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Help lady's 6 1/2 years in and nervous

Tracy, on April 14, 2021 at 3:24 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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Hey so I've been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years and we've been through a lot of ups and downs , but through it all I still love him and I want him to be my forever. On the other hand him I'm not so sure anymore! I know he loves me but everytime we talk about marriage he says he has good intentions and be patient. He says little things like I can't wait for you to be my wife, but is that just talk! What should I do? Everyyear that goes by and no proposal it makes me sad. I'm just wondering at this point should I end it!

19 Comments

Latest activity by Elizabeth, on April 14, 2021 at 3:49 PM
  • Alyssa
    Devoted October 2023
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    My boyfriend proposed after 9.5 years. We started dating at 17/18, and it wasn't until we were around 25/26 that he even was play with me talking about wanting to get married. Then finally this past year (26/27) he proposed. I honestly gave up on thinking it would happen. I figured we live together, we have a life together, we are looking for a house what's a marriage going to change really?


    That being said we've never really had downs maybe 2 in the whole time we were together and that's when I was in nursing school.
    If you guys have a solid relationship, then just wait it out. He my be waiting for a reason.
    • Reply
  • Christy
    Dedicated April 2022
    Christy ·
    • Flag
    You don’t mention your respective ages or circumstances, which often factors into these decisions. My FH proposed a little over 5 yrs in. And it was a total surprise, not because he was so secretive in planning it, but because in 5 yrs we had NEVER discussed marriage. (I wanted to get married but never brought it up because I didn’t want him to feel pressure like I did the 1st time I said “yes.”). But after about 4 yrs, I reached a point where I knew I had to accept that it wasn’t going to happen & either (a) stay and enjoy our relationship, or (b) leave. I chose (a). In reaching that decision (it took a lot of reflection), I decided that I felt loved & respected and that was the most important thing for me, & that marriage was more of a “want” than a “need.” I think FH had a whole lot of things to reconcile before he made such a big decision & ultimately, I am happy he did put a lot of thought into it.


    That’s just my personal example rather than advice. But I hope it’s helpful in some way!
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    If you are young (mid-late twenty’s ) then I would understand because he may be looking for you guys to become more settled (better careers, purchase a home etc) but if you’re in your thirty’s and beyond and would like to have children or you’re simply tired of waiting let him know how you feel. You’ve been together a ling time, you feel like he isn’t going to ask anytime soon and you just want to know where you stand (without any pressure) if and why he’s not ready.
    • Reply
  • T
    Tracy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I just turned 27 and he's 2years younger then me and he says he wants to be financially stable that's his reason that's what he says.I just don't know
    • Reply
  • T
    Tracy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hey and thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate it yea I just turned 27 and he will be 25. I get that maybe I should wait it out but I've always wanted marriage and I honestly don't know if he's ready or what to believe that's my main concern.
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    After seeing your ages that gives a bit more perspective. I’m sure he wants to be a bit more financially stable before getting married and starting that part of his life. My son and his wife were together for 7 years before he proposed and my daughters fiancée just proposed last summer and they were together 6 years. They were in their late 20’s when all of this happened. If you love him then just give it more time. Some people focus too much on the wedding and marriage and less on the relationship and the person which is what really matters. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I think it depends on how you truly feel about your relationship with him. If you love him like you say then a ring and a piece of paper shouldn't matter. If you aren't willing to wait for him to propose then maybe you should move on. If he truly means what he says then I agree you need to be patient. Every relationship is different. I dated this one guy when we were 17 and after 9 months of dating he proposed to me (I turned him down for some reason) however when I finally met my fiance we dated for 2 years and I was 28 and he was 26 when he proposed to me. I know some couples that don't get engaged until after 10 years.
    • Reply
  • Shelly
    Rockstar January 2022
    Shelly ·
    • Flag

    FH proposed after we'd been together 6.5 years so you aren't alone! I was feeling doubtful and wasn't sure if he was serious about marriage. Also, ya'll are the same ages as us haha! I'm 27 and he's 25 and believe me when I say this, he's more than likely waiting for you both to be more financially stable. After FH got a higher paying job, that's when the serious marriage talk starting popping up and he proposed. FH said that same thing to me and I didn't believe him lol, but it was true!

    Just give it time. If you love him like you say you do, and he's the same with you, then be patient. It's hard to do so, but every relationship is on a different timeline. This is something I had to tell myself constantly. Just because other people your age and younger are getting married doesn't mean that you both aren't where you need to be in your relationship. Some people get engaged after only a few months of dating, others take years, some never do get engaged, and others have 3+ long engagements.

    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    From my experience he's not going to propose until he's ready. Take his word that he wants to get married after becoming more financially stable. For the most part men are still viewed as the ones that need to be prepared to be a provider during marriage and he wants to be sure that he can do that before making a vow to do that in front of your families. It's a lot of pressure.


    You're both young. Just trust the process.
    • Reply
  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
    • Flag

    I totally understand your frustration. While I do agree with the other girls that age and stability absolutely play a HUGE factor, I have a little bit of a different perspective! Mind you, I'm 25 - so only take this with whatever credibility you feel like is necessary LOL

    I dated a guy for 5 years (18-23). I got so defeated watching my friends get engaged knowing I was nowhere near that. We were so young, and my boyfriend at the time, honestly, sucked. Our parents would make comments about getting married and he would literally laugh. This guy, even now, is a loser and had no intentions of getting his life together, let alone get married. If I'm being honest, I tried to love him into getting his life together, and that was a waste of my time.

