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K
Dedicated September 2021

Help me decide on a location!

K, on April 28, 2021 at 9:43 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
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Hi all,


Just got engaged on Saturday (yay!) and we want to get married this fall, so it’s full speed ahead now. But we’re already stuck on the first major decision : where to have the wedding.
I’d initially proposed we have the wedding in his hometown in an Illinois suburb, because his grandmother is very old and his father will not fly (we live in Seattle). There’s a lot of availability at the church he grew up in, but limited availability for the reception venues I’ve been able to get ahold of, so it looks likely that the wedding would be on a Friday if we held it there.
We loosely agreed that this is the best option, but I am starting to second guess. I’ve never thought about my wedding before, so now that I’m thinking about it more I’m feeling a bit remiss at the opportunity to be able to meet with vendors and make informed decisions. Furthermore, I would like to look nice on my wedding day and I’m a bit worried there will be a higher chance I will be dissatisfied with my hair, makeup, etc on my wedding day if I’m organizing it from afar and don’t get a chance to really nail down the look. I will have about 2 weeks of PTO banked at this point and I would like to take a nice honeymoon, so I’m also worried that traveling out there a whole bunch will use up too much leave.
One other thing is that we set a $15,000 absolute maximum. If we do it in his hometown he feels obligated to invite everyone in his large extended family, and I’m a bit worried the cost will rack up. Having it here would create a nice excuse to pare down the guest list.
What do y’all think in terms of this? Does anyone have experience planning a long-distance wedding in a short time frame? Am I making too big a deal out of this and creating a false dilemma between making informed choices and having everyone we want there? Is there anything else I should be taking into account?
I’ll have to bring this up to my fiancé tonight, I just feel like a jerk for backing down a bit on my suggestion that we do it there.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on April 28, 2021 at 2:47 PM
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    If it were me, I'd have my wedding near where I'm located. Wanting to cater to his grandparents is nice, but you have to look at the bigger picture. Will the majority of the remaining guests have to travel farther in order to attend in FH's hometown? More importantly, are YOU wanting to travel that far for your wedding?

    I'd also rather have all of my vendors close to me and readily available to meet in person if need be. The risk of having it in another state is that you won't have many opportunities to meet them in person, and with things like hair and makeup, I feel like you need to have those vendors near you so you can have at least 1 or 2 trials before you book them. Also with your budget, it'll probably be easier to stick to it if your wedding is local to you, since you already know the area and can ask for local recs. Some vendors even offer discounts to local couples (my area does this).

    BUT if you end up having your wedding in FH's hometown to cater to his grandparents, DO NOT feel obligated to invited everyone in his family. Weddings aren't family reunions, so don't feel bad if you can't invite everyone. Stay within your guest count and budget limit.

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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    Congratulations! My fiancé’s great grandmother is 94 for originally I wanted to have my wedding closer to his hometown, which is only a five hour drive from us. After looking at a few wedding venues, I quickly realized that I could have a wedding I was happy with close to his family or I could have the wedding I LOVED up here where we live. So we are planning the wedding up where we live. His great grandma will have to travel, and at the time of our wedding will be 96 years old God willing. But it’s my wedding and it just fit better to have vendors closer to me than to do everything 5 hours away.


    With that said, if you want to have a wedding across the country, go for it. Plenty of brides have destination weddings without setting foot in the state of country they get married in before the wedding. Definitely hire a wedding coordinator though to help you with that. If you don’t want to get married half way across the country, that’s okay too! It’s okay to change your mind and to look elsewhere. Maybe by this fall his dad will change his mind about flying. Maybe you could livestream your wedding for his grandma. It’s your wedding. Make sure it’s what you and your fiancé want.
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Christy
    Devoted April 2022
    Christy ·
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    Yikes! That’s a tough spot. I think a great wedding planner will be a necessity.* That will assist you in communicating with vendors and staying on budget. As for hair/makeup, you might have to arrange to travel there for a trial and keep your fingers crossed that whoever you choose is good. I had to try 2 different MUAs and I ended up going with my usual stylist for my hair because the 1st hair/mu trial was just shy of a disaster (so I’m definitely feeling your anxiety on this). But if you hire a planner, they should be able to help you arrange all of this as well and hopefully have some good recommendations.


