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Amy
Just Said Yes June 2022

Help choosing 2 Maids of honor or 1!?

Amy, on November 11, 2020 at 4:43 PM Posted in Planning 0 18
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Hello everyone!
I am struggling with a decision regarding my bridal party. I think it is necessary to mention that I am an extreme people pleaser. It is really hard for me to say no to people and I hate hurting feelings or destroying someone's expectations. (I know its not necessarily healthy but it is what it is). Now, I have a friend who I have known since 6th grade who has been one of my dear friends ever since! We are 25 now. However, as the years have gone by I have noticed our relationship has changed a bit. I love her dearly, but we just aren't as super close. That being said, she asked me to be her maid of honor for her wedding coming up in June of 2021. I have already decided my maid of honor is going to be my sister in law/soul sister. She is my absolute best friend. However, I have become super close with another friend of mine. We work together and we see each other outside of work at least once or twice a week. She means the world to me, and she is also super close with my fiance. I want to make her my co maid of honor as well along with my sister in law(they both get along really well too). But I don't want to hurt my old friend's feelings by not making her a MOH. She is going to be on the bridal party, but I still fear I will upset her. What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading through! Xoxo

18 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on November 13, 2020 at 5:03 AM
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    It’s an honor to be in a bridal party at all.
    I’d leave MOH as your FSIL and have the other 1 as bridesmaids.
    I definitely wouldn’t have 3 MOH it looses the “honor” (yes I said it’s an honor any way but you know what I mean) when it seems like everyone is MOH.
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  • Amy
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Amy ·
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    Definitely what I was thinking!
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I agree with this. She should feel appreciative that shes in the bridal party.
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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    I agree with Cassidy. Also being a bridesmaid/MOH isn't tit for tat.
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  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    I agree with the above; deciphering between bridesmaids and MOH seems a bit unimportant when you look at the big picture. Don’t overthink your bridal party!
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  • Jamie
    Dedicated July 2021
    Jamie ·
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    You should go with your gut and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. At the end of the day, bridesmaids are still some of your absolute favorite people that you specifically chose to stand with you and represent you, and she should be happy with that. A different title doesn't necessarily mean they are better than anyone else in the party or that you love them less. My MOH is my best friend and my bridesmaids are my 2 sisters. There is no competition between them because they are all important parts of my life, and they know this. Don't worry so much.
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  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
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    Taking a different approach here, but I would consider asking the childhood friend as co-MOH and asking the newer friend to just be in wedding party. Yes, your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest, but in either case that is true. The newer friend will not be expecting MOH and likely will be thrilled to just be in the party, (especially if the person you choose as MOH has known you almost your whole life). The older friend however will have her feelings hurt that 1) she is not your MOH (plus it means she wasn’t even in the top TWO) and 2) she now feels awkward asking you to be hers. Someone who has been in your life for 20yrs is just more likely to still be a friend in 20 more than someone who you became close with through work.
    I say this having been MOH in my childhood friend’s wedding when we were 25. I wasn’t her closest friend at that time, but our relationship has ebbed and flowed throughout the years and now we are super tight again and she will be my MOH at 32 ☺️ Logistically, I was also better able to coordinate with other bridesmaids and her family bc I’ve knew al of them and had some understanding of their preferences and financial position for party planning.
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  • Laquita
    Expert July 2021
    Laquita ·
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    Do what you feel is best for you & your overall wedding party feel. I have 2 MOHs because I couldn't choose one of my godsisters (I've known them basically my entire life) over a friend I've known since I was in 7th grade, like you, our relationship has changed a bit over the years & I didn't feel the need to include her.

    I would definitely keep my FSIL as a MOH while probably making my childhood friend a bridesmaid if you feel like you'd better prefer her in that role. My thing is being a part of the bridal party is an honor in itself and this shouldn't change the way a relationship is, don't feel pressured into putting someone in another role just because they placed you in one for their own wedding. If you feel pressured then you won't be happy. However, if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings perhaps just make your FSIL your MOH and make the work friend & childhood friend your bridesmaids.

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  • Dana
    Savvy October 2021
    Dana ·
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    Honestly I'm having a very similar problem. I have 2 close friends and originally I couldn't decide between them but chose recently due to one of them being more involved in my life. I'm also a people pleaser and I'm terrified of telling the other friend she's not gonna be MOH when the other is... But ultimately it's your day and you gotta push for what you want. Like my fiance told me, either she'll deal with it, or she can go to a not so nice phrase.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I would ask the SIL & coworker to be co MOH’s & the other to be a bridesmaid.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    You can have 2 MOH if you want, I'm having both my sister and my bestfriend be mine. But if you don't feel close with her don't feel obligated to make her one just because you are hers.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    In this situation I would probably just have your FSIL as the MOH and everyone else as bridesmaids, OR have no MOH and just have 3 bridesmaids. I did no select a MOH because I am very close with all 3 of my bridal party members.

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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    Honestly, I'd just have your SIL as your MOH and both of your friends as bridesmaids. While your coworker could end up being a lifelong best friend, more likely than not, she's a friend for a season. I know what it's like to get super close with coworkers, go out together outside of work, etc. But those relationships tend to fade as people change jobs, etc. And there's nothing wrong with that! I just think for the honor of the title, it makes a lot more sense to just have family than a relatively new pal. And not that it matters, but then you don't have to worry about hurting your old friend's feelings.

    Also, from weddings I've been to and in, it's a lot simpler to have one MOH.

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  • Amy
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Amy ·
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    My future hubby was friends with her first before me, and we all have a really close circle.(along with my future sister in law and her boyfriend) so we all get along and spend soo much time together. It wasn't just a work relationship to begin with otherwise I would definitely agree with you!
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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
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    Pick the woman closest to you for the MoH. If you have 2 or more honor attendants then the "of honor" title doesn't mean anything.
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  • Victoria
    Devoted June 2021
    Victoria ·
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    Great point when you say that if there are 3 people it loses the "honor" to it. I agree as well Smiley smile

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Agree with this. Stick with the FSIL/soul sister as your MOH and have the other two be bridesmaids. The fact that she is your husband's sister makes it that much easier to justify why she gets an elevated title/role in the wedding, so is less likely to ruffle feathers for the other two.

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  • K
    Dedicated January 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    Hi girl, I have two. I couldn't possibly choose. They're both really close to me
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