HELP, please! Should we change our date?!

I wouldn't change my date because one person can't make it. I wouldn't risk the major climate change for the other guests. I know you wish for her to be there but not everyone you wish to be there will make it. Maybe designate someone to Skype with her so she can view it since there is a time difference in countries.

How important is this one person? That's the question. There will undoubtedly be others whom you'd love to share the day with but won't be able to make it. You can't move your date for every decline.

Not sure where you are located, but two weeks in either direction shouldn't make much difference. It could be unseasonably hot on 5/26, or a bit cool mid-June. As long as the venue has portable AC units, it sounds like you'll be OK either way. ETA: I would avoid father's day weekend. Especially if you will be inviting out of town guests!

Good luck!

Don't change your date. That's a huge event to change for one person. If it was one of your parents I could understand changing but it's not.

Please help! (I got cut off by the word limit).

This friend is an incredibly close friend of mine and I really want her to be able to make it. But 5/26 gives our out-of-town guests more time to travel, has *potentially* better odds for good weather, and otherwise works perfectly for us.

6/16 was never a date we were considering (we didn't want anything past the first weekend in June, originally), is the day after my sister's fiance's 30th birthday, and the day before Father's Day. It also doesn't have the benefit of MDW of the extra travel day for our out of town guests.

There was also a slight (but moveable) conflict with another member of our bridal party -- and we basically had to tell them that we would help them with their conflict but that we were going ahead with 5/26. We don't want this person to feel like their feelings were ignored if we change the date for a different member of the party. The difference, however, is that one is moveable (but inconvenient) and the other is not moveable.

Sorry -- last thing -- I do somewhat worry that if we move it for my bridesmaid (which is how I am leaning) and the weather sucks on 6/16 (unbearably hot, pouring rain, etc)...that we'll resent having had to move it. We OBVIOUSLY do not want to feel this way nor do I think it's even remotely rational...but I think it's a possibility that there would be a little bit of disappointment or feeling like we sacrificed a lot to change the date. I know it has just as strong of a chance of raining on 5/26 -- but at least that was a day that was a day *we* alone picked.

Thoughts/advice/etc, please? I feel so heartbroken because both options feel a bit like a lose-lose.

Sorry - just seeing the comments and responding here with more info.

The wedding will be near Frederick, Maryland. The difference of 3 weeks tends to be about a 7 degree difference in temperature (but last year, for example, 5/26 was actually 2 degrees hotter than 6/16 -- I think due to a thunderstorm though).

The person is one of my best friend's from college and one of my roommates during that time. I was going to ask her to be in my bridal party. When I moved to a new city 3 years ago - she was my only friend in the area and we are extremely close. She just got the dates mixed up for her friend's wedding in Europe (she thought it was 5.19, not 5.26 -- so we ruled out 5.19 as an option). Her friend booked her wedding WELL before us and has been essentially like a sister to her since they were infants. I don't take it personally that, of the two, she would be going to the one in Europe.

Also, we booked this Saturday and she figured out the error on Sunday morning - so it wasn't like we had this date for awhile before we knew we might have to change it.

It sounds like u don't truly want to move it anyways. I wouldn't move it at all!

Harsh truth: no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Your potential BM will understand. If she doesn't, she's not really that good of a friend. It may be a relief to her to have the expectation that she participate in two weddings so close to one another lifted.

As someone who has too many BM's, I think you'll be happy to have a smaller BP as it gets closer.

Also, it is too early to ask your BP. You should wait until 8 months out or so. Friendships change. We see it all the time here.

If you have portable ac units the weather shouldn't make a huge difference. The birthday thing is not a big deal and personally I would rather go to an out of state wedding on Father's Day weekend over Memorial Day. At the end of the day you just have to decide how important it is to you that she be there.

Thanks CuteNickname - I wasn't planning on asking yet but have ALWAYS known she would be on the list. Our friendship has not changed in 11 years, I doubt it would now. Also, she has been incredibly understanding about this - but BOTH she and I will be devastated if she cannot attend.

You keep giving reasons why you shouldn't move it. More reasons that it shouldn't be moved and only one reason why it should. Your reasons why it shouldn't be moved far outweigh the reason why it should. I wouldn't move it.

Either date is going to be hot and potentially uncomfortable. I'm in Virginia and last year on Memorial Day weekend it was 99 degrees. I wouldn't change what you already have booked for one person.

It's a choice she has to make, not you. If that is her 'best friend', I wouldn't even consider moving it to accommodate her. No matter what day you pick, someone is going to have a conflict, and no matter when you have it, you just can't count on weather. I've had may weddings that have been freezing, and outdoor weddings in November.. If your true vips don't have an issue, then leave it.

I wouldn't put her in the BP, but do invite her. Anyone who has a DW knows that people are al over it when it's a year away; not so much when the rubber hits the road.

No, don't move your date. If she were a BM, and not a potential BM, the advice would still be the same. You set the date, and you let the chips fall where they may --or you go nuts catering to every honor attendant, and after that, every guest.

This isn't about a good friend; it's about marrying the love of your life.

It will be an amazing event, with or without her. And hey, she can always choose to skip her best friend's wedding in Europe. If she doesn't, don't hold it against her, but don't rearrange your wedding for her.

I wouldn't move it. It seems though your comments that you really don't want to move it anyways! I had a friend who moved her wedding date when she didn't want to for something similar to this and in the end the person she moved it for didn't even show. It's your day. Don't shuffle it around to make it "more convenient" for someone.

I would leave your date as is.

Don't move it. You're right, resentment could creep in or you'd find a million reasons to compare the weekends, probably leading you to just be disappointed. I had second thoughts about our date but decided when decisions are made you just have to move forward. Second guessing everything is not the way to go.

Plus, you DID try to work around her and she gave you the wrong dates. That's on her for not double and then triple checking when you attempted to schedule a super huge personal event around her schedule. I think you're being very nice trying to accommodate but you did what you could do.

Thank you all. I really appreciate your comments.

I DO want her to be there, very badly, in fact - its 6/16 that's the hang up (with Father's Day, the potential for the weather to be significantly worse, my FBILs birthday, etc.)

Our venue has couples put a deposit down to hold your date for 30 days, so I think the compromise might have to be that I will ask our venue to let us know immediately if 5/19, 6/2 or 6/9 open up in the next few weeks -- none of which have the same kinds of conflicts as 6/16 and are all dates that, unlike 6/16, we may have chosen over 5/26 if they had been available when we booked this weekend. If none of those couples back out therefore giving us an option to switch to a more desirable day, we may just have to keep 5/26.

I won't get my hopes up and I will tell my bridesmaid not to either -- I know there is probably only about a 5% of someone backing out after putting down a deposit, but I think it's worth a shot.

ETA: clarity.

It's your choice, but I would rather go somewhere the weekend of Father's Day than Memorial Day Weekend. Lots of people make plans that weekend. I had to go to a bridal shower on MDW a few years ago and it pissed me off to go.

What about the weekend after fathers day? Just saying. If you're already considering moving it 3 weeks to mid June might as well go one more week.

CuteNickname - June 23rd is booked. They have 6/16 and 6/30.