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Carrie
Dedicated October 2022

Help!!!!!

Carrie, on October 3, 2019 at 2:20 PM Posted in Planning 0 49

We are on a TIGHT budget, we were looking into a VFW hall and having catering. Well I was looking at the place we would be getting the catering from and they offer events, so I was crunching numbers and if we have it at the place that we wanted to have do the catering we would save some money. NOW..., my aunt/godmother is trying to put her 2 cents in and tell me to do a country club (looked at the prices and its DEF out of budget) she is being PUSHY with it and I keep telling her its NOT AFFORDABLE. Im def 2nd guessing doing the VFW hall, NO deposits have been made, but Im just not sure what to do!! My FH and I are getting together every Fri to discuss things I am planning on bringing ALL this up when we talk tomorrow but I really not sure.

I dont have family that can really help with this, my mom passed away when I was 16, my grandmother passed 2 yrs ago and my grandfater passed 15 yrs ago. I have 1 aunt (horriable healt, doesnt work) and 1 uncle (war vet, health not great) left, my uncle and his wife ARE going to pay for my dress (PHEW, was worried how I was gonna afford that). My FH has a BIG family but he is a VERY independent person he doesnt ask for help if its not life or death, even then its still VERY hard for him to ask for family help. We both know that his family will help where we need it, if needed. This venue thing is really starting to stress me out and just want to break down and cry. ANY and ALL advice is welcome. THANK YOU!!


49 Comments

Latest activity by Watts, on October 30, 2019 at 1:54 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    My advice would be to not share wedding plans with anyone but your FH. Everyone will have an opinion about what you’re doing but unless they’re paying, it’s up to you two to decide what’s best for you and your budget.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    My friends got married at the VFW and it was a beautiful event. They had a local restaurant cater and hired a couple of bartenders. Another friend gifted them their DJ services. The day was amazing and everyone talks about what a great time they had. Don't stress so much about where you get married if you were originally happy with it and your guests will be fed and entertained. Of course we'd all love those picture perfect venues but it's not worth going into debt or skimping on other things that mean more to you. And I'd back off telling Aunt much more about the wedding. Of course she means well but this is your day, not hers.

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    I just wouldn't discuss wedding plans with anyone. The more input the more you're going to start doubting your decisions. Unless it's something you're already questioning yourself. Is there something about the hall you don't like really and feel as though you're "settling" to begin with? If that's the case you can always keep looking. I suggest your parks and rec department, they have a lot of nicer looking venues for about the same as a hall.

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  • Watts
    Super March 2020
    Watts ·
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    I'd definitely tell her "we can't afford it, so unless you're offering to pay for it, it's not an option".
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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Carrie ·
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    W-K

    I have looked at a few local parks, being the time of year we are getting married Im not 100% sure if outside is good. Its more of the saving money that is helping me change my mind.

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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Carrie ·
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    B

    I told her that and she is still pushing.....

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  • Kiley
    Expert November 2019
    Kiley ·
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    I wouldn't compromise your budget for what others want! If you still like the VFW hall, then you should stay with it. Halls like that allow for you to be as creative as you want with your decor! Unfortunately, people tend to forget that this is not their day! I'd go back to the VFW with an open mind and see if you can really see your big there. And like others have said, I wouldn't share much details and prepare for unwanted opinions..

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  • Kiley
    Expert November 2019
    Kiley ·
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    This is the line I give my mother and FMIL when they want to "add just one more person to the invite list"!!

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  • Hannah
    Devoted December 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I second the previous poster in saying to share as little as possible with others. Even close family members. They will pick apart every idea you have and make you question everything. Without having seen your venue, I will say that while some spaces are definitely prettier than others, any space could work for you if you decorated tastefully. If you don't think you could pull that off, I would keep looking. Look outside of places that are actually called wedding venues (because those will definitely be more expensive). My fiance's cousin got married in an old feed store. It had shut down and was empty and it actually ended up being beautiful with some lights and tulle and it was free for her to use. The other thing I will say is, try to pay for as much as possible yourself. My fiance and I are funding 98% of our wedding. My mom put the first deposit on our venue and bought my wedding shoes. Everything else we are paying for ourselves because we want complete freedom of everything we choose. I don't know what is making your budget tight or if you could pick up some side work to help with expenses? Or push the wedding back? Have the wedding you can afford and make your own choices and if people aren't paying, they don't get a say so.

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  • Sarah
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Stand your ground, if that rude aunt isn’t helping to pay for the wedding, then she doesn’t get a say!! It’s YOUR wedding, not hers.
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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Carrie ·
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    Hannah

    Thank you. Our budget is tight cause we are paying for like 98% of this as well. We both wrk, I also go to school so working another job is not in the cards for me at the moment. My sunt/godmother the only reason she is putting her input in is cause that is who she is. Im stciking to what I told her and that we can NOT have it at the country club. She also had input on my dress which REALLY pissed me off, I told her its MY DRESS not yours back off.

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Have the wedding you and FH and AFFORD. Regardless of other peoples agendas this is y'alls wedding. You don't want to go into debt for it. Don't share details and make decisions with FH ONLY. Unless shes paying i would tell her flat out no. Be like I understand but this is not in our budget so unless you want to pay for it I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to change my decision.

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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Dont discuss wedding plans with anyone expect your fiance. Tell your aunt the country club is out of budget and she can pay for it if shes that obsessed with country clubs
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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Carrie ·
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    Thank you ALL so much for the advice. Im glad I signed up for this site. It has been a HUGE help with ALOT of things. If and when I talk to her again I will put a HARD no on her input and tell her just as you all have said if she wants to pay then ok, if not dont need her input!

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  • Hannah
    Devoted December 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Good for you! Proud of you for standing your grown! I definitely have some of those people in my life too. Even coworkers who just run off at the mouth telling me their opinion on everything. I have since stopped talking about it around them. I feel you on the tight schedule. I work full time and run a boutique on the side and I wanted to take on another job but just really don't have the time. But I say just stay within your budget, and don't stress yourself over trying to do more because it's what your family should do.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would politely tell your aunt/godmother that the country club is out of budget, so unless she plans on paying for your venue, then you will be having it at the VFW. Generally, people who don’t pay don’t get a say. As a PP said, try to keep your plans between you and your FH since you 2 are paying for the wedding. And do what is going to make you 2 happy and not cause a financial hardship. Good luck!
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  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
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    I agree with everyone else - she can say all she wants but unless she is going down to the country club and plunking down the $$$ and signing a contract, she has absolutely no power over any of your wedding planning. Plan the wedding that works for you and keep all wedding talk between you and your FH - you will do great!

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    A lot of time local parks will have an indoor lodge or covered shelter space as well Smiley smile

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  • Carrie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Carrie ·
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    How would I go about looking it up. I live in IL

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    It's going to depend on the area but typically you can do that online by looking up the park system, either state county or city Smiley smile

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