Help with wording - Guests paying for their own brunch

There is no way to say this without sounding tacky. You cannot invite someone out and then ask them to pay when they are traveling to see you. The best way to handle it is to make it a non obligatory event and to spread it by word of mouth. “We will be hanging out at X restaurant on Friday” if anyone wants to join.

Here's what I have so far for the information card

Join us for a full weekend of wedding fun!

May 3rd – May 5th, 2019

For those who’d like to attend, we’ll be meeting for dinner on Friday night, May 3rd.

Saturday, May 4th - Ceremony and Reception

Brunch on Sunday, May 5th

For Friday and Sunday’s meals, we’ll be ordering off the menu, but Saturday night’s soiree is our treat!

Like PP said, you can’t invite people to an event and ask them to pay.

We’re having a DW and our way around this is to host a welcome reception Friday night where we’re just supplying dessert and beer/wine, then just doing bagels, coffee and juice the morning after.these two events will only cost us a few hundred dollars. Another option if you can’t afford to host anything is to just tell people you’ll be at X bar and they’re welcome to meet you.

In my opinion, you don’t formally invite people to anything without picking up the tab. You want your friends to have the opportunity to celebrate you and pay for themselves? Um, no.

Based on how you phrased it, the Friday dinner and Sunday brunch both sound like they're part of the wedding celebration. Considering most people are from out of town, many would call Friday night's dinner a welcome dinner and that's usually covered by the host. I just wouldn't include that information and let people know you'll be there informally.

Thank you for the advice. I knew this would be a tricky situation. Maybe we'll just find money in the budget

‘Ordering off of the menu’ doesn’t mean that the guest should pay to me. I would interpret that as I get to pick whatever I want and you will pay for it!

We hosted a dessert reception on Friday and it went over very well and was economical.

Do not host/invite any event you’re not paying for. For a DW, strongly consider hosting a welcome dinner (Fri). It’s ok if pizza & beer! Doesn’t have to be expensive. A welcome meal helps guests who attend a DW, and lets them mix & mingle before your wedding (Sat)

Skip the day-after Sunday brunch. Let guests sleep in, order room service or get to the airport. And you guys may want to sleep in too!

I think you informally tell your guests where you'll be on Friday and Sunday. Based on what you posted, my impression is that you'll be paying for those days.

Cant invite people and not pay for them. I just got married with a ton of out of town folks too. I have Friday night and Sunday events too. I would say choose one. Friday night was much better. Sunday most everyone wanted to rush and get out of town, Friday night was great, very leisurely and it was awesome to not have to scramble to see/talk to everyone at the reception as I had just seen them the night prior.
Alternatively you could do drinks on Friday and brunch Sunday but I feel like that wouldn't save you much money.

I personally wouldn’t expect you to pay for my meals for three days, only the wedding.

I'd maybe just spread brunch word of mouth instead, so people get it's more relaxed and don't expect anything to be paid for.

I would just say on your website or in a welcome package timeline that you will be at X restaurant from y o'clock to z o'clock on Friday night if people want to stop by and say hello, and that you will be having brunch at a restaurant from b o'clock to c o'clock Sunday morning if anyone wants to stop and say goodbye before heading home. They will know where you are but that you arent expecting others and if they want to eat there too they can but they wont feel that it is a part of the official wedding events.

I'm personally compiling a list of local restaurants with personal reviews for my out of town guests to put in their welcome gifts (which to be fair is most of my guests because we dont live near either of our families really) so that they have an idea of places they can go the day of before the wedding (evening event) and I am thinking about putting where we are having brunch if others want to stop in, but it will be our treat to our bridal parties so I'm not sure if we really want everyone else popping in there too....

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I would be worried this wouldn't be clear enough? A friend awhile ago, before I was engaged and was just a random story, was telling me how she was invited to a wedding and they sent information of all these activities to be done for the wedding weekend and there was no mention of price, so she assumed it was all included or being paid for by the couple. I think when it comes to weddings a lot of people make assumptions and I would be as clear as possible.

Is there any way you can work out with the restaurants a per head charge instead of the menu? That way you can clearly indicate the charge but also I imagine it would make it A LOT easier shorting out the bill. Can imagine that will be a bit of a headache as there is always bound to be people who don't tip the same, don't work out the tax they owe, or just are stingy and "forget" to add things.

The way I have seen it is by adding a note that says "This event is not hosted."
Btw in the wedding I saw it for, that was written by the groom who is not big on etiquette. The bride probably would not have approved lol.

I agree with previous posters. I wouldn’t list Friday or Sunday events if you’re not paying for them. I like the idea of sharing that info in a welcome package or on your website - you can put the average cost per plate and a link to the menu - all of which would suggest that you’re not paying.

We're doing an incredibly informal, incredibly voluntary day-after brunch as well. We are not paying for people, so we will be spreading the news by word of mouth to anyone staying at the hotel or anyone who lives close enough that they might want to drive to join us in the morning.

We'll be telling people "We're planning on having brunch tomorrow morning at one of the local restaurants. If you'd like to join us feel free to do so!" Super informal, super voluntary. We're mostly doing it because FH's family is all from the west coast and they'll be flying out that day, so it'll be a way to spend a little more time with them before they say goodbye and we head up to our honeymoon location for the week

I'm basically in the same boat. I don't live in Vegas but the wedding is in Vegas and we are starting to realize people will want to see us for more than just the wedding and reception. His mom wants to go out to dinner on Friday and he wants to have a mini bachelor party type thing so we were thinking guys with him and girls with me but I wonder if people will assume it's like a rehearsal dinner and we are paying. I have no idea how to approach this. I thought we'd have Sunday to ourselves but he hasn't seen some of these people in years so it would be good to all see each other again but how again do we approach the we want to see you but just because we had a wedding Saturday doesn't mean we can afford to feed you friday and sunday.

Hi Whitney S! Welcome to the WeddingWire Community! I like that you're planning to celebrate the entire weekend! I think word of mouth invites would probably work better, as it implies a more casual get together to just hang! Are you considering making a website to list your wedding details?

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Bless. I agree.