Help with planning renewal of vows after eloping

So, you have a small, classy ceremony. It is unfortunate that your family will likely not be able to attend, and that shouldn't stop you from planning the party-- if you want it. If this is *just* to please your MIL, I'd skip it-- even small it will be a lot of work, and if your heart's not in it, you will come to resent it and her.

So, set a budget, estimate your guest list and run from there.

How small is small? Everyone has a different view of what "small" truly is. If it's really small, I would just have a small ceremony and then take the group out to a great dinner.

If it's bigger, are you looking for a banquet hall style?

I don't know... I wouldn't be all that excited to attend, what is essentially, a wedding for a couple whom has been married for 3 years. I also think it would be awkward. Just my opinion....

Thanks for the responses. I have been reading about what renewal of vows is- it's not really a wedding, it is a ceremony where you celebrate the fact that you are a married couple and basically renew your vows.

No, I would not be doing it just to please my mother in law, definitely not.

I am doing it because I like the idea that we will celebrate us and my husband has himself brought it up himself a few times. He is the one that told me such a ceremony exists.

The last thing in the world I want is that people think it is a fake wedding- of course I will not have rituals done at weddings like the garter thing and throwing the bouqette, etc... I do not care for any of these things and I am not doing this to recreate these things. Obviously we are not bride and groom and honestly this is not what this is about.

But I do want an event where close family and friends have a chance to gather in order to celebrate us as a couple, a blessing of the marriage in church, a picture of me in a nice dress with my husband and the family and a stating of our vows in front of family. And lastly a dinner. Basically from researching renewal of vows, this is what it appears it to be.

It has to be classy. My husband's family is really classy and I want it to be something they like. They have been so sweet, generous and supportive of us. Simply wonderful people. They have invited and hosted us to so many family events. We have never invited them to anything. I feel that they really would love a chance to gather together to an event that is devoted to us and yes my husband and i will absolutely enjoy that too. It makes me happy to make my MIL and others happy. It makes me happy to think that I will be giving an occasion where I am the host.

So how small is small? I don't know. I think a total of like 30 people? Is that considered small? and since I am planning and doing this whole thing and we are paying for it, where do I even start?

I am targeting 2017 since that will be a nice 5 year anniversary and it is not too soon for renewal of vows because apparently, a renewal of vows for the first time can be done at any time especially in the case of elopement.

Thea, DH & I had a good-sized wedding (about 125), but it was before I was in the wedding biz -- so the ceremony was pretty cut & dried.

After officiating beautiful weddings and vow renewals for other couples, I wanted us to have a special, romantic ceremony. We invited about 25 guests to our home for a 20th anniversary party. Then we surprised them with a vow renewal written by me and officiated by a pro. Our d-in-law didn't understand English very well at that point, but even she was crying! About a month later, a friend who was present proposed to his girlfriend (I like to think we inspired him). Bonus, they asked me to officiate their wedding!

Last week, I officiated a vow renewal for a couple married 20 years. The husband arranged everything as a surprise for his wife. I've done 1st anniversary and 50th anniversary renewals and everything in between.

I think that your vow renewal at 5 years is just great! Do it.

Awww thank you Nancy- so touching .

Hi and congratulations!

I am marrying many couples twice, for many reasons. Below is a sample from my web site that has some of my favorite wording to address why.

~ Opening Words ~

“Welcome everyone! It is such a wonderful feeling to be here with Victoria and Daniel to

celebrate the beginnings of what we know will be an extraordinary marriage. Although they

were legally married on New Years Day of this year, I say that we are here to celebrate their

marriage because marriage is a journey not a destination. It is more than any one single event

or promise is a way of life and a series of decisions that have been made and will continue to

be made over and over again that shows two peoples care and concern for the one whom they

love most in the world.

Yet marriage in the larger sense has always been about family and community. Unlike a

marriage, a wedding is an event. It is the place where two families meet and come together as

one. Victoria and Daniel when you spoke your promises of love and faithfulness to one

another, that moment spoke of the most intimate of human relationships. Yet those words had

a power that was more far-reaching than just the two of you and your life together. Because as

you spoke those words they formally and legally joined everyone who loves you as one family.

Today is not about all the pomp and circumstance that a wedding traditionally inspires. It is a

gathering of all the people who have a lifetime of emotional investment in the two and in your

happiness. It is a chance for family to meet family! It is also the day that everyone here gets to

see the look in your eye as you once again make your promises of forever.

Victoria and Daniel, to choose marriage is to accept a challenge, the challenge that Love itself

provides when it wants to grow. This means that things won’t always be easy. But you share a

commitment to putting your best selves forward in both difficult and wonderful times, emerging

stronger with each experience you share. It means that although either of you will always be

perfect, you will never lose sight of the fact that you are perfect for one another.

Although you have been married in your hearts since your first ceremony, marriage in the

larger sense has always been about family and community. There is something very important

about publicly making your promises to one another, in front of all of everyone here, who has a

lifetime of emotional investment in the two of you and in your happiness. Marriage is a promise

to ever one here, that the person they love will always be well cared for.”

~ Welcoming of the Guests ~

“It is not often enough in today’s world that we have the opportunity to gather all those who

mean the most to us together in one place. Therefore, Victoria and Daniel would like to thank

you all for taking the time and making the journey and for all the preparations that were made

on their behalf to ensure that they were surrounded by the love of family and friends as they

made their marriage vows. There are no words of appreciation and gratitude great enough to

match the feelings that this inspires in them as they stand here now and see all of you gathered

here for no other reason than to show them how much you love them. You are their friends

and family, the people who are ever present in all of their favorite memories, and those whom

they love most in this world. It is such a physical representation of how truly blessed they are,

that is both humbling and inspiring. It is the one thing that was missing from their first

ceremony. Victoria and Daniel thank you for your presence here today, and for being there for

them through all the days that it has taken to make this one a reality.”

They did a great job of expressing the difference between a wedding and a marriage. Hopefully I caught most of it. Your post sounds alot like this couple. You're not looking for the party. You are creating community, by including those you love and letting them see the look in your eyes as you once again make your promises of forever. When people really love you, they WANT to show their support. If our memories are like a string of pearls of the most meaningful moments we get to share with those we love, then eloping may seem like a blank spot to parents, grandparents & siblings.

Just my 2 cents. Wishing you much Love & Laughter in what is already a happily everafter!