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Dedicated August 2019

Help... important question about Catholic ceremony

Elizabeth, on June 27, 2018 at 9:34 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 8

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I'm so stressed. We're both Catholic and we've been planning to get married at a church, but we just want to do the ceremony and no mass (most importantly because I really want my uncle, who is a deacon, to be our officiant, but also to save time and because half of our guests are not Catholic). I've always been under the impression that a mass is NOT required, but the priest at the church we contacted is basically saying that a ceremony without a mass is really just for circumstances where one spouse is not Catholic, and told us that he contacted the director of liturgy for our diocese (Harrisburg, PA) and explained the situation and will leave it up to him. But he said "it really ought to be a nuptial mass" and his "gut instinct" is that the director of liturgy will say the same thing and basically we will have to have a mass.

I just don't understand because other people I know have had a Catholic wedding did not have a mass, plus all of the research I've done on my own has shown that it's not required. Is this priest just really strict and disapproving of the fact that we don't want a Mass? Does it vary by diocese? Do we have another choice if we want a Catholic wedding?

I just don't know what to do. It means so much to me that my uncle, someone I know and love, be the one to marry us - it will make our wedding day so much more special. And we picked this church because it's beautiful and also only 15 minutes away from our venue and we do not want to make our guests drive far between the ceremony and reception.

Anyone have any knowledge on this? I could really use some help and ideas/support 😔

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on June 27, 2018 at 8:12 PM

Dedicated July 2018
Christina · on June 27, 2018 at 10:03 AM
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From my understanding, regardless if you have a full mass or not, you still have to meet all the other requirements to get married in the Catholic church (i.e. natural family planning, meetings with a mentor couple, engaged encounter retreat, etc.) so the only time you're saving by not doing a full mass is a max of 20 minutes. Check with your parish to see if your uncle can preform the part of the mass/ceremony where you exchange vows & rings but have the priest do everything else. If you're going through the entire process to get married in the Catholic church, just do the whole thing so you can fully obtain the sacrament of marriage! That's my two cents
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Savvy November 2018
wheelingtowheeler · on June 27, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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Because you are both baptized practicing Catholics the church will most likely want you to have a mass. Marriage is a sacrament and mass is part of that sacrament. The marriage right outside of mass is usually for people
marrying a nonCatholic. You might still be able to have you uncle involved though. A deacon can always assist the priest or if the priest is ok with it maybe your uncle can read the gospel and do the homily. My church doesn’t have a live in priest but we do have twodeacons. When we have a visiting priest the priest will preside over the mass but one of our deacons does the gospel and homily.
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Super October 2018
Tammy · on June 27, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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This would be my suggestion too, can your Uncle preform the marriage part of the ceremony and the priest the rest? I'm not sure how it works if you have a non-catholic pastor marrying you in a church without a priest I'm not sure that would be considered a 'Catholic marriage'.
I'm Catholic but not getting married in a church but I've never been to a Catholic wedding where there wasn't also a mass so I'm not exactly sure how it would all work.
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WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
Jo · on June 27, 2018 at 10:16 AM
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Hey there Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to hear how stressed you are! This is something that can vary diocese to diocese, parish to parish, and even priest to priest. Some will be totally happy to let you decide whether you want to do a full mass or just a ceremony, but it sounds like your parish may not be open to that. You can explain your reasons and ask them to reconsider, but whatever they decide will likely be final. Then I suppose it'll be up to you and your partner to decide whether you'll look for another church, stick with that church and have a full mass, or do something totally different. That's really disappointing, I'm sorry it isn't turning out to be as simple as you'd expected (or as I would have expected!!) but don't lose hope yet! I'll keep my fingers crossed that the director of liturgy comes back with some great options for you. If it doesn't work out let us know and we can brainstorm with you for some ways to have a short ceremony which includes your uncle.
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Dedicated August 2019
Elizabeth · on June 27, 2018 at 11:23 AM
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Aw thank you so much! This actually made me feel a lot better! ❤️ Still waiting to hear back from the priest about what the director of liturgy says, and we also contacted another church that's just a little farther away, just to see what their stance is on the issue. Hoping for some good news either way!
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Dedicated August 2019
Elizabeth · on June 27, 2018 at 11:48 AM
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UPDATE: we contacted another local church just to see what their stance is and they said we can get married there without a full mass! So relieved! 😀
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Dedicated December 2017
Allison · on June 27, 2018 at 7:15 PM
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Just curious -- will they let your uncle officiate? Even without a full mass, I've always thought that a priest is the only one who can perform a sacrament in the Catholic church.
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Savvy July 2018
Anna · on June 27, 2018 at 8:12 PM
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There is a rite for marriage without a Mass that can be used by two Catholics. It even includes a communion rite, although no consecration. This is also the rite of marriage usually used for marriage between a Catholic and baptized non-Catholic Christian, although there the communion rite is usually omitted.
I saw that you were able to contact another church that would allow the rite of marriage without a mass, but if you do run into more problems, would you consider having your uncle concelebrate? It is preferred that marriage take place within a mass, but it is an option for it not to.
I think it would be wonderful to have your uncle preside at your marriage. Also, because knowledge is power, if you really want to arm yourself, here are the rites. Order for celebrating marriage outside a mass begins on page 31 of the pdf, paragraph 79.
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