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Just Said Yes September 2020

Help!!!

Kennedi, on February 23, 2020 at 4:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16

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My fiancé and I are in the midst of wedding planning. We saved money and planes and INSISTED we pay for the wedding. We knew everything from our venue (we have a barn on our property that we are using) food, drinks, number of guests, cupcakes, decorations... list goes on. We had a set plan. His father and his long term girlfriend of 20 years tried giving us money. We politely declined MULTIPLE times. Christmas came a long and they gave us a $5000 check as a gift. We tried to give it back to them and they literally argued and felt insulted we wouldn’t take it. My fiancé ended up taking the check ONLY to shut them up. He planned on taking it and them writing him a check for the $5000 at a later date, returning it. Now that we took the money, they COMPLETELY bombarded our wedding planning.
FIRST: I want individual cupcakes and B (long term girlfriend) tried to tell me not to have cupcakes. I told them I didn’t want a large wedding cake. So then she insisted that she has someone who makes them and that they will make them. I said no, I already booked out baker. SECOND: she told a family friend who is a photographer that she would be shooting our wedding. I love the photographer as a person, but I personally am not a fan of her work at all. I already have mine booked and said that was that.
THIRD: she booked a tasting with a caterer and told them what food she thought I wanted and made them a “day of schedule” to follow. I lost my fricken mind. FOURTH: I had plans for a fully stocked open bar. My family is big with tequila and martinis and I wanted those to be options. They BOOKED A BARTENDER FOR ONLY BEER AND WINE WITHOUT CONSULTING US. Then just continued to say how it’s better to have only beer and wine. FIFTH: We had an aunt who wanted to be involved and she is an amazing cook and she asked us if she could cook for the rehearsal dinner. We sat down with her and made a plan and had everything figured out. His dad and B nipped that in the bud and cooked a room at a local restaurant/party hall. SIXTH: They told all their friends (most of which my fiancé and I have never met or heard of) that they were invited. They bullied my fiancé into inviting OVER 200 MORE PEOPLE TO OUR WEDDING. OUR BARN ONLY FITS 280. We had already invited 250 people. Our wedding list is now 450 people. I am sick. SEVENTH: They asked what day my bridal shower would be convenient. I work full time and go to school so my schedule is hectic. I told them the specific date of Saturday August 1st and they all told me know and proceed to plan it the day after my birthday on June 27th AT OUR HOUSE. My wedding is end of September. I have a trip planned for my birthday and will be out of town the day they planned the shower for. Told them to enjoy themselves, as I would not be there and would want the August date. They changed it to the week before my birthday, June 20th....
Smaller issues, B has issues with tattoos and 2 of my bridesmaids and I have tattoos which will show during the wedding and she continues to make rude remarks about covering them up. Mind you, they are not sleeves or neck tats. I have one on my back that will show along with the other two girls.
I am at a loss of what to do. I am days away from canceling the wedding and getting eloped. I cannot deal. Does anyone have any suggestions or literally anything.
Thanks ❤️❤️

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on February 25, 2020 at 4:14 AM

Savvy August 2020
Mindy · on February 23, 2020 at 5:07 PM
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Sooo sorry you are going through all this. It sounds like they are planning their own wedding and not yours. They should be working with you and FH as it is your wedding and your dream not theirs. Not sure on advise but I hope everything works out for you. Have you tried sitting down with them and explain everything to them.
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Kennedi · on February 23, 2020 at 5:08 PM
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I told them that if I needed their help, I would most definitely ask or if they made suggestions I would be open to listening to them. But they are SO Hard headed 😂😂
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on February 23, 2020 at 5:12 PM
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Wow that’s a lot to unpack. I’d tell them you’re going to elope abs give back the money then continue planning the wedding you were already planning.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 23, 2020 at 5:26 PM
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I would write them the check for $5,000 and seriously tell them that they have turned your wedding into what you two did not want and you two are cancelling their plans and doing it as they planned. They will need to disinvite their friends as your venue only holds the amount of people you invited. Let them know you will do things how you plan and that you would love for them to be there on the day of supporting your wedding. It will cause and issue but you will drive yourself crazy if they plan the wedding you want and I am sure $5,000 is not covering all of your changes. Then I would cut them out of wedding planning and let all vendors know they can only communicate plans through you two.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on February 23, 2020 at 5:30 PM
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Omg! Where do I even begin! First of all I’m so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. Please TAKE BACK CONTROL IMMEDIATELY! If you want your wedding day to be the best day of your life you need to put your foot down! Have your fiancé put his foot down too! If they have an issue uninvite them. They will get over it. They cannot ruin this day for you like that! Have you tried talking to them??
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Kennedi · on February 23, 2020 at 5:33 PM
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The 5k isn’t even close to covering expenses. The additional food by itself (not including extra tables, chairs, china, centerpieces cupcakes) would come out to an extra 5k ON TOP of what we already paid ........

