Help! My moms trying to control my wedding plans

You messed up when you asked her to pay for parts of your wedding. You don't ask. You wait for someone to offer.

Now that she's paying, she gets a say in where her money goes.

You're SOL here.

Return the money. There are allot of stories on WW of gifted money coming with strings attached. You may have to push your date out or decrease your guest list but you get to plan the day you want.

First, you didn't "kindly" ask - it's rude and tacky to ask anyone for money. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for it. The polite, adult thing to do is allow someone to offer, then you can decide to accept it or not because you must weigh whether you want that person to be able to make decisions about the wedding. Now that you've been rude, asked, and now accepted money, she has a say. If you don't like her choices, pay for it yourself.

Also, the only thing you NEED for a wedding is a license, an officiant, and a witness or two in some places. Don't confuse desire/want/need.

She's probably just excited for you. I struggle with this too and I'm sure I'm driving my daughter nuts! Sit down with her and discuss what your vision is. Set boundaries on what you would like feedback/help with, and what you don't. Bounce ideas off her only when you have something narrowed down to a couple choices. Maybe give her a couple projects to work on. It's definitely a struggle because us moms have a vision for our daughter's wedding too, but ultimately it's your day and you need to let her know that all final decision rest with you and your future spouse.

Don't accept her money or bite the bullet and accept that she gets to be a part of your day.

I agree, money comes with strings. My mother has been an utter terror this past year, even though we are paying for our own wedding. She bought my dress because she wanted too contribute in some way. However, that was her "in" to completely take over. I'm talking... calling vendors pretending to be me and make choices. Yeah.... you read that right.

Breathe.... have a sit down with mom and tell her your vision. Tell her you want her involved to help with decisions but she has to be okay with not having the final say. If she is not okay with it, you need to finance your own wedding. Some mothers don't realize how pushy they are and some don't care because they are footing the bill.

After all is said and done, I hope I'm a mom that can be helpful at my daughter's wedding, paying or not.

Sit her down and explain that her ideas are not what you have in mind. Let her know what your vision is and take it from there. She’s probably just very excited and hasn’t stopped to think about the fact that it’s your wedding, not hers.

First of all, there is nothing 'kind' about asking for money.

Money usually come with strings. I agree that she is probably just excited but you have to have a nice calm conversation with her or it's going to be a very long year for you.

If she agrees to lay back, great. If not, pay for your own wedding which is probably what the plan should have been from the start.

Yep big mistake was asking and accepting the money. Now she has a say.

I would not ask anyone to pay for my wedding. This is your big day event that you are choosing so you and your FH should pay for it yourselves. If you can't afford it push the timeframe back another year. That said habe an honest conversation with her of your vision and inspiration.

Thanksgiving dinner tastes differently when you're indebted to the host. Decline the money or she gets a say, that simple.

Oh yeah my mom wanted control of the wedding the very first week I was engaged. We got into fights and still get into fights now during my wedding planning. I was told to give her a JOB something I can let go and let her have control. I gave her the bridal shower and our bridal shower has 100 guests with dj and band. And she has decorations for our wedding. She still wants control of our wedding but i set my boundary with her

Pay= Say

If you asked and accepted the money she gets a say. This is a big reason why you don't ask for money

You asked for her say when you asked for her to pay. Return the money and you can nix her input.

Give the money back and resume control over your wedding

I'm pretty sure OP didn't get the answers she was hoping for. Post and ghost?

Sorry for not replying sooner. I appreciate everyone's advice and I will take it all into consideration.