Help! How to deal with religious family in picking our wedding date

I don’t think you’re being selfish in choosing a Saturday night. It would be great if we could all accommodate every single person on our guest list, but that just isn’t very realistic. Especially since it sounds like they’re not even a guarantee/satisfied if you choose a Sunday, I would proceed with your Saturday night option and just understand that they’ll decline.

You just have to decide what's more important to you; having a Saturday wedding or having these relatives in attendance.

Well really it’s not their decision and they shouldn’t be complaining about the day to you guys. You are inviting a lot of ppl and you don’t really want to change things for 2 ppl.
Good luck!

If you had the wedding late enough on a Saturday night (preferably in a place they could stay, so they could just walk there after sundown), they could still come. However, it is really a question of how important it is to you that they be there, and how likely it is that they would come even if you moved the time for them. You have no obligation to have the wedding at a time they could come, but they have no obligation to be there if it would violate their religion.

Absolutely. You gotta do what's best for you and the majority, not just what two (who aren't you and fh) people want.

So they just never attend Friday or Saturday weddings for friends or family ever? If I were you, I'd still choose Saturday. Then invite them to some kind of brunch on Sunday or stream the ceremony so they can watch it later. Regardless what day you pick, people won't be able to make it.

Unfortunately, you cant plan around everybody else's schedule or you will never get married!

View Quoted Comment

That's exactly what I was thinking! I thought a brunch with them the day after would work. Interesting idea about streaming it thank you!

We had a couple people decline our wedding for this reason. But a Saturday was most convenient for the rest of our guests and for us so that’s what we did. Even if you did have it on Sunday would they be able to attend since they would have to travel on Shabbat? I’m not Jewish but my husband is and his family friends that are more conservative don’t travel on that day besides to walk to places.

Do the Saturday Night wedding especially since they may not even be able to come no matter what due to health issues.

But, also do something nice for them. Maybe take a trip and visit them for a weekend and treat them to a nice dinner that is Kosher. Go with them to celebrate in their church maybe even ask if it's possible to do a simple ceremony for only them in their church. (Sorry i'm not familiar with the Jewish traditions and language)

Sometimes offering something extra special to make people feel wanted does the trick.

I think you should do a Saturday wedding and find a way to visit these relatives.

Do the Saturday wedding. Yes, they are family but you cannot plan your entire wedding to accommodate 3 people. The only people I would change it for would be my parents or siblings. As others have suggested, if they don’t attend meet them for a meal another night.

Where we are, N NH, in September sundown is before 6:30. So 7pm-12 or 7pm-1 am work . Depends where you are in your time zone. Have you looked up the time of sundown where you are getting married?

I think it more outlandish for them (2 people) to be insisting you have have a wedding on any other day of the week but the weekend where the majority (your other guests) will be able to attend. I am sorry but I wouldn't let their life choices influence your big day. Have the wedding you want.

We all want to accommodate every guest in every way we can but that seems like a pretty big ask. If you have the ceremony late enough, they may be able to still make it if they arrive before sundown Friday. If not, you and your FH will have to decide which is more important.

I have a pretty similar situation. While FH and I (and almost all of our family members) are reform, we have a handful of Orthodox family members. We chose to have a Saturday evening wedding and our ceremony will take place before sundown since it's outside (my brother is officiating rather than a clergy member so we can bend the rules). My aunt and uncle who are extremely religious plan to come as soon as they are willing to drive and will probably arrive as the reception starts, after cocktail hour. The other four orthodox family members are not as close to us and we don't know what they will ultimately decide to do (RSVP's are not due yet).

It's frustrating that they are trying to pressure you into doing a kosher meal for everyone just to accommodate them as well. As long as you provide kosher meals for them, that is completely sufficient. We are bringing in outside kosher meals for any of the orthodox guests that choose to attend.

All of this is to say - do what works best for you. If my aunt and uncle chose not to attend at all, I would be bummed but would understand and at the end of the day it's up to them. I promised to send them to ceremony video as soon as we have it.

What if you end up moving it to a Sunday *hoping* they will come, and they can't make it anyway due to travel? Then you will have made this huge accommodation for no reason. I think this is one of those situations where you can be accommodating and understanding to an extent, but do what is best for you ultimately.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much this was so helpful!

If the date on your profile is correct, sunset would be pretty late regardless of where you are. Your other option would be Friday before sunset. Depending where you are, they could attend the ceremony and maybe part of the reception before Shabbat starts.

I'm Jewish...after sunset on Saturday would wor. Depending on the time of year, it might not be that late.