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Dedicated November 2021

Help!!

Madison, on June 2, 2021 at 11:08 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 27
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Ladies please be my listening ear and give advice. I’m dealing with a narcissistic control freak of a future MIL. Fiancé’s mom has said the following: I’m not good enough, he could do better, I steal his money, he should be with someone more like her. These comments all came after the proposal. Five months later I’m still dealing with this. I let it go thinking it was just reaction instead here is what she has said recently: the location and date need to change, the groomsmen attire she doesn’t like, my photographer isn’t good enough, no one would come to the wedding, she wants to do flower girls hair, she thinking my hair stylist can’t do hair, the dresses the decor none of it is good enough. Said the shower she wants to through is not about me the bride but instead it’s about FH, said the rehearsal is about FH and not me the bride. The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be for us both not just groom so what the heck. She refuses to shut her mouth. FH takes up for me but she won’t stop with the comments and I’m at my wits end, help!

27 Comments

Latest activity by Kaylee, on June 9, 2021 at 12:19 PM
  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    She sounds like a nightmare! Who is paying for the wedding? If you and FH are paying, he needs to put her in place and tell her to butt out. If she's paying, or helping to pay, then she has some say.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    She needs to know the date, time, and location of the wedding, and other than that, that’s it. Stop sharing anything else related to the wedding with her as she’s proven she’s not capable of a productive conversation so no longer has the privilege of being included in your planning/
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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    My parents are paying. And FH has said something to her multiple times
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    So she’s not paying for the shower or rehearsal? Than why does she think your bridal shower is for him only? Also, regardless of who is paying the only people who should have a say are the bride and groom. But if she’s paying for anything and she has an attitude like that, I’d say just pay for whatever yourselves. Does your FH have a backbone at all? He lets her talk like that about you?? If my FMIL ever talked like that about me my fiancé wouldn’t even allow her at the wedding.
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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    The shower she is paying for but it’s a couples shower meaning I’ll be there. The rehearsal she’s paying for but the rehearsal is rehearsal that’s about us both. Yes FH has said things to her multiple times and takes up for me but she refuses to listen.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If she is that rude and disrespectful, I would seriously talk to your fiancé about both going no contact with her. You don’t need that toxicity. How is he responding to all this? Does he stand up for you?
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    It is so vital that more people realize how healthy it is to legitimately cut incredibly toxic people out of your life, regardless of blood connections.

    This person has actively (and often, it seems) disparaged your role in your fiancé's life. If y'all have kids, they'll either be treated with the same venom and disrespect, or she'll attempt to poison them against you.

    Her comment about your FH finding "someone like her" is truly nausea-inducing and a giant, giant red flag.

    Genuinely, this person would not be seeing my face ever again. I'd straight-up return any money she'd paid for the rehearsal dinner and bar her from the wedding. You FH stands up for you, but she just continues to act this way, so nothing is being accomplished. You cannot reason with a brick wall.

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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    .... okay well yeah she’s definitely a terrible person... but why on earth would you still accept a shower or rehearsal dinner from her?? Why not just tell her that you’d like to decline her shower and rehearsal offer? I understand you’re saying your fiancé sticks up for you but he cant be sticking up for you all that much if he’s still actually ok with her continuing to host the shower and rehearsal ‘for him’. Are you really that desperate for wedding gifts and a dinner?? Not trying to be mean but that’s a bit ridiculous. You are supposed to be his future wife. Why would he even want his mother there after that?!
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Stop telling her anything.

    If she wants to offer an opinion, very, VERY calmly tell her, "No." That is a complete sentence.

    If she's truly a narcissist, I'd just go no-contact. My mother is a narcissist, and having her get so ticked off at us that she didn't attend the wedding was the best thing that happened to me, ever, in my life. (She, of course, is still waiting, nearly 2 years later, for me to call her and cry that I miss my mommy. ....I do not.)

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    I’m so so sorry…this all sounds so horrible. I would have a conversation with FH about I inviting her if this behavior continues and stating such to her making it clear if her remarks continue she will not be welcome at your wedding. This is completely unacceptable behavior from anyone.
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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    Uninviting*
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Your FH might be sticking up for you in the moment, but it’s clear by her constant commenting that he’s not setting appropriate boundaries with her. Decline the shower and her contribution to the rehearsal and he needs to let her know that if her behavior continues, she won’t be welcome at the wedding or in your lives. And then he needs to stick to that boundary.
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    Yes to all of this! I have yet to hear of someone regretting cutting a toxic person from their life.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Boundaries must be established ASAP. It doesn’t sound like FH is really sticking up for you, at least enough. The only way to avoid her negativity is to not share information with her. Establish boundaries and maintain them. If she speaks like that, she doesn’t get any participation or information. Simple as that.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Yes to all of this. There's still plenty of time to plan your own rehearsal dinner, or decide not to have a rehearsal at all (and therefore you don't need a dinner). Take ALL of this as a lesson learned and either limit or cut contact and certainly don't accept money, "help", or "favors" from her ever again.

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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    Boundaries have been set, she won’t respect them.
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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    He has made it clear their are boundaries to the way she wants to control our lives and the disrespect she shows. Countless times he has told her she will not be invited or will be welcome to the wedding or our home/life. She laughs it off and continues the behavior even though he has little contact with her
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    You have to enforce them. If she won’t respect your boundaries you cut off contact. FH has to put his foot down as *he* is also not respecting the boundaries you’ve requested.
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  • M
    Dedicated November 2021
    Madison ·
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    Because she wants control and wanted to change my wedding I agreed to have her leave me alone that she could host the rehearsal. But now she has decided to have it earlier in the month and at a fancy restaurant and has made comments about it being about FH. I said I won’t be there and FH has also said this. I can’t even count how many times we have said she will be cut out if she continues this behavior. I don’t want a shower or fancy rehearsal. All I wanted was to have finger foods for rehearsal night. I don’t want a shower or a eating from her. I’m so done with this women. No matter what we’ve done she continues. We have clearly set boundaries but she laughs it off because she’s “his mother” and continues the behavior
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Boundaries need consequences. If he’s told her if she continues, she won’t be invited, you don’t invite her. End of story. Little contact is not no contact.
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