Help, i don't want people getting wasted at our wedding.

This question is asked often on WW. Unfortunately, you can't control how much people drink unless you have a dry wedding. I agree, that isn't fair to really any of your guests to do that. A cash bar won't help (I assume) unless the guests REALLY don't spend money on liquor ever. People get drunk in bars, where they pay for liquor, so I'm not sure why that would change at a wedding. Another option is just beer & wine. But again, people get drunk on beer and wine. I would just hire a bartender that is professional and knows what they are doing, they will know when to cut people off. You could also hire security if you anticipate a problem.

I would ensure your bartender knows who these said people are on the down low.. that way if they are drinking too much and look overly intoxicated the bartenders can legally cut them off because of their licenses. Or yes, you could also have security. My mom is a no nonsense type of Italian, so she already said she is watching out for people acting up and she has no problem telling them they're done or for the bartender to do so. If you have any type of family member like that, it helps. At my friend's wedding her FIL literally kicked someone out of the wedding for acting up. End of the day it's your event so you can host it accordingly, family or not, people need to be respectful of the time and money spent on a wedding.

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I agree with this. There isn't anything you can do to control anyone else's behavior.

View Quoted Comment My biggest concern is that this isn't a person I can kick out...

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So you mean like someone in the actual wedding party/part of the ceremony in some way? I could see where that gets sticky, but I wouldn't punish your other guests by having a dry wedding. Would they listen to a security guard if you went that route?

I am giving our bartenders names and photos of our "problem guests" to caution them about over serving. They were happy to plan for that in advance, and said I could always give them a signal to cut "problem guest" off at any point if I felt they were over indulging.

I liked that idea because it protects the venue and the event, plus the venue will take the heat for choosing not to serve the guest rather than the couple.

I saw someone on another post say something about giving out a set number of drink "tokens" for each guest. Maybe you can do something like that? We're just doing an open bar and assuming since all our guests are adults they will handle their liquor and act appropriately. There isn't too much you can do unfortunately.

It's someone who is a fairly big part but not like a bridesmaid or groomsmen. I like the token idea, that way it doesn't seem like targeting a person. Just a general rule.

Oh well, I guess I’m punishing everyone. I will not be serving alcohol because of some of FH’s family. Not to mention it cuts out a huge expensive. I’ve seen brides on here share that they decided to provide one wine bottle per table.

We had an open bar, top shelf at our destination reception in Puerto Rico. A lot of our guests are big drinkers. So you KNOW people were trying to get LIT on vacay. The hired bartenders are also responsible in knowing when a guest has had too much. Our bartender cut off 2 of my girlfriends when he knew they had too many tequila shots.

It's not your job to worry about people holding their liquor. Have the open bar if that was your plan, and also remind the bartending staff to politely cut anyone off who's too wasted. The venue has liabilities, and they do NOT want anyone getting sick, leaving in an ambulance, or worse at your event.

I've been to dozens of weddings - all open bar, and only once have I seen someone drunk being carried out. Believe it or not - it was the groom!

We have a few “trouble” guests we are concerned about. I don’t drink at all and I know about half of our guests do. So, we decided on doing a cocktail hour, that we will pay for and then the reception will be a cash bar. This helps our situation because the trouble guests won’t have much (if any) money to drink with. We will also give our bartender a heads up about the trouble people and to cut anyone off who’s had too much. I didn’t want it to be a dry wedding because I know people want the option of drinking but I knew an open bar could become an issue. I’ve been to a few open bar weddings that actually ran out of alcohol and there were loads of complaints there. I’ve never heard complaints about a cash bar. I think the guests know it can get very pricey and the drinkers are just happy that they’re given the option to buy drinks if needed.

I understand how you feel. My FH and I both have relatives that have had issues in the past. We've spoken to those close to them whether it's one of their kids, a parent, etc and explained that we will be having an open bar and to keep an eye out for the offenders.

Our venue offers and open bar for our reception and I will not take away everyone else's fun for the sake of a couple of troublemakers.

If you venue and its staff are legitimate then they should know when to cut people off.

Perhaps a friendly reminder or heart-to-heart chat with them or their spouse *might* help. Prep bartenders to cut off guests. But to prep for potential problems, have either their spouse or security escort them out if those individuals get out of hand--it may be tough/awkward for a bartender to cut off belligerent family members and with all the drinks on tables, those drinkin' guests will just pick up unattended glasses of booze anyway.

Hard alcohol can be more dangerous for the wrong crowd. You can offer just beer & wine, which is good hosting for all your other guests who can handle their alcohol. Please don't do drink tickets, cash bar, etc. A problem drinker will find/bring booze somehow and it's not fair to the majority of your guests to punish them. Or host a brunch wedding if you really don't want to provide alcohol.

Even with telling your bartender "these are my problem guests, please limit them".. what's not to say I'm your problem guest, but I have Sally go get a drink from the bartender and give it to me? That being said, hopefully even though they like to drink, they will respect that it's a formal event, not a birthday party at a bar and not indulge too much. Maybe have their sig-nif, parent, etc kind of watch out for them and be the bad guy.. it's your wedding day, you don't have time to police everyone.

We had our bar switch to cash after dinner in an attempt to limit over consumption because we were at altitude. The people we were worried about were still trashed. They pregamed and hit the free drinks hard. Just have your bartender be conservative and keep an eye out, and don’t be afraid to tell them to cut someone off. Our wedding coordinator took care of that for us. If I could go back I would’ve had an open bar the whole night. We punished the masses for a few and it solved literally nothing, instead many of our friends left early.

View Quoted Comment Insightful! Thanks for sharing.

I'd go with a cash bar. My FH and I are going to host up to a certain amount and then if people want to keep drinking, they may. I understand your concern but it is hard to predict people's behavior.

We're having two bottles of wine on each table, and if budget allows it two drink tickets each. After that if guests want to drink more they can get it themselves at the cash bar.

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Totally agree with you

I’m having that same problem myself right now - I have two friends who are complete drunks. If it were not for those two - this would not be a issue. I don’t want to punish everyone but in the same those 2 can be a liability in a bad way. Case in point one of them has two DUIs already both times on probation still drinking - it’s sad.