HELP! Invitation wording - Bride's parents not paying

Neither of our families are paying and we put "together with their families". You should word it however you're comfortable. Sometimes there's more then money that matters. Our families are contributing by leaving us alone and letting us plan what we want. That means more than any amount of money.

This seems a little selfish of your FH. Your family is under no obligation to help, and just because they haven't paid thousands of dollars for your wedding doesn't mean your they aren't still a part of your big day. It just seems like FH wants to lord his family's money over you.

Can you choose an invitation design that doesn't refer to your parents? For example, FH likes this design and nowhere on it are parents mentioned.

Groom's father and mother name

cordially invite you to the wedding of their son

groom name

to

your name

daughter of your parents names

date time etc

ETA: wording it this way establishes that his parents are the hosts but also includes the names of your parents. Personally I think it's petty of them to ensure that everyone knows that THEY are the only ones paying but that's actually the truth so...you know...you have to go with it.

Good luck on this one.

We totally left the parents off. I ordered mine way in advance and my father passed before the big day, mom has been gone since I was a kid. We paid for the biggest chunk of the wedding with a bit from my father, His parents did not even give us a card that day.

@livelybride - I can live with that wording. It mentions his family first and still tastefully mentions mine. I think it just hurts me the most that they didn't want any mention of my family on it. I still want to at least be acknowledged as someone's daughter, regardless of who pays.

Yeah, I'm sorry, but that sounds really messed up of FH's family -- and frankly, him -- to want it so clear that they paid. LivelyBride's wording is basically the only thing you can do, to include your parents name and keep the FILs happy, but I think it's kind of crass. I realize it's just the fact of the matter, but still. If I received a wedding invite worded this way, it would definitely start a conversation; there can be no doubt as to the situation, that FH's family wanted it this way.

Now that I've thought about it, I think this would cast a pretty negative light on FH's family. I think putting your parents name there, and highlighting that they're not contributing, looks worse than not having their names there.

ETA: also, this is really tricky and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, Kristina! You have every right to feel hurt. Can you perhaps try talking to FH about it? Maybe he doesn't realize what a big deal it is to exclude HIS future in-laws.

Etiquette dictates that only the parents contributing money be on the invitation. My mother paid for the wedding but I wanted to honor FH's parents so I did include them with "son of Mr. and Mrs John Blah". My mother didn't have an issue with it and my FIL's said we shouldn't have included them. Go figure.

My family didnt directly give us money for the wedding, but they did pay off my car after we announced our engagement (I owed $6000 left on it) so that we can eliminate my car payment to help with finances for wedding planning. That should mean something at least. I think the major issue is the fact that my family doesn't see the point in spending tens of thousands of dollars on a big wedding , they think we could have done a smaller destination wedding instead. I have a very small family (only have 7 family members that will attend), so I can understand their reasoning on that to an extent. However, my FH has a large family and will have at least 40 something family members there, so a destination wedding really wasn't much of an option.

@FutureMrsT - Hard to talk to the FH about it - he just gets upset and says "what about what I want?" and tells me to not put him in between me and his mother. Awesome.

Respectfully, @MrsA2B, etiquette does NOT dictate that "only the parents contributing money be on the invitation." That's absurd. You're incorrect here. Not true.

Miss Manners has a great book about wedding etiquette and much has been written about this. You can google it, Kristina.

His family is being petty but whatevs, they are paying and you need to step around it. Good luck.

I stand corrected, it's a changing tradition. It is considered diplomatic to include parents whether they are paying or not.

We didn't put parents on the invite anywhere at all. Much better that way. With it being an issue of contention I just honestly wouldn't mention either set of parents.