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Madison
Beginner April 2022

Help with my divorced family

Madison, on May 17, 2021 at 9:57 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13
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So my dad and my mom will have recently got married to different people who both have children a few months before our wedding. I feel weird about the new spouses and kids sitting with my parents in the front row since I barely know them. My mom understood when I told her my feelings about this but my dad thinks I’m being selfish. Have any of y’all experienced this situation? What should I do?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Madison, on May 18, 2021 at 5:28 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    If you are not close to your step siblings, you are not required to invite them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks because it’s not their wedding. Hopefully you are paying for everything yourselves so you can set that boundary.
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag

    You should seat the partners with their respective spouse,regardless of your relationship with them. Would you like, as a guest,to be seated at a different table because the bride and/or the groom doesn't/don't know you well?

    I'm with your dad on this one.

  • devotedlydavis
    Devoted March 2022
    devotedlydavis ·
    • Flag
    I definitely understand your feelings on this one, but agree with Fred that you can’t sit spouses separately. I would sit your parents with their new spouses on the front row (if it’s not reserved for your wedding party) and seat their kids in the row behind them.
  • Madison
    Beginner April 2022
    Madison ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I should have clarified. This is only for the ceremony which is maybe 15 minutes. They will be sitting together at the reception. My request was for my immediate family (my father, my mother, my brothers, and my grandparents which would fill up the first row) to sit in the front row with their spouse and children sitting directly behind them. My thought process was that they didn’t raise me (they came in to my life only last year with kids that are extremely younger than my brothers and I) and I didn’t want to push either my mother or my father further down the row. Unfortunately we are unable to seat the kids separately because of their age.
  • Madison
    Beginner April 2022
    Madison ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    My father keeps telling me I’m going to make people upset and that’s okay but doesn’t like it to be himself who is upset. If I don’t invite the step siblings (who are about 12-15 years younger) then even more drama gets started.
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    I think the idea of spouses sitting directly behind is acceptable, not ideal but acceptable.
    Another option would be all parents and siblings front row and grand parents second row.
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Just let them sit with family. You will be busy at the altar.
    If I were in your parents position, this is one of few things that would cause me to stay home, and not speak to you for 5-10
    years. You expect me to respect your relationship, when you are rude to me and people who are now my family? And are showing it in a public, selfish way? To seriously hurt family feelings because you might look out and see someone in a seat that is not one you want? My first3 thoughts before declining participating in any and all wedding activities with you.

  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    With divorced parents it os customary to sit family in 2-3 rows, and never separate them from current legal spouses.
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Okay.

    In my mind, the best bet is to do what my future wife and I are planning to do: your mom with her husband in the front row and dad, his new wife in the 2nd row. I'm in a (pretty) similar boat: my parents are divorced, they have a new partner (but are not married), I'm not close to them because I was an adult when my parents met them and both partners have underage kids. However: these kids are not invited because we're hosting an adult-only wedding with 3 exceptions for 2 flower girls and my sister.

    My mom and her partner will be in the front row, my dad and his girlfriend in the 2nd.

    I'm 100% sure that both your dad and your mom will want to seat with their new spouse at the ceremony, rather than seating together in the front row. I totally get why you want both parents in the front row and the 'steps' in the 2nd but I wouldn't do this unless my mom,my dad and both steps would be fine with this if asked.

  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Why can’t dad and mom and their new spouses sit in the front row, with your grandparents and your siblings, and then the steps sit in the second row?
    I can’t imagine being an adult stepchild and thinking I get to displace grandparents and siblings at the front row of a wedding! Who thinks like that?
  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    It's rude to separate spouses. How would you feel if you went to a wedding and someone made your new spouse sit behind you?

    You're trying very hard to justify a public display of disrespect.

    It isn't about who raised you. It's about manners and propriety, and those dictate that spouses should be seated together at all parts of a wedding. You also owe it to your parents to be respectful of their new spouses and their relationship. Spouses sit together, period.

    If you're concerned about the kids' ages, seat the grandparents with them in the second row.

  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    So my parents are fairly recently divorced (it's been about 5 years) and my mom has a new fiance. He has 2 kids, but because we didn't have the time to get very close with them, we didn't extend an invite to them and they understand. But we are sitting my mom's new fiance with my mom during the ceremony. My dad will also be in that row and if he chooses to bring someone, they will sit with him. And then grandparents will also be in first row. I can understand putting step siblings in the second row, but you should not do this for your new step parents. I take it your parents don't get along? If you separate them, it's like saying you don't respect their new relationships, even if it's just a 15 minute ceremony. You want them to respect your relationship, so you need to respect theirs.

  • Madison
    Beginner April 2022
    Madison ·
    • Flag
    I have decided to move both parents to the second row with their future spouses and their spouses children due to the amount of comments saying I would be rude and disrespectful if I separate them. I will leave my brother and my only living set of grandparents in the front row.

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