Help with placing people in my bridal party

Why is it "not a great fit"? Unless the reason is something extremely egregious, then there really isn't a good way to do this without causing hurt feelings, and quite possibly losing this person as a friend.

View Quoted Comment Well…. It’s my fiancés sister in law - we are not really friends anyways and I felt a lot of pressure by my mother in law to have her in the wedding to prevent drama. - because said sister in law is a big pot stirrer but all it has done is created more drama. I know I probably sound so mean. Im really quite a calm person and I take a lot of crap but all of the stuff is taking a toll on my mental health.

No, you don't sound mean. Pot stirrers are the worst. But this is a tough one because you'd be making waves with the pot stirrer, and potentially with your future MiL. How long is it until the wedding? Have you gotten dresses yet? Done other planning? I still don't see a good way out of having her remain as the MoH, but it would be a lot easier if it's early in process and nothing has been done yet other than asking her.

Hopefully, one of the other people who frequent the Etiquette forums will have some helpful advice to offer.

She’s not only your FI’s SIL, she’s your future sister in law. Unless her behavior was beyond redemption, I really don’t see a way to ask her to step down that does not cause even more drama and create a rift, possibly permanent, in the family.

It would help to know the kind of things she is doing to stir the pot. In your place, I would keep things very simple and limit any expectations you might have. All she really has to do is show up on time, dressed appropriately on your wedding day and take part in the ceremony. Everything else is optional.

View Quoted Comment We are super early in the process, we have about another year and a half until our wedding, nothing has been purchased or anything yet which is why I’m hoping I still have time to save myself lol

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You don't. Unfortunately, you can't remove her from the wedding party without really risking key family relationships, especially since she hasn't done anything wrong.

Also sides can be uneven, and you don't have to divide by gender.

For others reading, this is why we advise not asking your wedding party too early.

View Quoted Comment I felt more pressured into asking her before I picked people or asking people. Overall just feel stuck

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You are stuck now, I'm afraid. That sucks for sure.

This might be a good learning experience for other requests that will come your way re: the wedding but also in life. It's OK to say no to things.

View Quoted Comment Well I was mostly pressured into having her in the wedding to prevent drama for the family

View Quoted Comment Agreed thank you

Thank you everyone - I appreciate all of your advice

The only way I can see out of this is if you completely change your plans and elope or decide not to have a wedding party at all. If you fire her, you will likely be targeted for a very long time. I hate that you are in this situation. Maybe your post will help someone else avoid making the same mistake….

View Quoted Comment Yes I sure hope so! I hope it encourages other brides to not give in to pressure from others

The only way I can see getting out of having her in the bridal party (and potentially ruining relationships within the family) is if your fiancé has her stand with him on his side.

So my fiance and I had the same issue similar. I'm the groom and my fiance asked my cousin to be part of the wedding. My cousin would not pick the appropriate dress nor the appropriate color for our wedding. So I intern stop answering her phone calls because she was stressing me out. Unfortunately my fiance is truly my teammate and my soulmate because she placed a phone call to her letting her know the reason to why she was kicked out of the wedding. So then I asked my best friend if she would be a bridesmaid in the wedding of course she obliged and she has said that she looks at it as an honor to be in our wedding. So sometimes ignoring them disconnecting from them might be a good thing but in turn might be a bad thing because we have not really spoken since but I think of it as it's her problem not mine I'm the one getting married I'm the one that is requesting my wife to have the best day of her life in front of me. All she had to do is one thing and that is purchase a purple dress which we even offered to pay for just pick out one. No boobs showing no cleavage no nipples being exposed no hot booty and legs being shown off at a very delicate wedding.

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As long as you're good with not having a relationship with your cousin anymore, I guess that worked for you.

View Quoted Comment I think that’s so great that you guys were able to make it work for you! The worst part is about all of this, is my fiancé hates his sister in law but we were pressured into having her to prevent drama. It’s just a whole mess. I think she will actually understand if I move her around in the bridal party but definitely can’t get her out. Overall just was bad decision on my end. I’m a very big people pleaser which always ends up doing more harm than good for me. Anyways I really appreciated you sharing!!

View Quoted Comment You could always have multiple maids of honor also. So rather than demoting her, you could just have the actual person you want as a co-MOH.

View Quoted Comment That’s a great idea! Thanks!

And if you are worried that may still cause a little drama, I know a handful of people who have done a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor. Each having different rolls and expectations that you can set