Chen
Just Said Yes March 2021

Help!

Chen, on January 22, 2020 at 1:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17
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Hey ladies! I’ve a got a question...so I have friend who’s getting marrying this year in late fall and I’m getting married next year fall. She’s my maid of honor and I’m one of her bridesmaids. She has not found a wedding dress yet, but decided to buy her wedding dress online. I went ahead and set up a group chat with my bridesmaids and her asking to come and do some wedding shopping with me in late March ( since we both will be out of town for another’s friend’s wedding in February). She messaged me recently that she hasn’t found her wedding dress yet and asked why am I planning to go wedding dress shopping so early....


I’m not sure what the rule of thumb is if your best friend is getting married and hasn’t found a dress yet, can you start looking for wedding dresses and planning for your wedding???? I was just too excited about going wedding dress shopping and didn’t really think about her finding her dress yet. I felt really bad and decided to cancel out on the reservation where we were going to look at wedding dresses for me.
When should I start looking at dresses and planning for my wedding when she’s planning for her wedding as well?

17 Comments

  • M
    Devoted September 2019
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely you can look for dresses before she finds her dress. She is being utterly ridiculous if she thinks otherwise.


    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Rockstar July 2020
    Nicole Online ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think it matters when she’s getting married or if she hasn’t found a dress yet. Her wedding has no correlation to yours. However, I agree it’s probably a little early to be shopping. A good rule of thumb is to start shopping about a year ahead of your wedding. You don’t want to buy too early and then have dress regret!
    • Reply
  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
    • Flag

    Honestly it's up to you when you feel like is the right time to go. If you don't think you'll get attached to one and then you have dress regret which is very common then I don't see why not just go out and look and get a feel for what you want or like on you. I started dress shopping and I am not getting married till October 2021. She shouldn't get upset by it.

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    When your friend buys a dress doesn’t matter when it comes to you shopping. I would advise against getting a dress this far out though, since your body can change so much and new styles will be released.
    • Reply
  • Kathryn
    Super April 2020
    Kathryn Online ·
    • Flag
    I had major fomo when the spring styles were released. I would wait until a year out because then you'll know for sure, and it'll be easier to judge what size you'll be. I know it's tough because you just want to jump right in, but ordering early usually leads to dress regret. Also, nothing should be stopping you from planning for your wedding while she's planning hers.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Sarantos
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. Sarantos ·
    • Flag
    Go get your dress if you want it. She doesn’t get to decide that for you. I bought my dress 19 months out bc it was beautiful and I don’t fluctuate sizes.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I feel her wedding has nothing to do with yours. At the end of the day she is responsible for her dress and if she has not gotten hers yet what is to stop you from shopping. You can get your dress whenever but as others have said the only bad thing is dress regret. If you're ready to start shopping now then go for it but you do have time. Usually about 8-10 months is the latest to start pending deliver and if alterations are needed.

    • Reply
  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
    • Flag

    I have seen girls buy there dress wayyy ahead of time because they knew their heart was set!. I would maybe ask HER why SHE hasn't gone dress shopping yet because, it can take between 4-6months for a dress to come in and then you need your first fitting might need alterations and those can take up to 3 months sooo she needs to get on it. If I were you I would try to help her pick a place to go shopping and let her know you are just looking out for her. I knew for me I had to buy my dress no later than FEB because FEB was even cutting it close Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    You can shop anytime you want to but considering when your wedding is, I do think it is way too early for you to start dress shopping but that is totally up to you but I'd suggest waiting until at least a year out. Just because her wedding is before yours doesn't mean your planning gets put on hold. You plan your wedding however you want to!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    Don't let anyone else's wedding planning get in the way of your plan Smiley smile In March you'll only be 12 months away from your own big day and that is the perfect time to start looking without the stress of feeling rushed to pick a dress!

    My husband and I had a longer engagement of 18 months, and we got similar questions all the time...when the reality of it is that there is no right or wrong in these types of scenarios. If your friend is worried about her planning, then that's her business unless she brings it up to you and wants to have a conversation about it - it sounds like she's comparing her wedding journey to yours, which typically falls into the "comparison is the thief of joy" concept, so try and avoid that yourself.

    If her question was one of genuine curiosity/misunderstanding, then you can definitely re-schedule your original appointment time and invite her again. My only caution would be to not let her make your dress appointment about her or her wedding in any shape or form...only you know your friendship but personally I would have been pretty disappointed if the friend I brought dress shopping just constantly talked about not having her dress or the style she wants, or even had the nerve to start trying on dresses herself. Good luck!!!

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Rockstar July 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    You can go shopping whenever you want too. I ended up getting my dress almost 2 years in advance after pushing my date back. When your friend is getting married, or whether she has found a dress or not has absolutely no correlation on when you can plan things for your wedding. If you’re excited to go dress shopping, go dress shopping. Don’t poo on your own parade to make other people happy
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    It sounds to me that she was wondering why you're shopping so early and not at all questioning why you're doing it "before" she is as though it's an etiquette rule.

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner July 2020
    Stefani ·
    • Flag
    I bought my dress March of last year and won’t be getting married until July of this year. I don’t think there’s a set rule on when you can go dress shopping. Don’t compare your wedding to hers and don’t let her do it either, that will just put a damper on your day. If she asks why you want to go so early, tell her you’re excited to get started and want to give yourself plenty of time to find the perfect dress! Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Expert August 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    It’s not your fault that she didn’t get her dress yet when her wedding is less than a year away. You can shop for your dress for your wedding whenever you want. She’s not being a good friend with that kind of attitude.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    You don't need her approval to plan your own wedding. My dress took almost 7 months to come in, so the earlier you look, decide, and order, the better! You're almost a year out, so you're following the rule of thumb! Your friend is probably just projecting her insecurity about not having a dress on to you, and she is being immature. Reschedule your appointment, and if she has an issue, she doesn't have to attend.

    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
    • Flag

    It's your wedding, you do you. What you do has nothing to do with her wedding, and vice versa.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allison ·
    • Flag

    You can do whatever you need to do for your wedding.


    My suggestion: Don't invite her if she's going to be like that. Also, have a sit down conversation with her and figure out what her problem is because that's really unsupportive. Especially if she's your MOH. You don't need that stress.

    • Reply

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