Help!! I'm being a control freak!!

You need to accept that there is no such thing as "perfect" when it comes to things like music and colors. Those are preferences. Some people prefer one thing, while others prefer another. There isn't one objectively "perfect" color scheme. Maybe accepting that it is all a matter of preference, rather than there being one true "perfect" choice, will help you relax.

Also, people may remember how you treat them more than whether it is perfect. Is having your choice of color really more important than whether your fiance and his groomsmen feel like you care about them and value them?

Sounds like he’s turning into a groomzilla!

i will occasionally ask my FH for his opinion on things, but for the most part, I’m going to do what I want. I did include him in the cake tasting and design of the cake as well as the menu tasting. I will consider his opinion when I pick out invitations, but he’s excluded from colors, flowers, dresses. It’ll be too stressful to try to include him in everything.

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I'm confused. It seems like he is expressing opinions on what HE will wear. Why would she be more entitled to have opinions about what he wears than he is?

Plus, other than the dress / bride's attire which is the bride's choice, I'm not sure why the groom wouldn't get an equal say in things. It is both people's weddings, not just the bride's.

I would hardly consider him a groomzilla for expressing his choice of suit. Not every man is going to passively sit back while the bride makes all the decisions, thank the Lord.

View Quoted Comment My situation may be different since he said he didn’t care what I did in regards to the wedding, but I choose to include him in things that I thought would matter to him.

Is there really equal say when there are two different opinions? Someone or both will have to give one way or another. Maybe she gives into his attire and he lets go of the music.

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Right, but you start out with the assumption that both people's opinions are equally valid, and then both people have to compromise until you can reach an agreement. That is different from starting out with the assumption that the bride's opinion is right and the groom's is wrong. Plus, in this case it seems like he does matter, since he is expressing opinions rather than just automatically agreeing with her.

View Quoted Comment He absolutely matters.. I've consulted him in every single aspect of the wedding. And his opinion does influence me.

View Quoted Comment Not that I’m backtracking, but my calling her FH a groomzilla was in jest. I call my FH a groomzilla all the time It’s hard to plan something with so many different parts with so many varying opinions, someone’s not going to get exactly what they want.

Sorry if any joking or sarcasm was overlooked.

I wanted FH and his groomsmen to be in charcoal suits. He wanted black. They are going to be in black.

I wanted to get married indoors in the fall. He wanted an outdoor wedding in the spring. We're getting married outdoors in the spring.

He wanted emerald green with gold accents. I wanted purple. We're having a couple different shades of purple with a couple green accents.

It's his wedding too and he needs to be happy with it. It's not totally my vision but at the end of the day what matters is us getting married. So if he's happy I'm happy.

Nothing is ever perfect, keep in mind it's not just your wedding it's his too. Getting married is the most important aspect of this whole process. No one will know if something isn't the right color or the music not being exactly what you wanted it to be.

Perfection is exhausting. Learn how to let go and compromise. Learn that all those little things don't matter. No one besides you cares about them. Sometimes, good enough is good enough.

I’ve consulted with FH about pretty much everything, minus my dress, jewelry and shoes. I’ve shared tux colors I like, but I’m not going to control him or dismiss what he wants. He likes navy suits better, which is funny because I’ve always envisioned him in a navy suit! We make decisions together because it’s his wedding too.

For the the most part I’m usually a control freak, and perfectionist, but I’m not going to bulldoze him and plan what I want and dismiss his thoughts, opinions and wants. We’ve compromised on a few things, which honestly makes me happy as it shows we’re both excited, and want this wedding to be amazing and representative of us. 😊


Honestly, you need to take a step back and let him have a voice, it’s his wedding as well.

Fortunately mu fiance and i have a lot of the same taste. However, he loves house music, I pretty much hate it. And i love old school r&b, hip hop and soul. I am from NY and nu ghest will want to hear the latter. He is from Jersey and his guest would love the house music. The compromise... the last hour of the night we will play old school house that mixes with r&b/hip hop/soul. So my suggestion is to find ways to merge your preferences into one where possible.

Step back and stop thinking of it as “my” wedding, and start thinking about it as “our” wedding.

You can be a total control freak, I know I am, if you are being a control freak about the things you and your FS agree on together. Listen to him, you might end up liking his ideas more than you realize.

Okay firstly, details are not important at all. Not even a little. Not one person will care what colors you picked or what decor you choose.

So what if you don't like exactly the same music? Include his music too. It is his wedding as well. I listen to country and FH listens to alternative. Guess what our play list is? A mix of country and alternative. I hand picked the songs and made sure we either have equal share in music or that he has more songs than me because I want him to enjoy his day.

If he wants his groomsmen to have a choice so they can be comfortable then they should have a choice. You don't get to control his friends/family. You can pick your bridesmaids dresses, he will deal with his men. Let him be comfortable and happy in what he wears. Perhaps y'all can find a compromise with colors so he doesn't clash but also isn't in a suit he doesn't want to wear. Would you like it if he forced you to wear a dress you didn't want? Again, it's his wedding too.

What did I let my FH have control over? Anything he wanted. He mostly doesn't care (frankly neither do I) so he hasn't said much but anything he asks for I give him because why shouldn't he have a say?

As far as the wedding goes I'm not a perfectionist so I can't help you there. But you definitely need to let it go and give him some say because it isn't YOUR day, it's BOTH of yours.

Hi! Control freak here! Except for this one time. For this one event. Because this is OUR wedding. FH really only cares that everyone has a great time and that we don't go over budget. But I care about his comfort, so he needs to help decide what he's wearing. I care about him enjoying the reception, so he'll be helping make decisions about food, cake, and music. Whatever we decide together will be perfect. I'll let my control freak flag fly when it comes to putting together the centerpieces.

My FH and I have made every decision together. It is our wedding, not mine. I think you need to reframe your thinking like the others have said above.

Take a step back and consider what will happen when the wedding is over. Will it matter what color suit he wore? Will it matter if the centerpieces were different than what you had initially planned? I can promise you the answer is no. I fretted about so many trivial things before our wedding that now I look back and I think about how that mattered in the grand scheme of things and I realize that it doesn't matter at all. None of it did. Now we are married, it's back to real life without color schemes and linens and place settings, and when real life returns the only thing that matters is how you treated each other and the people you love while you planned.

My husband wanted to tell his groomsmen just to wear any dark suit, black, grey, whatever. He bough himself a blue suit. I was worried it would look stupid with so many colors. It looked beautiful. And even if it had looked stupid, I don't think anyone would have noticed for more than 4 seconds.

Try to focus on the real reason for this big huge party you're throwing and that might help you compromise more and release some of the control!