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Savvy August 2021

Helppp!! Future Mother-in-law dilemma!?!

Chelsea, on November 17, 2019 at 11:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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Hey guys!!!
Sorry in advance for this long post, hope it makes sense lol but I’m Wondering how involved you’re letting you future mother in law be in wedding planning. My future M-I-L is very opinionated (to the point of being rude when she doesn’t agree with something) and my Mom and her don’t get along either. My fiancé doesn’t have the “closest” relationship with his parent's. It’s just how it’s always been, he’s really close with his brother and sister-in-law though. My fiancé’s sister in law and I get along really well and she feels the same way I do about our M-I-L, so it’s great to have her to talk too. But she said she just asked her to make the baskets for the restrooms for the wedding, but I remembered when they were planning their wedding she was really upset/hurt that she wasn’t more included. So I feel really bad to just ask her to do that, but truthfully we’re just total opposites, and not that close either. But she texted my fiancé today asking if she could come over to talk (we weren’t home) to discuss wedding planning and see if there was anything she could do. Anyone have suggestions on what I could include her in without having her step on our toes?!

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on November 19, 2019 at 7:46 PM

Savvy October 2020
Rachelle · on November 18, 2019 at 12:12 AM
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Could you perhaps have her do a reading? Or would her opinion get in the way of that?
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on November 18, 2019 at 12:31 AM
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If you’re doing favors, she could make those (edible is best).

Is there anything with the guest book table she could do? Maybe she could make a cute photo collage (you could buy the frame) of you & your fiancé as kids? You could give her a few duplicates of you kid photos and she could choose a few of her son and put the photos in a frame for all guests to see.
You might not want her choosing your food, but maybe both moms could be invited to the cake tasting and everyone could choose a flavor combo for a tier (you and your fiancé could choose one combo together if you want a 3-layer cake, or his favorite could be a groom’s cake)? Could be fun and they’d each feel represented at your wedding.
Oh! Sometimes the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner? Maybe she’ll volunteer?
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Savvy August 2021
Chelsea · on November 18, 2019 at 12:38 AM
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Yes she will be doing the rehearsal dinner they said, but for my future brother in laws wedding they invited a bunch of their friends and people who weren’t invited to the wedding to the rehearsal dinner. It was felt like it was more for them than it was for my brother in law and his wife. Which I didn’t think was right, and I’m nervous she’s going to try to do the same for ours. But im going to try and give her the benefit of the doubt and not assume she will do the same.

But on another not, thank you so much for these suggestions they’re great ideas!! Thank you so much!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on November 18, 2019 at 1:07 AM
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Oh yikes! Maybe provide her with a list of guests (from both sides) who you want invited to the rehearsal. If you stick with the wedding party, their spouses, and any immediate family (and their spouses) wouldn’t that be pretty clear for her??? 🤦‍♀️

You’re welcome for the other ideas. It’s really nice you want to include her and though she can be difficult.
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Dedicated April 2021
Simone · on November 18, 2019 at 1:21 AM
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I’m not including my future MIL at all. Less stress and drama.
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Dedicated June 2020
Amanda · on November 18, 2019 at 2:19 AM
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Same here lol. I don’t think she wants to be involved anyways
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Expert September 2020
Marcia · on November 18, 2019 at 6:37 AM
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It’s sweet of you to still want to include her when she’s so difficult.

My FMIL is helping with centerpieces, cupcakes and set up/tear down. She’s been so helpful and I’m so grateful.
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Savvy August 2021
Chelsea · on November 18, 2019 at 7:18 AM
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Thank you! I’m hoping by including her more it’ll help our relationship. We’ll see though, fingers crossed lol
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on November 18, 2019 at 7:19 AM
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A tip I was given for dealing with my mom was to give her one task you don’t care about and let her have her way with it. It gives her an opportunity to help, one less thing for you to do, and she will be able to see her contribution.
I gave my mom table tops. After she picked i changed my color scheme, but I still took her input for the tables.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on November 18, 2019 at 7:20 AM
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Oh and I didn’t include my MIL at all. She didn’t ask about the wedding or seem interested.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 18, 2019 at 7:46 AM
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Put her in charge of something that's not that important to you. Don't really care about the guest book? Great, mom gets to choose the guest book and the decor for the guest book table. Other options are ceremony decor, center pieces, or florals.
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Lady · on November 18, 2019 at 2:11 PM
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I agree with just letting her handle a few things that you maybe don't care about so much. Bathroom baskets, favors, personalized koozies (my MIL was all about these - if she wants to spend her money on it, cool). My MIL was also all about the hotel "welcome bag" thing - something I definitely didn't care about, but they're nice to have i guess, so we acted excited and said "oh my gosh that would so awesome if you would handle that, the guests will love it".

We also asked her opinion on things we had already narrowed down ex: "Hey, here are some samples from the 3 photographers we like - what do you think?", "Do you think we need a videographer?" etc. Just asking what she thinks about different things throughout the process will help her feel included without her being in charge of anything specifically if you don't want that.
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Savvy September 2020
BRIYELL · on November 19, 2019 at 4:05 PM
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His mother is a bit worst, I wish you all the luck with yours because I have my handful too. I know she will be upset however he doesn't get along with his mother and nor do I. She will be really upset that she didn't help with anything however she is so nasty I cant involve her in most things and she is so cheap I would be having pizza for my wedding. Not my cup of tea, I am a thrifty but classy type.
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Super November 2020
Ashley · on November 19, 2019 at 7:46 PM
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I'm including her on easy things like dress shopping, venue tours, food tastings, and the little things. My parents are Air Force and stationed in South Korea, while my F-in-laws are only 1.5 hours away from us, so it'd rather include them in those things than no one. My mom was here when I said "yes" to my dress though!
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