Honest Opinions Needed

I think there needs to be a long term solution. What is the plan once y'all are married? If this is just a fix until your wedding, I think it depends on how long that drive takes. I commute to my job in Houston (30 miles) but because of traffic it sometimes takes me 1-2 hours. It's not the greatest way to spend my time but it's manageable. Definitely a discussion that needs to be had!

How far away are you from his parents? Would it be less for him to travel between them, you, and work, than seeing each other when you do now? If it makes more sense financially, then I don't see any issue; but if he'd still be driving close to 100 miles with these arrangements it doesn't sound too fair to me.

I agree with Taylor above. You guys need to figure out how you can end up in the same place long-term, instead of another temporary solution. You say your proposed arrangement would hopefully last only a year, but why? What happens in a year? Are you hoping you’ll be in a new job in his city by then? That will only happen if you continue seriously applying, and take an offer that’s maybe not perfect.

I don’t blame him for not wanting to move in with you on the weekends and his parents during the week, that sounds rough. I think you both should be focusing 100% on applying to jobs in each other’s cities and whoever gets one first, moves.

I work for a company that’s growing a lot currently, which means hiring a lot of people from out of state. My new coworkers are doing exactly what you’ve suggested to him. However, they are not you. So no I don’t think it’s too much. My fiancé and I were long distance for a long time but we had an ultimate goal that was achievable and perfect for both of us. Plenty of couples are long distance or travel a lot for work but it doesn’t sound like it’s making both of you happy. Sacrifices have to be made somewhere so you guys can get to a solution that works. More than likely, both of you will have to bend in some way. I moved to a new state after college to be with my fiancé where he grew up and lives, now he’s cutting back on night shifts since I got the new job (despite the better pay) because we don’t get to see each other for the whole week since I get home after he leaves. I moved because it was important for him to finish nursing school, he’s changing his schedule because this new job is everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s all about finding a balance. You both can achieve your goals and thrive in your careers while meeting in the middle. You just have to be willing to not get everything you want.

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I agree, but what really bothered me, which ultimately influenced my decision to decline the offer is that the HR specialist specifically told me I would be making X amount, so I accepted. Then after being in security/background check for one month, she comes back and says, "oh you'll be making Y amount." No apology, nothing. Awful customer service. I don't want to work for a hiring manager like this.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely understand that but that shouldn’t stop you from looking for other options or a place in between that you both can commute from.

The job market is good right now, find another opportunity there. Sounds like you dont really want to move but that was the original plan. Right? Make the effort of only to demonstrate to your man that you are trying to make it work in his city. My two cents but you have to consider what's important to you. If you dont stay most nights together, that will take a toll on your relationship. Some can manage it but you would still be living day to day as singles.

Your solution sounds feasible and reasonable.

Gasche provided valid reasons for why it wouldn’t work?

My fiancée and I have lived in different cities almost our entire relationship. I'll be honest.. (and putting myself in his shoes) if the plan was for you to return to his place after the 13 months and you decided not to (regardless of what went down with that job), I would be pretty upset if I were him. Since he has a job that he loves in his city, and the original plan was for you to move back there... I think you should consider moving back there since you are currently between jobs anyways.

I don't think your suggestion is too much to ask but your FH might. you two need to sit down and discuss what is best for both of you. I agree with Taylor,, you also need a long term plan.

I don't think it's far to ask your fiance to leave his job & move, when you aren't willing to leave your job & move even if you were offered a job. I know you got the pay cut but I'm sure you could apply for other jobs in the area or take the pay cut and work towards a raise? I think you both need to take a hard look at this and figure it out prior to being married. Your suggested option of him commuting then living in several places seems like a lot to ask of someone.

Wow i can't believe they promised you one salary and dropped it significantly!

anyway, I think you guys should both have a compromise. Both should look for jobs where the other one is. See what is available and what could be offered. Just see what works out better for you guys - money is great but it is not everything. Maybe you guys could find somewhere to live in the middle and you both travel.

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I never asked him to leave his job. You misread my post. It wasn't about the pay cut, it was about how I was deceived/told incorrect information after asking several questions, etc.

At least you know it's an unethical or disorganized company. Did you have a formal written offer for the higher amount and then they changed it or we you told about the range and didnt receive the max amount? Either way, that's one company and you have the option to find something else. Even though it sucks, consider it a blessing because they probably run their business making unfulfilled promises. Now, you have something else to watch for as you choose the right organization to match your values. I'm corporate HR and you would be shocked at the differences in the ethics and actions of companies behind the scenes. You really want to believe in your leadership and the company culture and your happiness and job satisfaction are worth more than 7k any day. Maybe this will lead to a much better opportunity that you wouldnt have even considered had you accepted that job. Prioritize what is important to you, get past this bump in the road, and work on a plan with your fiance. Rooting for you!