Hello everyone I’m having a bit of problems with my fiancé he thinks I’m crazy for trying to spend 20k on our venue he comes from a family where they try to save money as much as possible anyways the case is I bought my dress already and he decided he wants somewhere simple where there is dirt everywhere he’s not caring about how special this day is to me what do I tell him should I just call the wedding off ?
Slow down! Take a step back. Your wedding is special to you but you need to take his feelings into account as well. It is his wedding too, you know? Maybe he doesn't know what you want from your wedding but that means you should be working on communicating not walking away. Have you sat down with him and had a serious discussion about your separate visions for the wedding? Perhaps you can find a middle ground. Maybe he does WANT the rustic feel and is not just saying that because it is cheaper.
The first thing you need to do is to have a discussion and come to a compromise about what you both want for your wedding. The wedding is about both of you, not only one person. You need to decide on a budget amount that you both are comfortable with, how much you each are willing to contribute financially and otherwise to the wedding, the guest list, and what kind of feel you each want for the wedding. Once you have these things figured out then you can start looking to see what venues and other vendors fit your budget and guest list constraints. The key is for both of you to compromise since you seem to want different things. If you can't compromise on this, then that doesn't bode well for your future together as a couple.
Do you want to call the wedding off? Part of planning a wedding (and living married) is compromise. Did you discuss your budget and vision before you started planning or looking for things? It’s his wedding too so I think the best thing for you both to do would be to sit down and hash things out together.
Are you ready to get married if you're willing to call off the wedding over a venue? Have you two sat down and discussed a budget? I think you both need to decide how much the two of you are ok spending on the wedding and allocate funds from there.
It sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a very serious conversation about your budget and visions for the wedding. It sounds like you want a more upscale wedding whereas he wants something more laid back. Hopefully by talking to him you can come up with a compromise that will incorporate things you both are envisioning because this wedding is about both of you. This will also be a good lesson for your marriage because you often have to compromise in marriage.
Well that escalated quickly! No I wouldn’t call off the wedding over the venue. I’m sure there is a happy medium you can compromise to. Sounds like some discussions need to be had and feelings shared. Your whole marriage will be a give and take.
Whoa whoa marriage is about compromise girl. Personally I would never spend NEAR 20K for just the venue lol but you do need to take what he wants into account as well. The wedding is about the two of you, and not just you
If you are willing to pay for the venue yourself go for it, but honestly its not just your wedding - you need to have a discussion about finances and have it ASAP.
Compromises have to be made and you have to talk about what is important to each of you. I got to pick the venue because it was important to me, and he picked the food/bar package because that was important to him. Not having kids at the wedding is important to me, and not having his brother at the wedding is important to him - though he would love to invite kids and I would love for his brother and their family to be there as to not cause rifts, that is something we are compromising on.
Take a step back. First of all, you and your fiancé need to have a discussion about budget. You need to agree on a budget together. My fiancé is from a family that saves and he didn’t grow up with a lot of money, but we had a very honest conversation about our budget and we’re sticking to that budget. You both need to respect each other. You can have a beautiful wedding with compromise from both of you. But you need to start having an open and honest conversation with open communication. No, you shouldn’t call off your wedding. But you shouldn’t be making decisions about your wedding that your fiancé isn’t comfortable with.
I agree with everyone else about needing to have some serious conversations about your different wedding "visions" and budget. Prior to that discussion, I'd make sure you've done your homework and understand exactly what your preferred $20,000 venue includes, because that will have a huge impact on the total cost of the wedding. There's a BIG difference between a $20,000 fee for the venue alone and an all inclusive venue where the $20,000 cost includes things like catering, furnishings, staffing, decor, ceremony space, etc. (also, take into account tax and gratuities, which are generally an additional 25+%).
Regardless of what's included in that $20,000 take a look at various wedding budget calculators and you'll see that a really good rule of thumb is that the total reception related costs are generally about 50% of the TOTAL wedding budget (the other 50% will go toward photography, florals, music/entertainment, paper goods, yours and H's wedding attire, etc.). So even if the $20,000 venue you like includes catering, etc., it's quite possible your total wedding budget will end up being closer to $35-40,000.... Google wedding budget calculators for your area and you'll get a good idea what the range of costs are. But, it's a huge mistake to commit to a venue that takes up almost all your budget -- that pretty much guarantees that you will eventually end up way over budget. Good luck!
Before you bought anything, you should have sat down together and discussed the overall budget, size, and style, and made compromises to come to an agreement on something you are both happy with.
Since you didn't do that, I suggest doing so now before moving forward with anything else.
Compromise will be key, both with your wedding and your marriage. It's fine that you want to spend a lot, and it's fine that he comes from a family that saves money as much as possible - what matters is finding a middle-ground where you are both happy.
I agree with all PP that you need to sit down and have a conversation about your budget and visions for the wedding. But more importantly, I think you need to do some self reflection. The fact that you would even consider calling off the wedding because of a disagreement over a venue is a HUGE red flag, and an indication that you may not be ready for marriage.
Maybe I'm crazy but if that 20K included venue, food, rentals, bar and cake, then I would say you are probably right on, but is that is just the price to walk in the door then nope, bc all of those other things need to be brought in and only more costs.
Yes, definitely speak with your FH to discuss a budget and get on the same page.