Our
Just Said Yes August 2022

Help! Choosing bridesmaids when my bff cannot be at my wedding

Our, on September 24, 2021 at 1:48 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 8
Saved
Reply

Hello everyone,

As wedding planning is starting for us, I am really saddened that my family will not be able to be here for my wedding. They all live in my home country and, due to COVID and visa issues, no one will be able to attend in person. Difficult feelings apart, this leaves me with a few difficult choices, such as choosing my bridesmaids.

Other than my fiancé's sister, I cannot think of a person in the country who I would really want to be my bridesmaid, and no one for being maid of honor.

Two of my three best friends are in Brazil - one is in another state (let's call her Susan) and I am not sure if she could be a part of the wedding planning/we do not talk very frequently anymore. But again, she is in another state, and I am not sure how much she could be involved in the planning. Also, she is a singer, so I was wondering if she and her husband could be the musicians for our wedding.

I have another friend (let's call her Addy) who is in another state (is that even an issue???) and she just recently gave birth to a baby and things might be overwhelming for her to be included in the planning (although she has been really interested in helping). She is also Brazilian, so it would be nice to have someone from my culture by my side. But again, not sure how much it would be good/convenient for her. I think she would be a wonderful addition to my wedding party!

I have another friend (let's call her Maria), who invited me to be her bridesmaid two years ago. We were very good friends when she was here, but we barely talk anymore + perhaps it would be a personality issue with my future sis in law.

The option I was going for: my new two roommates and my fiancé's sister. My two roommates are really fun and caring girls, and they seem to be willing to help with the planning. They are very sweet and supportive, and honestly might be the closest people I have in town and the people who might know me and my tastes the most HERE (even though we have known each other for a few months). I am afraid, though, that not knowing each other for too long could be a potential disaster.

Any ideas? I was considering making my future SIL my maid of honor and the two roommate bridesmaids. I have also considered having "Addy" as my MoH, and have her husband as a groomsman? Any thoughts about having roommates as bridesmaids?

I really appreciate any thoughts!


-A.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Our, on September 27, 2021 at 6:07 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I personally wouldn't ask the roommates if you aren't really close. I would ask your FSIL and your bestfriends. If they can make it great, if not it's not the end of the world. Since it seems you don't know what there answer would be, the only way to find out would be by asking!
    • Reply
  • Our
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Our ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Hi! Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will ask "Addy". My roommates and I are close and we get along very well, we just don't know each other for too long. It would be helpful because they would be in town and be able to go dress shopping and helping with other planning, since all my other friends are out of state. Any other thoughts? Thanks again!!!

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I think you might have an easier time choosing if you simply thought about who you are the closest to and want beside you the most, setting aside considerations such as who can help the most with planning or providing other services, or their geographic location.

    There are so many stories on this site about people asked for the wrong reasons (to try to fix broken relationships, to get them to help with wedding tasks, family obligation, etc.) and it goes very wrong.

    Pick your nearest and dearest and then let them decide if they are willing and able. None of the roles of honor are actually required for marriage, so it's OK if they can't come (but of course, I realize it would be sad).

    As for getting help with planning, your future spouse should be your go-to partner for that. But also any friends can help if they offer and want to. They don't need to be given a title for helping.

    • Reply
  • Our
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Our ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Maggie,

    Thank you for your suggestion! I appreciate the insight and it is very helpful. I will keep that in mind Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Bridesmaids shouldn't be asked based on if they can help as it's not their job to plan anything. It is up to the couple to plan their own wedding. I would pick your bridesmaids based on who you are closest to.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    You don't have to have a certain number of bridesmaids or even a wedding party at all! Maybe it would be good to just have your FSIL, as you genuinely sound like you want her there. Also your wedding is almost a year away, and things can change.

    • Reply
  • Fiona
    Expert May 2024
    Fiona ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't ask the room mates as you have not known them very long and you have known your other friends for much longer. They might feel upset if you didn't ask them. Also, think from 20 years from now, who do you think will still be there for you and be friends with you? Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Our
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Our ·
    • Flag

    Hello, everyone!

    Thank you all for your opinions. I have decided to invite my future SIL, a really good friend, and my male best friend as my Man of Honor Smiley smile

    I appreciate all your help! I am very happy about my decision.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics