Help! i am a Bride and a Bridesmaid i don't know what to do...

I don’t think it’s selfish especially if you don’t have the financial means to be a bridesmaid. However I will ask if you’ve considered trying to find the same dress used? I mean if you got the same dress used for a fraction of the cost then that’s not a terrible option either - just an option if you haven’t thought of it.
I tell my friends all the time that being someone’s bridesmaid may be more $$ and time than they think! I was JUST one for a wedding that was almost a week ago and I had to travel twice to get there and man overall I spent quite a bit of $$

I don't think it is selfish of you to back out. I think it is selfish of her to make her bridesmaids spent $300 on a dress without making sure it was within everyone's budget. If she might be postponing her wedding, then there is definitely no rush on getting the dresses. I would have a sit down conversation with her and be completely honest with her about your concerns. Hopefully she will understand.

If she gave you the option to back out I would just back out. Sounds like she was being understanding to me

I don’t think you’re being selfish to back out. Honestly, if I was expected to pay that much for a dress I’d have to back out whether I was working or not. There’s just no way that kind of ensemble for one evening fits in my budget, no matter how much I love that friend. But honestly the friends that I’m closest to who would ask me to be a bridesmaid are close enough to know what I can’t afford. The cost of a dress was a huge factor in what I picked. And I honestly was trying to find one cheaper than the one I went with, but my girls assured me that that was their first choice (it was secretly my first choice too) and that they didn’t find it too expensive at all.


I think you need to do what’s going to be best for you. Maybe offer to still come to (or help with) bridal shower or bachelorette, this would help your friend to know that it’s the financial factor and not a wanting to end the friendship thing.

View Quoted Comment

I can ask her for the designer information and take a look not a bad idea thank you!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you! Prior to her choosing the dress i did have a conversation with her about my budget due to my current financial situation. I wish things were different. I personally am choosing dresses from azazie that are super reasonable since i know how much $$ things can be and i know that times are tough right now for everyone.

I understand that not everyone thinks like me when it comes to their wedding but I don't want to make a purchase I know isn't a sound financial decision.

View Quoted Comment

I am going to speak with her, especially since she isn't even sure if she is postponing her wedding or not. To me it doesn't make sense to have everyone go and put that much money down when she isn't even sure about her date.

Usually I will always take the bride's side on this one, but I think it's a big no-no to force your bridesmaids to buy a dress, and not take into consideration their budget. Spending $300 on a bridesmaid dress is ridiculous imo, I only had my bridesmaids spend $65 on their dress. @_@ Definitely talk to your friend and maybe consider backing out if it's too much on your plate.

View Quoted Comment I’m totally there with you. My girls got their dresses from Azazie. I had been looking on Azazie myself, but actually found the perfect dress 80% off on clearance at DB.

It's not selfish at all. Maybe that is the best thing to do if you are going through some things financially. You can still attend her big day just don't take on that extra burden of being in the bridal party.

View Quoted Comment She definitely shouldn't be forcing anyone to purchase anything when she isn't sure of her date. So much could change between now and if she moves her date until 2022. Weight changes or pregnancy could very easily influence if the dress you purchase now would even fit two years from now.

It’s really hard! My friend postponed her wedding, and now the shower and bachelorette (which I am planning) have to be right by my own wedding. It’s a lot financially and a lot to plan! The shower will end up being the weekend after my wedding or two weeks after, depending on the other bridesmaids’ schedules. Having important events so close together can be overwhelming.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with backing out if it’s all too much for you. If you can’t afford it, you just can’t. $300 is a crazy amount for a dress.

View Quoted Comment Everyone has been so wonderful in their support. I was afraid it would look badly on me but everyone's response has given the answer I needed.