Help! i don’t want to give my soon to be brother in law a plus one.

I would factor in now that he might be dating someone by then but play it by ear until it comes time to send invites. You’re well within your rights to not extend a plus one to him if he is not in a relationship.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I was thinking, but my mother told me I HAVE to give him a plus one.. If he is in a serious relationship he can have one, but I don’t want to pay for a plate for someone who he doesn’t find significant..thanks for your help!

I'd budget for a date for him, but it's not something you have to make up your mind on for about 17/18 months.

I think it's smart to field this one to your fiance. Tell him how you feel about his brother's behavior and let him handle it. However, if he's in the wedding party he gets a plus one regardless because that's a courtesy extended to the people spending a crapload of money to be in your wedding

Has anyone asked the brother why he is engaging in these types of activities? Is it because he is ultimately just disrespectful towards women? Is it because he is dealing with some trauma that no one knows about? I'd at least talk to him before just tossing him out the window and not allowing him to bring someone.

View Quoted Comment I talk to my fiancé about it ALL the time. But his brother is definitely not one to talk, in fact he gets really nasty when you try to ask him about his life. I think he’s got some issues he needs worked out but it’s definitely not my place, and neither one of us are as close to him as we would like to be. I come from a very tight knit family, and it’s hard for me to not have a brother in law I am close to. But i think asking these questions would just cause him to lash out.

View Quoted Comment Yes you are totally right, i’m asking mostly because I don’t want to give one, but I also don’t want to be a jerk.

Personally, since your wedding is still 2 years away, I would factor him in with a plus one just for your estimated count. A lot can happen in two years and you never know, he could change his ways and get a serious girlfriend by then. Heck, he could even be engaged himself by then. I'd say give him a plus one so you can get a number to start looking at venues. When the time comes, if he doesn't change, don't factor him in with a plus one when your invites and RSVP's go out. It's easier to take one away when planning a wedding then having to add another person when the wedding gets closer. I had that issue with my wedding and I had to move our tables around to accommodate the plus one we found out about last week (and my wedding is in 13 days). I had to contact my caterer and order more food for the additional person, put a rush on an additional escort card (I have already received all of them in the mail but had to order one more and pay extra for expedited shipping), and I change a couple of other things around b/c certain people do not get along with this particular plus one and I wanted to make sure there were no issues.

Basically as others have said just factor on a plus one for now but you don't have to give him one at that is not talking. First of all it's your wedding so you should be able to what you want to especially considering the fact that he's very secretive about his life and doesn't seem too want to build a close relationship with you. Plus ones are nice to give so people can bring a friend or something like that so if you have the money great but I will say this you'd have to be fair. So if you don't allow him a plus one because he's not a relationship that you need to do the same thing to everyone else not a relationship because I'm sure he'll find out that other people were allowed to bring someone that they were not a serious relationship with but he was not and I can see that causing some drama.

I would definitely not worry about this until way closer to the wedding. You'll need to decide if he gets a plus one when the invites go out, but no sooner, so that means roughly a couple months before the wedding. A lot can change in 22 months!

Note: When you send out STDs (in about 17-18 months) I think its totally fine to send them to the person actually invited - you don't need to worry about "and guest" until the actual invitations go in the mail.

I wouldn’t worry about this too much until you start thinking about sending out invites... a lot can change in a year and a half to two years

Factor in a plus one now for numbers since your wedding is so far off. But if it's close to the wedding and he's not in a relationship, then I wouldn't give him a plus one. We didn't give plus ones to people who were not in a relationship. And yes, this included the best man. I know a lot of people on this site claim that the bridal party need to automatically be given plus ones, but I absolutely disagree with that logic. We didn't want random people who we had never met at our wedding. You do not have to give your fiance's brother a plus one unless he is actually in a relationship, but you would need to be consistent and that means no plus ones for other guests not in serious relationships.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

As long as you keep the rule consistent, it shouldn't be an issue. No plus ones. If someone is in a serious relationship, invite them by name.

If he is not in a relationship at the time your invites go out, then you can skip giving him a plus one but if he is in a relationship when invites go out, he should get a plus one regardless of his dating history and the way you feel about it. Good news is that you still have 2 years to think about it.