Honorary bridesmaid

I personally hate the idea of honorary bridesmaids, MOH, etc. I feel the person is either a bridesmaid, MOH, etc. or not. If it would me, I were probably be honest with her about how you are feeling. It doesn't make sense that she thinks of you like a sister, but didn't ask you to actually be the wedding, but she asked someone else who she claims she isn't even close to. In my opinion, it sounds like she is using you. I would be hurt as well and I would probably stop being so willing to help her.

I feel for you. Your situation is an illustration of why this type of thing (filling spots just to meet a certain number, using "honorary" titles or making up titles when the roles themselves are already honorary, and taking advantage of free wedding planning labor by kind friends but then not reciprocating in generosity or kindness) hurts relationships.

Your feelings are all valid, but as for what you should do next, that depends on the relationship you have/had with your SIL and what you *want* to do. I would ask her to explain what she means by "honorary MOH" and what she expects from you. Keep asking questions until she lays it all out in the open. That way, you will really know where you stand in the friendship.

I would personally decline to do any further wedding planning for her, unless there are specific things you do still want to help with. Wedding planning is her and her partner's responsibility and you shouldn't be guilted into providing free labor.

This topic seems to come up every now and then, and I tend to agree with others...you're either a bridesmaid or you're not. I am not sure what purpose an "honorary" bridesmaid serves other than making the bride feel less guilty about not actually asking someone to be a bridesmaid. If you are enjoying helping her plan, etc., then by all means keep going! But if she is just throwing this out there to make you feel some level of obligation, I'd want to understand exactly what her expectations are before accepting.

I totally agree with Maggie on this one.....so the bride has (or intends to have) traditional bridesmaids and a MOH......*AND* an honorary bridesmaid *AND* an honorary MOH (you)??? If so, that's the first time I've heard of that.....and if I were you, after helping out a bunch with wedding stuff AND being related.....and then asked to be an *honorary* MOH when there is a traditional MOH?? Nah....she could have asked you both to be co-MOHs or one of you to be a regular BM instead of MOH (and she could have avoided the whole "honorary" mess). The fact that there are "regular" bridal party attendants and "honorary" ones makes me think the bride is trying to find a way to include you while not really including you in the bridal party....and after all you've done, I can totally see why you're not feeling great about it. I think if I were you, I would absolutely follow Maggie's advice on asking open-ended questions to get more info....and be prepared with a way to decline....like "I'm so excited for you and your FS, and I've really enjoyed helping and being involved in the process so far, but I'm afraid I can't wrap my head around being an honorary MOH instead of being in the traditional bridal party. I totally understand if your wedding vision or the venue or something poses a limit on how many people can stand next to you as your bridal party during the ceremony, so I'll go ahead and plan on attending as a guest." Best of luck, Tiana, and please keep us posted!

I have been a bridesmaid and went dress shopping, flower buying, help designing bouquets and making them as well as setting up etc. I did all of this because she was an amazing friend and I wanted to help. I personally don’t feel that the title bridesmaid, MOH, honoree of anything really should state what type of friend you are. You are her friend right? Are you just looking for more credit? If you feel like your doing to much then stop and help when you want to help.

Agree with the majority of posts here - and Maggie's advice of asking questions. I would absolutely be hurt and confused if I were in your position.

'Honorary ___' is a meaningless title, and I don't understand why people do it. The actual MOH and bridesmaid titles are the honors, and aren't meant to come with duties attached.

Something doesn't add up, whether you both are perceiving your relationship differently, she's got specific 'rules' (e.g., "no siblings-in-law in the wedding party"), or there's some other underlying issue.

While helping with wedding planning is something anyone close to the couple can do if they are asked to participate and agree, and isn't limited to people in wedding party roles (or required of them), I don't think that's the issue here. Hopefully she can offer more explanation when you have a conversation.

Holy moly, that is certainly a blow. I'm really sorry to hear that. That is so extremely hurtful. I am sending lots of virtual hugs and healing vibes!!! Did you accept or decline the honorary MOH thing?

I had to google "honorary" bridesmaid. I had never heard of that. It seems insulting if you ask me. Sorry if I'm being blunt. It seems very "I want you to do stuff for me, but I don't want you standing with me". I would respectfully decline.

Agree with other posters - you're either a bridesmaid or not. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a plain old guest. I really wanted to be a bridesmaid up until the first time I actually did it - now I prefer being the guest much more, less work and obligation and I get to pick my own outfit! But for her to create this middle tier for "better than guest, less than bridal party" I think just makes it worse.