HELP! Our parents want to invite their friends?

Are your parents paying or are you paying?

I'm kind of in the same boat... Right now, we are behaving as if we are footing the entire bill ourselves, to which only the people WE want will be invited... my parents have offered to contribute, but I dont know how much yet... once we know, I'll be making a B list, and if there is room, then their friends can come.. our venue only holds 100ppl sooo that's kind of tough to work with when we already have a large extended family...

It's a question of who's paying but also a question of your vision. The larger the guest list, the more impersonal it all becomes.

If you want to elope, give me a call.

We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.

I completely agree with Brian C. on this. If they're paying for it (or even some of it), that's their decision to choose to pay for all these extra people despite it being your day.

BUT if you're paying for it all then you need to let them know that you cannot afford to accomodate the extra people.

Then you draw the line in the sand. It's not what you want so don't be bullied.

Well, if you're paying for it yourselves, then you get the final say-so as to who gets invited/who doesn't. End of story. If your parents are insisting on inviting a bunch of extra people that you don't want, then you need to insist that they help with the cost of the wedding.

I urge you to only consider people you and FH actually know. Surely there is a way to compromise where you agree that each parent set can have X number of invites for their friends that actually know you and FH (ie could pick you out of a crowd even if you weren't wearing a wedding dress). Let them know that you want them to celebrate too, but surely they have friends that know you guys and really why would the friends that don't know you want to come anyway?

I went to a wedding this past summer and I asked the gentleman sitting next to me how he knew the bride (he was sitting on the bride's side). He replies "I don't know the bride from a hole in the wall, I 'm a colleague of the bride's father". He then proceeded to critique the entire ceremony, found me during the cocktail hour and critiqued that too! How incredibly rude! I also know the bride paid for her wedding and the family did not contribute, so I have no clue why she agreed to have a stranger attend.

As Celia said--don't be bullied! My FMIL tried the same thing and we told her she could have two people--no more. She complains but we tune her out.

Another thought is that it seems there are two parts to this problem--money and intimacy. My guess would be that if you tell them THEY have to pay for the extra people, they will decline and you will get both (depending on how much it costs per person). Of course if they agree.....yikes.

Give a little. Let them pick two couples to invite. They are right that they are celebrating the marriage of their children and should be able to do so with their most intimate friends. That does not mean their work colleagues and neighbors, but one or two couples who they are really close to.

It's your day and it's your dime, invite those closest to you. I'm not even sure why people that don't even know you or FH would want to be at your wedding.

My parents added 10 work friends, and 3 neighbors. Sets/Couples, with children too, I should add.

But they are paying for some of the wedding costs. And I know all but 3 of the people, and one is doing the cake.

I've also stressed to my parents that the extra people invited have a 90% chance of showing up and the end amount for catering could increase from our projected budget. They say they understand.

If you're paying for it yourselves, than you have every right to put your foot down and say no. MIL insisted on having friends that neither DH nor I knew at the wedding and we told her no...she wrote us a check for the cost of their food and drinks and that was that...they got an invite. But b/c she wasn't paying for the wedding and my parents were...we originally said no.

My fh/i are paying for the whole wedding ourselves. my parents were the same way, wanted to invite all of their friends. i told them, if they wanted to do that then fine but they are paying me $100/p (total cost per person, not just the catering) they invite and comes to the wedding to leverage the cost of the wedding. and they agreed that was fair and are giving me $2000 cash for their 2 tables of guests.

you have to factor in not only the cost of the meal.. but you are also buying more invitiations, and thus more postage, more centerpieces, more favors, etc. if youre renting linens/chargers/etc, theres extra cost in that.