    Have an honest conversation with your FH about the costs of weddings (he probably doesn’t have a clue. Mine did not). Create a guest list together & discuss your individual priorities (musts vs wants) & the pros/cons of having it in each of those respective locations. You both may need to take a step back to mull over your positions before reaching a decision and that’s ok! (Obviously, speaking from experience here 😂)
    * My 1st wedding was a destination wedding & having a wedding planner was amazing.
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  • Monica
    Devoted August 2021
    Monica ·
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    I planned a long distance wedding (Seattle to WI so hi neighbor!) and was worried about not being able to have the experience either. A few things you definitely should be in person to do like the venue and tasting (or have someone go for you but that is less fun) but otherwise everything can be done just as well remotely and with covid vendors are used to this too. That being said, we planned over 3 years (thanks covid) and not under the time crunch you are.


    Do you trust someone who lives closer to tour the venues virtually and walk you through over Facetime? I know you want to save up your PTO but if not then you either need to take a trip or have it where you currently live. Another factor though is price. If your budget is strict I would think it would go a lot further in IL than WA. I've heard of brides here who have spent 10k on just venue fees. So look into that and see if it's even possible for what you want. Ultimately its you and your FH's decision to make but just some things to think about! Congrats on your engagement!
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    Thanks!! This is a good perspective
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  • Kim
    Dedicated April 2021
    Kim ·
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    I just got married on April 17th in North Carolina and I live in Florida. We did this so that we can accommodate my side of the family who all still live in NC and a few of our friends.u husband’s family still flew in or drove to NC from Wisconsin and Colorado. I planned my wedding in 90 days! Booked my venue January 20th of this year and got married on April 17th. It is very possible
    To plan a out of state wedding in a short period of time! You HAVE to be organize and on top of it though. I was my own wedding planner but I did have a say of coordinator. You can deal with your officiant, florist, bartender, photographer, and DJ via email or phone call and text. This is what I did but you need to have pictures and examples ready for them to show what you like! You need to do your own research and do pricing! And before all this you should set up a tour of your venue before booking one! Sometimes the venue looks great in photos but then you see it in person and not so much. It’s your wedding so so what’s right for you!!! I didn’t taste my cake either the only tasting I did was my food! Good luck!
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  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
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    I’m located in NY and our wedding is in California. I have a full service planner which helps but I definitely booked things without trialing them first. We booked a caterer without a tasting and I booked hair and MUA without a trial. Right now I’m planning a trip to California to do cake tasting, catered tasting, hair trial, makeup trial, and engagement shoot. It’s been a challenge to try and schedule all of those things over a few days. However if you are comfortable booking things based on a planners recommendation or can send a proxy to try things then it’s fine.
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    I just want to say that October is one of the most popular, if not the most popular, time to get married, so while some venues might be available, you may be limited on your other vendors as well. So that might make it a bit harder because Covid caused a lot of people to reschedule and that's already a very popular month. That being said, I would also start looking around for other vendors you may like and make sure they are available and kind of weigh it out that way. The venue is important, but you're right to want to look the way you want to look and have the important vendors be people you are happy with. Some vendors will even travel to you for a fee or accommodate you on a weekend if they are free. My hair stylist is willing to travel to me for my hair trial, but she also allows me to travel to her after working hours, which was important for me. So I think if I were you, I'd really weigh out the vendor situation in the locations you are considering and take it from there! Sometimes the vendors can also help with the long distance jitters of planning because they may have dealt with it before.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Everything I have read from past brides says to always plan locally whenever possible for less stress. Can you livestream for those who aren’t able to travel?
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