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nolegirl
Dedicated June 2018

Help telling bridesmaid she can't come to bachelorette party!

nolegirl, on April 8, 2018 at 10:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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Hey all!

Sooo my finances little sister (age 16) is one of my bridesmaids, but because of her age I don't really feel super comfortable having her there as there will be alcohol and she wouldn't be able to go out with us. Does anyone have any advice as to what I can tell her? I don't know if she is expecting to be invited to this but I have a feeling she would be. I love her but I just think this should not be something a 16 year old should be at. It's also out of town and she will be in school. Any advice on how to tell her? Thank you all ☺️

22 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on April 9, 2018 at 7:35 PM
  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    I would tell her she’s under 21 and too young to go.
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  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
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    If you aren't interested in changing your plans to be able to include her, I would tell her your plans (based on what you said she wouldn't be able to go anyway), and say that you and she will do something together at another time.

    I don't think this is something you need to make a big deal out of. If she's under 21 she probably is aware that she won't be able to go do 21+ activities.

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  • hannnnahhhh
    VIP May 2018
    hannnnahhhh ·
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    Why don't you have a small girls day with her before or after instead. Mani, pedis, brunch.
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  • S
    Dedicated June 2021
    Susan ·
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    I wasn't able to go to my Aunts so I went to the pre part like her getting ready and dinner, then me and her went to dinner a separate time and got kiddy cocktails together. If your out of town just explain to her she has school and it's not age appropriate yet. And offer for the two of you to do something she likes to do. She will understand
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  • OnCloudRawls
    VIP June 2019
    OnCloudRawls ·
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    I think she would understand that she cannot participate, but if not, just tell her that some of the activities for the bachelorette party are for adults 21 and over.

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  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
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    My sister will be around the same age when I get married. The plan is to have a girls day with her and then go out with everyone 21+ the same night. That way she doesn't necessarily feel left out of the pre-wedding festivities.
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  • Lee
    Devoted May 2019
    Lee ·
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    That really is a good idea. Also it would give her time to bond and get to know her sister in law.
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  • fallinthegarden
    Master October 2017
    fallinthegarden ·
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    Could she be there if you go out for dinner beforehand? My friend's SILs are under 21, but they came to part of her bachelorette. We did a paint and sip (you can do the painting even if you can't drink) and went out to dinner. Then they headed home while we all went out.

    You totally don't have to modify the activities to include her if you don't want, but if you want to include her, you can always have some of the activities be underage friendly.

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  • K
    Devoted October 2018
    Kimberly ·
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    I think it would be nice tell her that the two of you can go do something together like go to a spa or something. I have also heard of the doing something during the day with the younger ones and at night just the adults but I dont know if you are traveling or not.
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  • Brittany
    Dedicated November 2018
    Brittany ·
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    I’m in the same situation! FSIL will be 15 when we go to the bachelorette party. I’m going to chat with her and take her out for lunch and go get a mani/pedi to make up for it! I think she will absolutely understand because she knows that we are significantly older than her and will be going out all night! Best of luck!
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  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica ·
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    I don't think it has to be a big deal. I also have a 17-year-old bridesmaid, and it's just obvious she won't be invited since it's illegal for her to be there.

    I am however going to plan something special to do with her as a thank you for being in the wedding. And the other bridesmaids are being great and planning a separate dinner with just the 5 of us that she can be included in (about 6 other girls are invited to the bachelorette party). Perhaps you can do something like this?

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  • Macey
    Dedicated May 2018
    Macey ·
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    FH’s sister is 19 and is coming to my bachelorette party but she is just going to hang out with us during the day and then go home at night when we all go out. I also told her she could bring a friend if she wanted that way she would feel more comfortable since she’s not really good friends with any of my friends. I figured she would be mad or make a big deal about it because she’s kind of dramatic anyway but she was actually ok with it!
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  • Andrea
    Savvy October 2018
    Andrea ·
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    Start early in the day and do a spa day, paint event, and then do dinner. Say goodnight....and then go out and have your fun. Just think, she'll have a cool sister in law to take her out for her 21st birthday Smiley smile
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would say that she already knows that she can't participate in the festivities. Instead of just assuming that though, I would plan a special day with her and bring it up that way. "I'm really bummed that you can't participate in my bachelorette party, so I planned lunch and pedis for the two of us on Saturday!"

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  • khorysmom
    Dedicated May 2018
    khorysmom ·
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    My son who is 16 is in our wedding. I made it a point to let the guys know that whatever their activities/festivities are that he must be included as he is in the wedding party. Now, if he chooses to not participate or go then that is his choice, but he should be included in all things just as the other groomsmen are.

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  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F. ·
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    Explain to her she can't go due to age then offer to do something just the 2 of you
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  • L
    Expert May 2018
    LIZ ·
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    Though I'm sure she would love to think she could go because she is a BM, at 16, she knows she can't and is bumming. Have a little chat with her and reassure her if she were if legal age she would be right by your side. Then, set a date for you and her to have a date. Go to lunch, have pedi's done, do some shopping or play mini golf, just give her an afternoon that's just for her and you, she'll love it and feel special (and probably forget about the party)
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  • Katie
    Dedicated October 2018
    Katie ·
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    What are your plans for the night? Can you start the party with mani/pedi and lunch/dinner then go out on the town without her? That way she still feels included
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  • FutureLadyH
    Devoted May 2018
    FutureLadyH ·
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    I was apart of a bridal party where one of the Bridesmaids was under aged and could not attend a club / lounge with us so we made sure to plan something within the weekend that she was able to attend. We really wanted to be sure to include her in at least some of the bachelorette party. If all the girls are able to get together before you go out of town I think that would be the best approach to include her.
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  • RachMariee
    Dedicated June 2019
    RachMariee ·
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    My SIL/bridesmaid will be 15 at our wedding and I’ve thought about the same thing! My MOH (my sister) and I decided that we will take her our to brunch and to get facials or pedis at a different time. She was not expecting to be coming to the 21+ bachelorette antics! Maybe talk to her mother and see if you can get more of a feel for what your FSIL is thinking?
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