I’m just gonna have to be super assertive, which I am the softest person alive 😂
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Kennedi · on February 23, 2020 at 5:34 PM
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I did talk to them about if I needed their help, I’d ask and would be open to suggestions. But they completely overlooked my talk .
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 23, 2020 at 5:48 PM
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Can your FH help speak? Yeah when it comes to some events you gotta put your foot down. If they are offended then they can get over it because it would not be fair for you two to give up your dream day for them to take over. You do not have to be harsh but I would sit down with them and tell you appreciate their help but that the wedding is turning out not be what you two want but what they want and that you are planning the wedding as you want and tell them thank you for the check but that you will be returning it. Most important the guest list will be 250 and you two will keep it at that. 250 is a lot of people and 450 is overload. Tell them you truly hope they will be there day of and at the pre wedding events in full support of your big day.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on February 23, 2020 at 6:17 PM
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Ouf wow! My daggers would come out at that point girl lol! I’d ask them why they don’t plan on getting married and having their own wedding lol. I would uninvite them and if they ask why tell them it’s because they are trying to have your wedding turn into theirs. If they fight or cry just hang up. You don’t need people like that around on your wedding day.♥️
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Dedicated January 2022
Samantha · on February 23, 2020 at 6:21 PM
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WOW! Soooo sorry you're having to deal with this, especially when this is supposed to be a joyous time. But you most definitely need to ask them..fix that tell them to stop and if they want to plan a wedding then your future FIL needs to propose to his gf so they can. 😊
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 23, 2020 at 6:22 PM
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Nah do not uninvite them. If anything do it to where they would uninvite themselves that way you do not come out as the bad guy. I have learned how to make people realize that they should not participate .
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January 2014
Pam · on February 23, 2020 at 7:35 PM
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Kristen is spot on.
Give the money back ASAP.
Tell them their bartender isn't needed and won't be allowed into the venue. I'd also call the bartender and tell them FIL/GF didn't have the authority to book them at your event.
Tell FIL/GF to enjoy their party and that you won't be there because you're going to be busy at your rehearsal dinner.
They also need to call their friends and tell them they were wrong to tell them they're invited. Your wedding is in September? So invitations haven't gone out. Don't send any to these people.
As for the shower...you're busy every weekend except August 1st. Just don't show up to any they hold.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 23, 2020 at 8:22 PM
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Yassssss girl yasssssssssss!
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 23, 2020 at 8:43 PM
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You have tried gentle, and found, it did not work. Write a letter, to deliver by mail or drop off, or Fed Ex Ground it to get attention.So you clearly say what you need to. With no immediate argument.
Tell them: we had made a general plan of what we wanted for our wedding, and were working out the details, step by step , happy to be working together, making our hoped for wedding come true. When you offered us money, we initially turned you down, because we want to control our wedding. Since
___when___ you have systematically opposed every thing we want, torn it apart and replaced it with what you want. We are taking back our wedding. We are going back to our plans for baking cupcakes, and notifying your Baker we will not need him. We are changing plans for catering to what we want. Changing Bartending services. And going back to our plan of inviting the 250 people we want ( expecting 200). Anyone you have invited, tell them you were wrong. We are the hosts of our wedding, and will send invitations to those on our guest list. We are sorry it has come to this. But offering "help" we did not want in the first place, you have destroyed all our plans. We are taking our wedding back. We will send you an invitation, as family and honored guests to our wedding. But none of your plans will be used. This is our wedding. If you ever choose to marry, or simply celebrate your years of living together, you may plan a party with no interference from us. At this point, that is all we ask. Stay out of our wedding planning. We are planning our lives together, starting with our own wedding. 🙂 My first marriage, my FMIL tried to run roughshod over us, similarly destroying everything we wanted. We had to put them on notice, and take it back. What a blessed feeling of relief when we made it clear to them. Next, making it clear to the vendors, nicely. TAKE back your wedding.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on February 24, 2020 at 8:52 AM
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With each bullet point, my eyes got bigger and bigger... I am so sorry they are being so controlling. This is literally insane. I would tell them that you do not want their input on anything. It's your wedding! If they bring up the money, write them a check on the spot for the $5k and tell them you're putting the issue to rest. That's absolutely ridiculous. I'd start hurting feelings at this point. You're already in a bind between the 170 guests over max capacity and having double vendors for multiple things.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on February 25, 2020 at 4:14 AM
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OK first of all you've done nice and quiet and that hasn't worked or your rant wouldn't be so long.
So now you must try and be assertive.
I would call B and say B thanks for all your help but FH and I were talking last night and we looked at where we are in the wedding planning stage and we can't seem to see our vision. Although I appreciate you and dad's help I'm asking you to allow us to have our wedding and do things our way. I really want cupcakes, and martinis not wine,beer and a full cake. My max guest list is 250 so we are cutting your list down to 50 and that's even a lot. We really wanted Aunt so and so to cook for the rehearsal dinner but since you guys insist and I want you to feel involved I am giving you guys full control over planning that. As previously mentioned my schedule is hectic so my only free weekend is 8/1 and that is when I will be having my shower not 6/1 as its too far in advance. Remember to thank them and just let her know I will be taking over from here so anything you plan from this moment out I will not be involved in nor will I have seating for more then 300 people in the barn.
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