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Vanessa
Just Said Yes September 2024

His family are blaming me they aren't invited

Vanessa, on May 6, 2024 at 10:17 AM Posted in Planning 0 5
His family is mad they aren't invited and blaming me. First off, He has adult children..his second marriage my first.
We choose to have a small wedding (50 people only including vendors with 8 parking spots) we made a big list then condensed it down to the spots we have left. His adopted daughter and I never have gotten along, but I left her in our maybe list. Then asked him if he had any family he wanted to invite he said his Aunt. He called her and she said she could come and he chose not to in this day because she'll (cause drama) his words not mine. Before invuwhere sent out I kept asking him.. anyone else anyone else. He said no but choose to invite his 3 best friends, their spouse and his son. He told me the rest are mine if I want them. Invites sent out, we did out engagement pics over the weekend and here comes the drama from his extended family and his daughter.... even his ex wife because of his daughter. His Aunt we asked who said no said he needed to invite his family, his cousin called cussed him out. His daughter mad. Hit freaking mess and blaming me for it when I left to choice to him. He said he only invited people he talks to..not drama. But now I'm in the hot seat. Insane. I know I can't change people's thoughts but just wanted to vent and didn't really want to stress him out more with how insane his extended family is acting.

5 Comments

Latest activity by Vanessa, on May 16, 2024 at 9:17 AM
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok well there are a few things here. It sounds as though he invited an aunt then decided not to? That's really rude, and I don't blame her for any hurt feelings that arose there.

    The excuse about the small wedding is fine, but usually we advise to invite in circles. That means, like if you're inviting one son or daughter, you should invite all of them. Currently, it's that you have his son invited but not his daughter? I totally don't blame her for being upset.

    This is his family, his problem, and the fact that they're blaming you is troublesome. He should be taking responsibility for his own invitation choices, not you.

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  • Andrea
    Super January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    I think the only thing you can do is keep repeating “We both made the choices for our sides, so you need to talk to him.” He made these choices, he’s the one who needs to deal with them.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    An adopted daughter is a daughter. You don't ask people if they want to come to your wedding and then decide against it. Sounds like he brought all this on himself but TBH you didn't help matters any by going along with it, especially excluding a daughter who has a problematic relationship with you. I agree it's a red flag he's blaming you, though.

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  • Vanessa
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Vanessa ·
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    It was a typo on my part. He asked his aunt if she wanted to go and SHE said no because it's a far travel for her. She was the only family member he invited. He's not close with his other extended family and the ones he said he would of invited have passed. His daughter He's 100% not going. She told him she would make a point to ruin the day before invitations where sent out. So she's out.
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  • Vanessa
    Just Said Yes September 2024
    Vanessa ·
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    It was a typo on my part. He asked his aunt to come and she said No because it was a far travel. This was before invitations where sent out. She say no before hand, so why waste a slot was what he was thinking. But he never was going to ask the other extended family. His daughter said she was going to ruin the wedding so why invite her. He's ok with his decision and it is his family.
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