Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy March 2020

Help!! Mother will not attend wedding

Nicola, on October 9, 2019 at 4:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi everyone. I need advice with figuring out this stressful situation.

So, my mother decided that she not coming to my wedding anymore because she is not okay with a certain person who is in my bridal party. Why? Well, a year ago, my cousin got married and did not invite my mom to her wedding; however, she invited my fiancé. Not to mention, this cousin is related to me on my fathers side. My mom and father have been divorced since 1996, but some times she would still go to certain family events. Now, she keeps dreading the fact that it was rude of her to invite my fiancé but not her. I keep explaining to her that their guest list was 80 (she chose 40 people and so did her husband)— so she only chose those she felt connected to and their significant others. Which, she must not feel that close to my mom. So now my mother is saying I am not loyal to her, and I am hurting her by allowing this person who disrespected her to be in my wedding. Me and my cousin have a great relationship. My mother truly feels she should have been invited to cousins wedding. Hence, the only time they talk is if my mom goes to my dads family events every once and a while. (Again, my parents are not together).

Flag
Hide content

11 Comments

Latest activity by Ivy ORP, on October 9, 2019 at 9:07 PM

Lady · on October 9, 2019 at 4:40 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your mom is being ridiculous. I would call her bluff and just tell her that you'd love her to be there, but it's her decision. I highly doubt she actually won't show up because your cousin is there. If not, then I'm so sorry - it will likely be very difficult for you, but there's not much you can do. I think under no circumstances should you ask your cousin to step down or not attend (not saying you are thinking of doing that!).
No one is entitled to a wedding invitation, your mom needs to put her big girl pants on and get over it.
- Reply
Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 9, 2019 at 4:42 PM
Flag

Hide content
Did your cousin have contact with your mom personally past the divorce in recent years leading up to her wedding? If not, I think it's 100% fine she didn't invite her. I didn't invite my grandfather's wife (he had passed away and I had no communication with her for the past 2 years prior to the wedding). It sounds like your mom is being super dramatic and should put your wedding above her petty feelings. A wedding isn't about being "loyal" to your parents, it's about you inviting people close to you to celebrate with (which it sounds like your cousin is). I would tell her your cousin is coming and you'd love for her to be there (obviously) but if she requires you destroy your relationship with your cousin to attend your wedding, she doesn't have to go.
- Reply
Master January 2015
null · on October 9, 2019 at 4:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
This is blunt, but your mom needs to get over herself. Not only that, even if your cousin had done her wrong, it speaks wonders about your moms priorities if she would let that keep her from attending her OWN DAUGHTER'S wedding. That's so messed up. She needs to revaluate. I'm so sorry you're having this issue.
- Reply
Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on October 9, 2019 at 4:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would just let her be, as hard as it may be. She's an adult who's made her decision. Leave the door open for her to come, but at the end of the day it's unfortunately out of your control
- Reply
Super October 2020
Megan · on October 9, 2019 at 5:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
WOW. So sorry it turned out this way... personally I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong and think that your mother is being completely unreasonable. The fact that she would even threaten to not attend your wedding....

I would give her time to cool down, maybe don’t talk to her until she’s ready to come to you. But I’d stick to my guns on this one. Your mom is waayyy off.
- Reply
Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 9, 2019 at 5:57 PM
Flag

Hide content
I’m sorry but I agree with Amber above. Your mom is acting like a child and needs to stop. Let her know she’s invited and let her go. Hopefully she will see how childish she’s being.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Laura · on October 9, 2019 at 6:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your mom is being unfair. She's not related to your cousin, not even by marriage anymore. There really was no reason for your cousin to invite her. You and your cousin are close and you want her standing up with you and you should have that. I don't see you as being disloyal to your mom, your mom is actually being disloyal to you by trying to guilt you into giving her what she wants. I promise i'm not ragging on your mom. For some reason she feels slighted. I don't see why, I read your other posts on this but wanted to chose my words carefully since she is still your mom. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I would keep your cousin in the wedding for sure. You two are close. I hope your mom can suck it up and swallow her pride and do the right thing by you. You've done nothing wrong.
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on October 9, 2019 at 6:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
Mother needs to grow up and stop behaving like a child. There was nothing disrespectful about an extended family member having a small wedding and inviting people who are close, like you, and their SO. And not people less close. That she is so egocentric that she would boycott your wedding over either a real or imagined slight, is a put down to you. Her pride matters more than any love she has for you. Tell her if she is that self centered, you won't miss her. And do not try to change her mind. Leave a place at the table, though, as if this attention seeking garbage does not work, she will likely want to attend. But you shouldn't change anything to accommodate her. She either cuts out the self centered childishness, or stays home .
- Reply
Devoted July 2020
Brandi · on October 9, 2019 at 8:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
I apologize that this is your experience. Unfortunately, the other posters are right. Your mom is being ridiculous (sorry). She’s not entitled nor obligated to attend someone else’s wedding and should not fault you for that. I would explain to my mom the significance and importance of her attending. I would hope that my mom would come because I can’t have that day without her. The invitation is there. If mom can’t let that go and still opts not to attend, I am highly sorry babe but you may have to make your peace with that. I really really hope it works out.
- Reply
Super October 2021
Suzie · on October 9, 2019 at 8:42 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Yep. Agreed. I can’t believe the pettiness here, she’s your mother for goodness sake. She shouldn’t be putting you in this position whatsoever. She needs to be the bigger person, as your MOTHER, and be there for your day. Call her bluff. This really speaks more about her than you. Sorry you’re dealing with this. Good luck!
- Reply

VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on October 9, 2019 at 9:07 PM
Flag

Hide content
I know it may feel bad now, but let her act childish. She is the one who will be hurt when she misses your day over something so ridiculous and petty. You may regret it if you convince her to come and she acts a fool in front of everyone. She's trying to manipulate you and it is not ok. I hope she wakes up and realizes the consequences of her actions before it's too late. Good luck to you.
- Reply