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Devoted October 2020

Help Mom and daughter against plan b

Tabitha, on July 27, 2020 at 10:16 AM Posted in Planning 0 13

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Hi everyone. I hope that everyone is doing well and staying safe. I really need help and some advice because I’m super stressed and barely eating these days.

My wedding was booked for October 4, 2020 here in So Cal but with the pandemic they’ve had to close. When restaurants and others were allowed to reopen they still could not because they do not have a restaurant license. It’s a warehouse turned into a venue. They have refused to refund my deposit back but insist that I pay off my balance and I would have a year to use the money. I don’t want that because no one knows when this will end so in my opinion it’s hard to pick a 2021 date. My fiancé suggested that we do everything here at my home since we have a nice size backyard. I got quotes to completely tent my yard with drapes, chandeliers , chivari chairs the whole 9 yards to make it as elegant as possible. I would be looking at about $8,000 to move it here. My mom and daughter are totally against this. They think it would be tacky and I would be settling and not having my dream wedding.
I get what they are saying because I’ve waited for this day for so long. I do feel like $8k is a lot to spend on a backyard wedding. I really just want to be his wife and not have to put this off for a year or more. His family has suggested going to Vegas and saving the money all together. I can get with a Vegas wedding but how would I do the reception? Any help would be appreciated. I’m sorry for the long post.

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Cheryl, on July 28, 2020 at 9:23 AM

Master October 2020
Margaret · on July 27, 2020 at 10:27 AM
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I think you have to do what makes you and your FH happy. If this is settling and isn't what you really want then don't do it. Do what's right for you and your FH and don't worry about anyone else's feelings, this is YOUR day, not theirs.
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VIP August 2020
· on July 27, 2020 at 11:07 AM
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If the venue isn't allowed to open, they should give you the money back. Since payments are due a number of weeks/months before an event, they shouldn't be expecting payments now for an event that would be postponed. I would feel uncomfortable giving them any more money right now.

I think that if you and your fiancè are happy with having the wedding in your backyard, you should do it. I have also learned, thanks to covid, that if you want a backyard wedding to be *nice*, it will be expensive, but it's certainly possible. The issue with your mom and daughter might be that they're picturing a barbecue or something very casual, and they'd have to see it before they really understand how you're able to transform your yard into a wedding venue. Also, without trying to be too judgy, I'm not really sure how a Vegas wedding would be classier than your plan B.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 27, 2020 at 11:14 AM
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I agree I think they’re thinking of a backyard bbq type thing. Vegas actually have really nice chapels. Some are Vegas theme but that do have some elegant ones that are fairly inexpensive.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 27, 2020 at 11:16 AM
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I have a lot to think about and make a decision sooner rather than later
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 27, 2020 at 12:08 PM
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I’ve thought about just running off and doing a Vegas wedding and saving some $ in the long run but it’s just not me personally. I’ve been to a backyard wedding and it can be pulled off to be very nice, elegant, etc. Especially if you’re dropping 8k it would be quite nice. It sounds to me as if you do not want to postpone anymore at this point, so don’t. Do what’s in your heart!
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Expert January 2021
Katie · on July 27, 2020 at 12:24 PM
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I would move forward with what you want to do with the backyard wedding. It sounds like it will be beautiful! Also, there's no knowing what the future holds and when your "dream wedding" will be possible. If your top priority is getting married, I'd do that. I'm sure they'll come around once they see the vision put together, they're probably picturing a bare back yard. Either way, it's your day!
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Beginner September 2020
Caitlin · on July 27, 2020 at 1:51 PM
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First problem - your venue. Check your contract. They are not holding up their end of the deal (not their fault, but that is why there are contracts) so you shouldn't have to pay anymore $$ and depending on what your contract states you might be able to get some of your deposit back. As a professional meeting and event planner, absolutely do not pay them anymore money and go over your contract with a fine tooth comb.
I wanted a backyard wedding but I didn't have a nice enough house/backyard to host it. Super Jealous - we even considered doing it in SoCal at my Fiance's dad house (but we live in Kansas and asking almost all our friends and family to travel wasn't feasible). Backyard weddings can be so beautiful - even without a tent! Since you in SoCal in October do you really need a tent? This might help you save some money and if you have good landscaping, less decorating - spend more money on the tables/chairs/décor to make it as elegant as you want it. You can't get better backdrop then a night sky! If you have pinterest search backyard weddings and show your mom and daughter to reframe what you are thinking. Also - check out the 2nd season (last episode) of Selling Sunset - one of their realtors did a backyard wedding in SoCal at a house and it was STUNNING. If what you really want is a backyard wedding, go for it! Don't settle and go with what YOU feel is best... if backyard is what you want just give them some visuals to reframe in their head what it could look like!
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Devoted January 2022
Natalie · on July 27, 2020 at 3:41 PM
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What you want should matter more than your mom and daughter. That said, it sounds like you kind of agree?
Have you searched for other venues that offer outdoor receptions? With all the rentals you're essentially paying an 8000 "site fee" to use your backyard. Not even including other costs. Maybe you could find a proper venue with outdoor space that already includes that stuff for a lower price? And it would probably be a little nicer than a backyard plus you wouldn't have to worry about setup/cleanup/people trampling through your house, etc.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 28, 2020 at 8:14 AM
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No I really don’t want to postpone anymore. I’ve waited so long just to get engaged. I really thing I could pull off a really nice wedding.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 28, 2020 at 8:15 AM
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Thanks Anna. I’m moving full speed with booking everything needed today.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 28, 2020 at 8:22 AM
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Thanks Caitlin for the Pinterest suggestions. I read over the contract and the only thing in their about canceling was if I was. Well I’m not they’re the ones that can’t provide services for the day that I contracted for. So it seems to me they should refund me not and try to hold me to the contract for a year.

I’m in SoCal but I live in the desert so our weather can be unpredictable sometimes. Too hot or too windy is why I wanted the tent to cover my guest.
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Devoted October 2020
Tabitha · on July 28, 2020 at 8:25 AM
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So far I haven’t had any luck. Here in SoCal we’re back to stage 1 so we can’t even eat inside of restaurants so most venues are closed for now. I’m about 67 days away from our wedding date and can’t wait much longer to make a decision.
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Dedicated November 2021
Cheryl · on July 28, 2020 at 9:23 AM
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As far as your venue not refunding and demanding further payment, I would consult the BBB in your area or maybe even the DA's office to see if they can help or guide you to resolution. It is not your fault that they can't hold up their end of the bargain. It's not necessarily their fault either -- I mean, who would have predicted this? -- however, that being said, they should refund your money. Period. I wonder if they are refusing to refund it because they don't have it any longer? We originally have a venue booked and they went out of business and we got our entire payment back. So, this place certainly ought to make arrangements to get you your money.
As for your choice to move to a backyard wedding, well, tell your mom and daughter that, ultimately, the decision is yours. I agree with others that said they may have a different vision than you do and that's what's holding them back. Help them visualize what you have in mind and maybe they can see what you see. At the end of the day, however, if they love you, they need to get on board and help you have the day YOU want. It's YOUR and FH wedding, after all, NOT theirs. This is a tough time for all of us, and even tougher for us brides and they need to be kind and supportive.
As to the vegas wedding, if you decide to go that route, there are plenty of venues there, among an array of price points. Most will help you plan your wedding and give you package options. I've been to Vegas many times and as much as I love it, I wouldn't want to do Vegas right now since, like many other places, lots of things aren't what they used to be due to Covid. Vegas just isn't "Vegas" right now. But the choice is yours, of course. Personally, I would go with the backyard. But best of luck to you, whichever route you choose.
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