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Super May 2023

Honest Opinions

Pat, on May 7, 2022 at 7:00 PM Posted in Planning 8 14

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Hello my WW peeps. I just need some honest opinions. I'm the bride who just lost her venue to incompetence, and am now shopping around with less than a year to go. In case you don't "know me" - I am 65, FH is 67. We have both been married twice before.

The caterer I am going to see this Thursday just sent me their proposal. For 65 people the total (NOT including the rental fees) is $12,000.00. If you add in the venue rental it is close to $16,000.00
So, my question is this. Being that this is #3 and given our age .... am I being ridiculous wanting the the big deal again? I am so conflicted right now, and yeah, I know the final decision is mine (FH just wants me happy) There are other places we could go, where the food is very good, but they don't have that wow factor and won't have my bay/ocean views. However, they are almost half of what this place wants.
So I'm asking for your thoughts. Thanks!

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on May 11, 2022 at 8:29 AM

Expert September 2022
Nichole · on May 7, 2022 at 10:06 PM
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If you have the money and its what you want I say go for it.
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Jm Sunshine · on May 7, 2022 at 10:43 PM
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I personally feel $12,000 just for catering expenses alone for 65 ppl is A LOT of money whether 1st or 3rd wedding but perhaps you can comfortably afford that. I'm sorry your original venue majorly screwed up...I'd certainly ask for some kind of compensation!
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Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on May 8, 2022 at 3:40 AM
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As long as you can afford what you want, go for it.
As for the "big deal" , my fiancé's aunt just got married at 55 ( her 1st wedding but had lived with her now husband for 25 years, she was
50 with a teen and a pre-teen) : she still wanted the whole shebang: a white,poofy ballgown with a train, veil, bridal jewelry including statement earings, the 1st dance, cake cutting, catholic ceremony, given away by her kids since her dad/fiancé's grandpa passed before she got married and they hosted a banquet hall reception. The only traditional stuff they skipped was the bridal party.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on May 8, 2022 at 7:11 AM
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If you can afford it and it’s what you want, YES! My brother-in-law and his wife got married in their 60’s (his first, her second) and they had a fairytale wedding. Her father passed away a few months later and she’s so happy she had a beautiful event with all her family & friends (and spectacular photos of everyone).

Can you choose a weekday wedding or Sunday afternoon to get that venue you want at a better rate?
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 8, 2022 at 9:02 AM
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I'm not quite sure what you're asking. The number of the marriage or your age is irrelevant. All that matters is if you love the venue and it's within your budget! I completely understand spending more money if the place has better views, etc. You're not "ridiculous" no matter what you decide!
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Super May 2023
Pat · on May 8, 2022 at 9:03 AM
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Unfortunately the difference between weekday and weekend is only $1000.00 And everything else is booked (photog, officiant, DJ) so changing the date is really not what I can do - especially since most guests are travelling out of state as well. Friday weddings are really tough on the traveller.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on May 8, 2022 at 9:18 AM
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Celebrating love is always worth it at any age. You know your money, so no need to doubt yourself. The only issue with getting married older is that we cultivate a more refined and expensive taste with time. On any other day you would pay for it, so why would your wedding be different.

To be fully informed and comfortable, I'd compare your venues with what's included, e.g. linens, bridal attendant, # bartenders, service charge, staff gratuity %, free votives or decor, tastings and food quality, etc. Congratulations.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on May 8, 2022 at 10:21 AM
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Oh yes, I totally understand. If you’re ok with the budget, just go for it. ♥️
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Savvy November 2023
Leslie · on May 8, 2022 at 11:41 AM
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If it’s what you want and something you can afford then you should do it! Even when you compare two weddings with identical budgets and number of guests they’ll look very different because of how they’ve prioritized their budget. We’re going to spend a ton on food and booze but I don’t care about a fancy designer dress. We’re getting a great dj but have a tiny bridal party. We’re spending more on a better photographer and a second shooter but we’re also not going on a honeymoon because we’re not big travelers. It all depends on what matters to YOU.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 8, 2022 at 4:47 PM
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It sounds like you are asking two unrelated things. Your age is irrelevant. Have the wedding you want and can afford. Some people search their entire lives and don’t find the right person immediately until later in life.

As far as the venue, I don’t personally care for all inclusive venues because you are so limited with what they allow you while charging you more at the end of the day than what you pay for a blank slate with picking your own vendors. Plus not being allowed to sample catering until after you commit to the venue is a huge red flag for me. There are many posts recently where couples had a tasting at the venue‘s in house caterer and mentioned it was lackluster to bad and not cheap at all. But when all is said and done, you have to decide what makes you happy.
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Devoted October 2021
Brenda · on May 8, 2022 at 7:19 PM
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I'm going to echo "if you can comfortably afford it and if you want it, then do it".

But that said, that catering bill is about 70% of the cost of my entire wedding (dress, tux, venue, caterer, DJ, flowers, alcohol, etc) with a guest count of ~160 people. Personally, if that was the catering bill of my wedding with 100 less guests, I would say no so fast.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on May 8, 2022 at 7:27 PM
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It does sound high for that number of guests, but as some of the others have said, that is irrespective of what wedding it is, and how old you are!
If you can afford that cost, then I don't think you should feel any guilt about having the wedding you've been dreaming of. Life can feel very short of happy times - why should you deny yourself something if it is inside your budget and capabilities out of some misplaced sense that you don't deserve it?
Also, having read about your situation with the venue etc, the unfortunate fact is that sometimes in those situations, you have to go with what you can get and it's totally worth it to spend that extra money just to have that detail squared away and locked in with SOMEONE. If you keep looking, hoping for something cheaper, you might end up missing out altogether, or having to pick something less good and more expensive still, since it's so close to your date.
I personally don't think you should put yourself through that. If you can afford this cost, lock it in and relax, imo.
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Dedicated June 2022
Kasey · on May 9, 2022 at 11:25 AM
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I actually understand the price, if the venue has ocean/bay views. You usually pay a premium for that. If it's comfortably in your budget, I'd say go for it! Have the wedding you WANT, not what you think is expected because of age/# marriage or any other silly thing.
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Super October 2023
Kelly · on May 11, 2022 at 8:29 AM
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Like others have said, if that's what you want and you can afford it, go for it! $12,000 is a lot though. I'm paying that for a 4 course meal for 100 people with bar and butler service. I don't know where you're located (expensive area maybe?), but it may be worth looking at other caterers.
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