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Savvy August 2022

Help! Big family vs. nontraditional wedding. How do i make my reception feel like a wedding?

Emely, on May 8, 2020 at 1:29 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 6

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With the pandemic making wedding plans go amuck, we are having a nontraditional wedding August 13th, 2021 . We just got engaged on new years and were already having trouble finding venues etc in our very small budget in the Hudson Valley. Its been even more difficult since my fiancee has a VERY large family. I need help making our day feel like a wedding even though we are skipping out on more traditional reception venues.

Top 3 areas of input:1) We are considering a romatic/bono styled barn or park/pavilion styled reception but are lost with affordable catering options or food ideas. I'm afraid of doing some more affordable options out there for the fear that my family will judge me/the aesthetics. Should I really worry too much on style over substance?
2) What traditional parts should I keep in the reception (decor, speeches, etc)? We want to include yard games, and a photo booth and keep it fun overall.
3) Do I skip out on my dream traditional wedding dress (which might be a ball gown or one with a small train) for one more "simple" or safe in a nontraditional/outdoor reception?
Thank you in advance! I don't have anyone helping me since my FH family is open to more economic receptions (which I love!), but my own family can have very high standards (which causes me to stress about things I shouldn't).

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Michele, on September 23, 2020 at 9:17 PM

Master August 2019
Rebecca · on May 8, 2020 at 11:48 PM
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Hi, and welcome!
First of all: congrats!
Second: This is *your* wedding. Whatever you think your family or his family or ...whomever ... will think - take a deep breath, and tell yourself, "It's our wedding, and we get to pick what we want. It's our wedding, and no one else's opinion matters, EVER."
I know, it's hard! But I promise you, if you repeat it often enough, you believe it... and there's your secret to peace.
Some advice from having done this.
DH and I had a mantra: If we didn't remember it from someone else's wedding, it didn't matter.
We also set ourselves three and a half goals.
1. Get legally married by the end of the day
2. Feed our guests
3. Entertain our guests
3. 5. Have a swordfight (we're actors, this was part of our entertainment)

So, basically, sit down with your FH and figure out what kind of wedding you two want. What you can afford, and how you want to go about it. This wedding should reflect the two of you, not the "standards" of your family, or what they expect. A reception should feed your guests in some way, that's really all that's required. If you want music, hire a DJ, or set up an iPod with good speakers.
As for the dress - you wear whatever dress you feel amazing in! Seriously, when we get out of lockdown, go dress shopping. You never know what dress you'll fall in love with - but get it. Because it'll be appropriate as long as you are happy!
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WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
Lynnie · on May 12, 2020 at 5:25 PM
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Hi Emely! I agree with Rebecca - focus on what you want and what's most important to the two of you, and stop worrying about others expectations!!
One thing you could do is have a full traditional wedding ceremony followed by an afternoon cake & punch reception (or just appetizers and cocktails). Hosting a reception during a non-meal time is a big way to save money when you have lots of guests! You could still wear a big traditional wedding dress and do all of the reception traditions like speeches, spotlight dances, and the cake cutting.
It sounds like it might be best for you to lock down the catering portion first! (Especially if that's the least negotiable part of your budget!) You should also try reaching out to restaurants and country clubs that might be willing to waive room rental fees in favor of a minimum food & beverage spend!
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Super February 2020
Karla · on May 12, 2020 at 5:34 PM
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Congrats!

Do what you want, girl! It’s about the couple and what you guys want for your day.
In regards to your dress— I know a lot of people suggest picking a dress based on your venue, but I literally picked a pretty traditional dress for my wedding at a zoo. So there really are no hard and fast rules for these things.
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Savvy August 2022
Emely · on May 12, 2020 at 9:20 PM
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Omg, a zoo?! That's awesome! I am going with what I feel beautiful in. I appreciate everyone's support & input!
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Chandani · on September 23, 2020 at 9:11 PM
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My fiancé and I are planning our wedding in that region (though more Catskills really) for Sept 2021. I’m also so lost on catering because these prices are insane and I have 12 siblings alone!! So I’ll be checking back to see what you find
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Super October 2022
Michele · on September 23, 2020 at 9:17 PM
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You show up in wedding attire, provide refreshments no one has to pay for and good entertainment. Have a photographer document it. Speeches/toasts, introductions, tosses, favors are all optional and no one will miss them. Don't overthink it.
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