Help! Strained relationship with Dad, who to walk me down the aisle.

I would just have your mom walk you. It sounds like your uncle is awesome and was there for you when you needed him for things, but it also sounds like your mom is the one who actually raised you.

I would choose just your mom because your dad will understand that and his feelings won’t be hurt.


Could you do a first look with your uncle and maybe present him with a gift (maybe a letter he can read later)? Very meaningful moment (and photo opp) without rubbing it in your dad’s face.

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That's actually something someone hasn't suggested before, I like that idea a lot!

I'm going to start a sucky bio dad support group.



I would suggest your mom to walk you, but ultimately the decision has to be up to you. You can do other things for your uncle - first look, dance.

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Haha, yes I totally agree there needs to be a whole group just for sucky bio dads.

I’d just have your mom do it and then include your uncle in some other way (maybe he can do a reading, or give a toast at the reception?)

View Quoted Comment Yay! Happy to help. It would be such a sweet moment to share with your uncle.

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I definitely think I'm headed in that direction! Everyone keeps telling me to do what I want and that it's my day, but something that I want is to avoid intentionally hurting anyone's feelings!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I mean, it is your day and you should do what you want... but since you have 2 options that you seem like you’d be happy with either way, I’d definitely lean towards the one that’s less likely to upset someone else

I agree with the others to walk down with just your mom. You can give your uncle a special gift and have some pictures with him but I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt your dad in front of everyone.

Just do your mom. Your uncle and dad will understand. You can write any or all of them a meaningful handwritten note as thanks for their support

I think in this scenario it’s “okay” to hurt his feelings. I think you know what I mean. He hasn’t earned the right to walk you down and your uncle has. My uncle will be walking me down. If he’s embarrassed, he’s got only his actions to blame. That’s not your problem to deal with.

Walk in with your mom and dance with your uncle

View Quoted Comment This is kind of the response I’m getting from my sisters. They know my uncle would be so happy to walk me down and they think his happiness means more than my dad possibly getting upset. This is exactly why I’m on the fence about what to do!

View Quoted Comment I think since my family also went through something similar I’m more harsh. My father will not be invited to my wedding. He cheated on my mom, and his condition for being in his life is accepting the woman he cheated with (I was 18 so I saw everything). I’ve refused. So I think it just depends on you. Would he be embarrassed because he genuinely wants to walk you down the aisle, or is it embarrassing that a whole family will get to see how much he hurt you by not walking you down the aisle? I’m more of the mind that he did what he did and that has consequences, whether he likes them or not. Completely up to you though! That’s just my thought process. I really hope some of this helps you make your decision one way or the other it’s never easy when we have estranged dads.

My dad was pretty absent during my childhood, and even THINKING about him walking me down the aisle makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm personally walking down the aisle alone.

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I would disagree on this one. It's one thing if the dad is no longer in the picture. It's another that he is invited to the wedding and he is trying to make amends. I think he feels guilty enough about his lack of presence in your life. But, take this with a grain of salt that I have never been in this situation before and am fortunate enough to have a very involved dad in my life. You can honor your uncle in another way.

Agree with mom walking you down the aisle. Good luck with your decision

Have your dad begin the walk, hand you off to your uncle and then your uncle hand you off to your Mom. That way each has a part in the walk....
Yes, it sounds like a lot, but I have seen it done.

Or have your mom and or uncle escort you to your FH & do the Father-daughter dance with him.

We had some long discussions in my family because my dad passed away and we are not sure who of my fiance's family will be attending. What we decided to do was have all close family figures walk with each of us down the aisle and then let us go at the front of the church and take their seats (rather mom and other relatives being being ushered in and seated before dad walks me down the aisle). This solved the question of how to include my adult child, my mom, my sister (who is also maid of honor and handling my train, and what to do about my dad not being available. It also allows whatever family from his side is able to attend to be involved while not being awkward if only one makes it.