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Just Said Yes July 2023

Honorary Attendant Opinions

Mary, on August 12, 2022 at 9:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 2 6

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Here is my dilemma! I plan on having my four cousins, my childhood best friend, and my college best friend in my bridal party. My fiancé only has 5 guys he wants to ask, I don’t want him to have to stretch and add people he isn’t close to to have even sides. I think that’s silly as things don’t have to be even. But I truly don’t want to have more than 6 girls standing up on my side. I have two close friends, one will be my sister in law, the other is dating one of my boyfriends future groomsmen. I wasn’t asked to be in my sister in laws wedding, which is perfectly okay. I completely respected that and understood it’s her special day. The other friend did ask me to be in her wedding. I have been playing with the idea of doing honorary attendants for them along with some of my other friends. This is not girls who “didn’t make the cut.” These are girls that I value their friendship and want to have them involved in my day but on a smaller scale. I would of coarse invite them to the bachelorette, which is not a requirement for even my bridal party, I will give them gifts, have them walk down the isle before my family and sit in the second row so they are quote on quote “honored guests”, they can wear what they would like, and of coarse participate in photos during cocktail isle. Would you be honored? Or would you just rather be a normal guest? How do I make sure they know this isn’t for people who “didn’t make the cut” but for the people I love and want involved outside of the bridal party. Would asking more people to be in this group make the situation feel better? I truly don’t want them to be offended in anyway. But not asking them to be involved at all doesn’t sit right with me either. Especially given the circumstances with one being my future sister in law, and the other one a close friend who’s boyfriend is a groomsmen. All advice is welcome and needed!! Thank you so much!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 13, 2022 at 5:19 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 13, 2022 at 7:21 AM
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I would rather be a guest. I know you're saying it's not because they didn't make the cut, but that's definitely going to be how it appears. They're close enough to you to walk down the aisle and participate in photos, but not to stand next to you for the day.

Could you ask each of them to do a reading during the ceremony? That might be a better way to include them.
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Dedicated December 2023
Marlee · on August 13, 2022 at 10:10 AM
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I feel like what you're describing is mostly the same as being a bridesmaid. It's absolutely understandable that you want to include all your friends in some way, but I worry it might come off like you're ranking your friends. What if you included those women in pre-wedding events, like the bachelorette party? And make a point to take a picture with them at the wedding.
I think reasonable people understand that you can't possibly have all your friends/family stand beside you at your wedding.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on August 13, 2022 at 10:34 AM
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I have to agree with previous posters- I wouldn’t find this an honor, I would think of it as “not making the cut” as a bridesmaid. I understand wanting to have these people as BMs, but not wanting a huge amount of people standing with you at the alter. As a compromise, you could have all 8 Women as bridesmaids, then rather than have everyone stand at the altar, you could have them all walk down the aisle and sit in the front row. Then you would not have a ton of people standing with you, and the sides wouldn’t be uneven. Alternatively, you could also have everyone sit in the front row except the maid of honor and best man; you could have those two only stand with you. Then you would have someone to hand your bouquet to also.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on August 13, 2022 at 12:15 PM
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This is all the work of being a bridesmaid without the honor. I would feel weird walking down the aisle in my regular guest clothes when the bridesmaids are in matching dresses and holding bouquets. I'd feel like everyone would assume I didn't order my dress in time and the florist shorted a bouquet
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on August 13, 2022 at 3:15 PM
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An honorary anything is not a real title or position. They do all the grunt work without the actual position and it never ends well because it’s a snub. Many women prefer to be guests with their only responsibility being to support the couple and have fun, and they don’t enjoy being a bridesmaid in any capacity.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on August 13, 2022 at 5:19 PM
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The fact that you're worried that people will misunderstand your intention says a lot. We all know it's not for people that "didn't make the cut", but that's how you're worried they will take it. I would probably leave that idea. You can still invite everyone to pre-wedding events etc. Being a guest is an honour too.
What about giving the friends some corsages to wear? Or have all of them in the wedding party, and have the bridesmaids sit in the front row, with the MOH being up there with you at the altar?
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