    I was dating my now fiancé for right at a year a half before he proposed. We have had our ups and downs, nothing wild or crazy but we've had our trials -- I've still always known he was the one I would marry. For many reasons, but mainly because he was always very upfront about his future goals and his words have always matched his actions. But he was also financially stable before I came into the picture.

    With that, every relationship is unique. You guys know where your relationship is. And it is definitely true that he will propose if and when he is ready, so I wouldn't pressure him into anything. Be patient with him for sure, but don't waste your time. If you feel like you're in a dead in relationship, I wouldn't wait around, personally. But each circumstance and relationship is different. I know people who have gotten married well after 6.5 years of dating.

    • Reply
  • Bethany
    Dedicated October 2021
    Bethany ·
    • Flag

    There is no "right" timeline for marriage. My FH and I started dating at 21, and he proposed shortly after our 7 year anniversary. I was definitely getting antsy, but waiting has allowed us to throw ourselves the wedding we want - we would not have been able to afford this even two years ago. Waiting for financial stability is absolutely a good thing.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I definitely understand your frustration. 6.5 years is a long time to be with someone with no sign of marriage coming soon. That being said, he is only 25. That is pretty young. I feel like most men are not ready to take such a serious step until they are a little more mature. I think voicing your frustration would be fair and then ride it out a little longer.

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Devoted August 2022
    Nicole Online ·
    • Flag
    I started dating my fiancé at 24 and got engaged at 27. I wasn't comfortable waiting anxiously for a proposal on his unknown timeline so I initiated a conversation about our future and was very direct. I felt so much better after we agreed we wanted to get married, and came up with a timeline for engagement and the wedding. I'd recommend sitting down with your boyfriend and have the conversation so you're not left wondering and waiting in the dark.
    • Reply
  • AB
    Dedicated September 2022
    AB ·
    • Flag

    FH and I are both 22, have been together for 2 years, known each other for 5. We are not like "normal" young adults, we pay for rent together, share our money and bills, have loans together, have a savings account together, and have already begun creating a life together for almost two years. When we first got together, he had a very long "timeline" aka get engaged in 6-7 years, married when we are 28/29, kids 30-35. He is from Denver and I have always lived in a small town (under 8,000). There was absolutely nothing wrong with his ideas on how long to wait, just different perspectives. He used to think "if we are going to be together forever, what is the rush?", my perspective has been "if we know now, why wait?". We got into a pretty serious wreck with no injuries and both of us thought we cannot wait around for the right moment. We picked out a ring together and although we don't make much (both full time students and full time jobs), he worked hard every month to put money down on the ring. There were months all Nate could put down was a $20 a month. My long-winded point is no time is the right time, if you know then you know, and even if someone is broke they can find a way to make it work, maybe just bring it up to him.

    • Reply
  • HRhodes
    HRhodes ·
    • Flag

    My sister-in-law was dating her fiance for 9 years before he proposed, and they're 26 (going to be 27 this year). He may just emotionally not be ready but want you to be his forever too.

    • Reply
  • Krystina
    Savvy October 2021
    Krystina ·
    • Flag

    My fiancé and I had talked a lot about getting married and I knew he was the one within a few months of dating. I got tired of waiting after two years and proposed to him. He said yes right away and admitted if I'd left it to him, he would have just kept second-guessing the right time or way to propose for years. But we're both older and I wanted to get a family going.

    Proposing is always an option, ladies. "Financial stability" may never come. I think like anyone, guys just get nervous and don't want to deal with the headache of a wedding or the commitment of forever. Sometimes you gotta be the one to take the leap and see if he'll follow!

    • Reply
  • Devoted June 2021
    ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé proposed when we were at our 6.5 year mark. There was never a question of it not happening more so circumstances. Our first year together I was 10 hours away at school when I finally transferred home we worked crappy part time jobs still living at home. He went back to school it took me another 2 years to graduate. Saving for an affordable place in our expensive city was hard. Unexpected expenses kept coming up and taking from our savings. It wasn’t until we were at the 6 year mark that we got our place. And 5 months later he proposed. We always knew we didn’t want to get engaged and still live with our parents and we also wanted better jobs. Until we were done with school part time was all that suited us. It took a while before we got full time jobs with benefits and retirement plans. So what I’m saying is, are there certain circumstances that are delaying him from proposing? Is there a place you both agreed you wanted to be before you got married or engaged? I remember being In that place wondering if it was ever going to happen, then having him remind me of where we wanted to be first it was our promise to ourselves. And the minute we got to that place I got the ring.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag

    My fiancé and I were together for almost 5.5 years before he proposed; we met when we were 21. We both knew for a long time that we had found the one, but the timing was never right before then, we talked about marriage and kids, A LOT before we were engaged. We've never really had any 'downs' that pushed the proposal down the line, it was mostly financial concerns (for the ring, wedding, and future). We didn't start planning our wedding for two years because of career changes and will be engaged 4.5 years before we get married (also, thanks covid!). Everyone has their own timeline, and if he isn't ready, he won't propose. You could always propose to him!

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated August 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    I would have an open and honest conversation if it's bothering you. I know others are recommending you be patient, but I know if I were in your situation that would be hard for me to do! After just shy of a year of dating, I knew my man was the one for me and was impatient to start our lives together. By sitting down and hearing one another's perspectives, it helped a lot. He realized how important this next step was to me, and I understood why he was waiting and had reassurance it wouldn't be too much long. You've waited a very long time, and I think it's important to have an idea of if it's going to happen soon-ish, or if he'll keep you waiting 6 more years.
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