still pregnant, and my mother told me she had talked to her mom about being afraid of me asking her and that as much as she'd like to having to turn it down

I don't think you need to do anything then. If you want her to speak then ask her to speak. She doesn't need to be a MOH to do that.