Alyssa
Just Said Yes March 2022

Helping a Socially Awkward Groom

Alyssa, on October 18, 2021 at 2:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 9
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Hi all! My partner and I recently got engaged and are planning to get married in February. I have always been really excited about getting married, which he knows, so I have a lot of nervous excitement for our wedding day. As he put it, he is really excited to be married, but since he has a lot of social anxiety and usually prefers to stay out of spotlight, he is horribly anxious for the wedding. I've tried supporting him best I can, but I know that it isn't really his scene. I don't want him to be horribly uncomfortable to the point that he doesn't enjoy the day, because I'm sure that will make me feel bad afterwards, but I'm not sure what to do for him to help him feel less nervous and more supported. We are having a fairly small wedding, just family and close friends, as a way to help him feel more comfortable, but I'm sort of at a loss. Anyone else have a similar experience? Thank you!

9 Comments

Latest activity by Bobbi, on October 21, 2021 at 2:30 AM
  • Cece
    VIP November 2022
    Cece ·
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    My fiancé also struggles with being the center of attention- so much so that he actually passed out cold in high school when he had to stand in front of the class to give a speech! To help him, we have decided to limit the guest list (less eyes looking at him). We made sure our venue has a very short aisle, and he will be escorting my mom down the aisle, so he does not have to walk alone. We will also be having his groomsmen walk first, so they are already at the altar for him when he walks down the aisle, so he doesn’t have to stand by himself in front of everybody. We will not be writing our own vows, or even repeating the traditional ones, so that he does not have to worry about freezing up or passing out speaking in front of people. Instead, we will be going old school and having the Officiant read the traditional vows, and us saying “I do” afterword. I also plan to surprise him with an expensive bottle of bourbon before the ceremony. I am sending it with our photographer to give them right before they take their getting ready photos- I figure it will loosen him up a little and also make for some cute photos! Most importantly, our ceremony is going to be very short.
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    What would be his ideal vision of your wedding day?
    Are you wanting a large, traditional wedding?
    I’d start with this conversation: what is essential to the both of you and what would you’d both “like to have”. Start building from the shared ideas and sentiments and then find ways to compromise elsewhere. Maybe that means a first dance but no speeches. Or maybe a 50 person wedding rather than courthouse or 250 people. Talk together, you’ll figure it out!
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  • Cece
    VIP November 2022
    Cece ·
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    I will add, we also are cutting out all the spotlight events at our reception. Meaning, no first dance, no bouquet or garter toss, and I will be doing the quick thank you speech to our guests for the both of us.
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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes March 2022
    Alyssa ·
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    These are really great ideas! I like the idea of just the simple "I do." I think he would really appreciate that. I also love the idea of the groomsmen going first; we will definitely try that! Thank you!

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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes March 2022
    Alyssa ·
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    I definitely wanted a fairly small wedding, and right now, we have about 40 invitees, mostly because my family is like three times the size of ours. He is super funny though because anytime I ask him, "Hey, we can do something different here if that would make you more comfortable?" he usually says that he's going to be uncomfortable in front of everyone anyways so I should just do what makes me happy. 🙃 What I have been doing so far is using my intuition of things I know make him anxious and either cutting it out or modifying it, which seems to be working semi-okay!

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Lol at FHs response. I can relate 😂
    Well it honestly sounds like you’re doing what you can and are staying aware of where modifications can be made that will be helpful. Keep being flexible and understanding and it seems that he’ll be just fine. If he drinks, maybe take a little shot after your first look/before the ceremony.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    So my husband was EXACTLY like his and it was a struggle with the prep. We kept things small and made sure that he had some things that he wanted—short ceremony, no dances/garter toss/bouquet toss.


    Honestly what helped the most in the end was that when his friends/groomsmen came to town, he got to hang out and reconnect with them without any judgment from me for over a day before the wedding. It was great for him and made him miss me a bit.
    Then right after our short (6 minute🤣) ceremony, we ditched the photographer and our guests and got a drink with just the two of us. That little bit of alone time helped him breathe a bit before going back in for the reception/etc.
    By the next day, he was so happy with how everything had went and appreciated everything that went into it. So in the end it was worth it. But I think giving that time to be alone both in the day before the ceremony and right after was crucial for him.
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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes March 2022
    Alyssa ·
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    The six minute ceremony sounds perfect! We are planning to get married this winter, and I told him that so long as it isn't below zero and a blizzard, I'd love to have the ceremony outdoors (1) for the scenery and (2) so we can have a super short ceremony. He was very on board with that. 😂 I think alone time would be perfect. Our venue has a loft area that we will be staying in the night of, so I already told him that he can take a break there if he needs to. I would love to be able to spend some time with him after the ceremony so he can take a good breather, so I will definitely work that in!

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  • Bobbi
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Bobbi ·
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    I love it!
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