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Just Said Yes February 2021

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Kayla, on February 5, 2020 at 12:22 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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So my parent are split up. And normally as a kid I went out to Wyoming to see my dad. He is now married and lives in California with my younger siblings and his wife, who I am not a fan of. My father has been sober for 3 years now. But 3 years ago he was supposed to make it out to Indiana for a huge life milestone for me. He didn’t make it. I’m so scared that he’s not going to make it out for my wedding. I want him here. I want him to prove I’m important. I have no other expectations for him other than to bring my bother and sister out here for the big day. I don’t need his help financially. I even told him I’d pay for his suit and my brother and sisters attire. If he doesn’t bring his wife, I’d be more than happy to let them stay with me and my fiancé while he visits.
He has no money saved up due to my step mom lying about paying bills, and my dad used it all to pay it off. She just got out of the hospital for pneumonia and he’s paying that bill as well. I just don’t want to hear “pray about it” or “don’t worry”. I have hoped and prayed for 20 years growing up to have my father close to me. All I asked is for him to come to my wedding. I don’t know what to do...

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Kayla, on March 10, 2020 at 5:08 PM

Dedicated October 2020
Joanna · on February 5, 2020 at 12:42 AM
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I have never been in this situation, so I cannot say that I relate. But I can say that you ARE important. Your father flying out for your wedding does not validate that. You are important right here right now. Everyone that will be at your wedding should show you how loved, supported, and cared for you are.
You have offered so much to make it easy for him to fly out there, but ultimately it is up to him to take that step. Maybe you could call him and your siblings regularly, just to talk. Not about the wedding, but just to talk. I don't know. Maybe that could help him make take that step so then he doesn't feel pressured to not miss another milestone.
In the meantime, enjoy the wedding planning process. Soak in all of the love and excitement. And don't forget about the people who are present, and who have been proving how important you are.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on February 5, 2020 at 12:53 AM
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He needs to step up and be a father. If he chooses to not make your wedding a priority, that's his problem. It's not yours. He's the one who is making the choices to let you down.
Tell him it's important to you and you dont want to hear his excuses.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 5, 2020 at 5:44 AM
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There's nothing you can do sadly. He's a grown man and needs to get it together. You're still important and matter and as the first poster said he's not the one to determinine your worth. Your day will be amazing and the people that care enough the you to come will showyou that. Have you told him exactly how you feel? Tell him that you want himto be there to let you know that you're important to him?
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on February 5, 2020 at 8:39 AM
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I won't say "Don't worry" but I will give a little tough love. This is completely out of your control. There is physically no way for you to make someone attend your wedding. It sounds like you were dealt a crappy hand and I'm truly sorry about that but it will be what it will be. All you can do at this point is reiterate that you would really love him to be there and that you are more than happy to help pay for their attire if it means them attending. Is there a relative in California that he could ride up with? That might be helpful too. At the end of the day, people are going to do what they want to do. I genuinely hope he makes you a priority.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on February 5, 2020 at 4:37 PM
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I've been in your shoes and the only advice I can offer is to have no expectations that he will be there. If he comes then that's a plus but if you have hope and he doesn't you'll be more hurt. People do and go where they really want to. No matter how you try to make it easier it wont make him make the right choice.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on February 5, 2020 at 5:21 PM
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I’ve gotta say I agree with this. And like someone else said - some tough love. This isn’t something you can control, nor should it control you. Realize that you can’t make someone do something, and focus on the things you can control.
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Just Said Yes February 2021
Kayla · on March 10, 2020 at 5:02 PM
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Sorry it’s taken me some time to get back to this post! Thank you all for the advice! I’ve been hearing it from close family and friends as well. I have been trying to talk to him more about life in general. I will say we have had a rough relationship over the years. I now see what everyone is saying, that if I set my expectations high I could be let down.... again. I really do appreciate the kind words 🙏🏼
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Just Said Yes February 2021
Kayla · on March 10, 2020 at 5:04 PM
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Thank you Joanna! This has been one of my biggest hurdles in my wedding planning. I’m making some other arrangements in case he won’t make it. Do you have any advice on how to kindly state I don’t want my step mom to come?
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Just Said Yes February 2021
Kayla · on March 10, 2020 at 5:08 PM
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Thank you Taylor! Sometimes “tough love” is what we need to hear. I’ve been hearing it a lot from the ones I’m closest with, just wish there was a way to really make it clear to my father. We’ve discussed different travel plans and such and he says he’s on track with saving for a rental again so I’m hoping ( not too hard) that he can make it out. Do you have any advice on how to gently but assertively tell him I don’t want his wife ( my step mom) to come with him?
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