Just Said Yes June 2016

Help! Bridesmaid advice needed

Kaitlyn, on January 16, 2020 at 11:55 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 6
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So my best friend (J) is getting married...YAY!!! I am so excited. HOWEVER: we are getting into the planning phase for hair, makeup, transportation, etc. and I dont know what to do about this -

My best friends sister is a hairdresser (and a very good one) who I have used for years. We will call her E. So E had offered to do my hair for my own wedding back in 2016, which I graciously accepted. Problem was: it turned out horribly. She showed up extremely late to start my hair and my MOH's hair (J - E's sister). E spent an extra long amount of time to make sure J's hair was perfect (it was) but then she left little to no time for me. It ended up with her having to re-do it three times because it just didnt look good and neither of us were happy with the first two attempts. E was un-confidently satisfied with the final result but I was so upset. She had formally done my hair before for other events and it looked amazing but I seriously cried for days after receiving my wedding pictures and seeing how bad my hair really looked. Honestly, I'm still upset about it, but E is like family to me so 3ish years later, I still occasionally go to her for cuts. I recently went to her to have my hair dyed and was just as disappointed as I was on my wedding day. I made an appointment at her salon, but E decided last minute to take another client, leaving me with virtually no time to do the dying properly and the PERMANENT dye washed out of my hair in two days. She tried to fix it, twice, charged me full price all three times and I was still back to my natural color within two days of leaving her salon. The last few times I've let E touch my hair since my own wedding, I have left disappointed and on the verge of tears. I have expressed this to E that I was not really happy (after each appointment- I didnt let it stew) with the results I've been getting and her non-chalance and overall dismissal of how I felt about my appearance is really really sad for someone who also says I am like her family. Unsurprisingly, I've decided to look around for a new hairdresser.

NOW - all this being said, my best friend, J, is insisting I go to E's salon to have my hair done on the day of J's wedding..... This might seem like a simple solution for someone on the outside, but how in the world do I tell my best friend and her sister that I absolutely do not want E doing my hair anymore. I KNOW this wedding is NOT about me or how I look, but dont I also deserve to at least be confident in my appearance? I'm completely at a loss on how to approach this and not hurt anyone's feelings and to not affect any part of J's wedding day plans.


  • Sarah
    Devoted June 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    I think it depends on who is paying. If your friend is paying for hair and makeup, I'd honestly just suck it up. If not, I'd say you have the freedom to go to whoever you choose...but you also have to decide if it's worth stirring up the drama. Maybe bring her very explicit pictures of what you want. You could also tell her that you feel the bride should get all of the attention that day and you don't want to take away from her time so you'll just get your hair done elsewhere.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    It's not going to be any surprise to E that you have a new hairdresser when she sees that you've had a cut and/or color and she didn't do it. I would keep it as professional a possible when discussing with J. "I found a new hair stylist that I love and I'm planning to have them do my hair for the wedding. That will give J more time to focus on your hair and enjoy her sister's wedding day."

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Is J paying for your hair? If not then really she does not have complete say on who does it. I would speak to her and just up front say that the last few times the hair did not come out well and you have another hair dresser you prefer to work with. She can go to whomever she wants for her wedding but if it is your money then you should be allowed to go to where you want.

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  • Michaela
    Super May 2020
    Michaela ·
    • Flag

    Wow that's a hard situation. Couple of thoughts..

    A. look for another salon near by and just not get ready with J & party (if you're THAT serious about not letting E near your hair)

    B. Suggest/ask that a second stylist at E's salon does your hair? Since the bride should get first dibs on stylist. So E can do J's hair while you get yours done by someone else

    C. Pick a really simple low key style for E to do. Pick something that you can fix yourself if it turns out badly

    Good luck girl!!

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  • Jeanie
    Rockstar February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag

    Tell your friend that you would rather her sister be able to focus on her. Let her know that you remember how time crunched she was for your wedding, and that you would hate for the same to happen to her. Also, I would have to assume that the sister is at the very minimum attending the wedding, so she will also have to get herself ready. I wouldn't allow the sister to touch my hair after all you've been through with her, but make this about doing a positive thing for your friend instead of bashing her sister. And honestly, I don't think she'll be too surprised as she is your friend and I'm sure knows how unhappy you were with your wedding hair and hair appointments afterwards even if you didn't directly say it to her.

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  • Katelyn
    Devoted October 2020
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Sarah. If she is paying for it, I would just deal with it and hope she treats you like she did your bridesmaid on your own wedding day (but also not ignoring the bride like she did you). If you are paying for it, I see no harm in saying that you have a new hairdresser that you'd like to do your hair! I gave my bridesmaids the option to get their hair and makeup done at an expense to them. 3/4 of them decided to pay for it, and I feel 0 resentment towards the one doing it on her own to save money. It just depends on who is footing the bill!

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