Help! i don't want to be rude to my future sil but.....

I would choose R over V if you can only have one. I understand your points but to pick his 14 year old cousin over his sister would probably really hurt the sister's feelings. You could also ask both or ask neither.

I guess I would rather have neither. Any suggestion on how to include V in the wedding? She's really close to me but too old to be a flower girl.

Do you want to have R as a bridesmaid at all? If not, why not just include both and have all four?

It looks like you responded above at the same time I was posting, sorry about that! If you want neither that's fine too. Could V be an "usherette"/greeter of sorts (handing out programs)? Or do a reading during the ceremony?

The way I look at it is it is YOUR wedding, YOUR big day. Not theirs if they don't like it well it's not their choice to make and it's not the day they're going to look back on and remember for the rest of their lives, i mean I'm sure they will remember it, but not like you and your future husband will. Your wedding day is about making you happy not everyone else. We just went to my fiance' s best friends wedding and they looked misserable bc they let their mothers take over instead of doing things the way they wanted.

Maybe have R as a bridesmaid and V as a junior bridesmaid?
This is a difficult question, you shouldn't have to include someone you don't want to include. Does FH think his parents will be upset if you chose V over R?

You could have R and ask V to do a reading or have her be a Jr BM.

Honestly I mean it's your wedding. You don't have to listen to anyone on here about who you should or shouldn't have in your bridal party. If you want V and don't want R. Ok. Cool. Your decision. I mean yeah it may hurt her feelings but if it doesn't bother FH or yourself, then that's all that matters. Or it may not be a big deal to her. You never know

Honestly I would make V a Jr Bridesmaid either way, whether you have R in the wedding or not. Could you ask R to do a reading and have V be the Jr. Bridesmaid? Or forget both of them and just have two. It doesn't matter if your side is uneven from your fiance's. Your fiance could always have his sister in his side.

I think you really just have to decide whether it’s worth the drama. If it is, add V as a BM and don’t worry about how anyone else reacts. If it isn’t worth it, don’t include either of them.

View Quoted Comment This is what I would do.

I would either have 2 or 4 bridesmaids. Choosing between the two doesn't sound best!

I don't think you should worry about hurt feelings bc you are choosing someone you connect with better. It is your day, if you think you will regret having R then don't pick her.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, I agree with this

I think your sisters feelings will be hurt if you include his sister, but not your own. I'd include your own sister or stick with 2 bridesmaids.

Honestly... choose who YOU want since its YOUR day! lol... i know its a simple answer, but it makes me so upset that people are made to feel bad about making decisions for THEIR wedding, so i say do what makes you happy! in the end everyone will get over it!

Do what you want! FFIL & FMIL can calm down and do a vow renewal if they want her to be party of a wedding party.

Thanks for all your advice!

Honestly what I would do is pick your sister over both of them. That way it wont offend anyone because if they are angry you picked your own family over them, then that is on them, and it will keep the peace in YOUR family.

View Quoted Comment This is what I was going to say