Help! Aisle walk-one dad refusing to come to the wedding!

Do u have a son or grandfather? I'm in the same boat so my 13 yr old son who is taller than me will be walking me because I don't want to offend anyone. Good luck

Why not have one walk you down the aisle & the other do the father/daughter dance. Your mom, step-dad, and biological dad could all say "We Do" when asked who gives this woman, if you're doing that part.

Sorry but that sounds really selfish and self-centered of him. Honestly I wouldn't bend over backwards to accommodate him. Good luck.

I am so sorry for you, no girl should have to put up with that attitude on her day...

Now, my mom had that dilemma when she married my dad. She originally was going to have both of them by her side on her walk down the aisle, because she did not want to offend both of them.

Fortunately, her biological father couldnt make it and the baton was passed on to her step father, much to the relief of my mother, my father, my grandmother, and her husband...

I understand your point, but do try to see it from his view. He is being selfish and self centered and very harsh towards you. However, he does have a right to feel this way regardless of the mistakes done in his past. I suggest you and someone who is close to him and you sit him down and be honest with him. Explain to him about your feelings towards your stepfather and how he has played a major role in your life raising you to be the woman you are now. But also tell your biological father that just because you want your step (contd)

Father to walk you down the aisle, does not mean you love him more than you do him. Just have an open mind towards his emotions. Also take what the other ladies said into suggestion. Have two Father/Daughter Dances and offer a toast to him. You dont necessarily have to please him, but if you want to placate the situation, there's a suggestion.

Why not have both of them walk you!

Sounds like your biological dad wants to call all the shots: he was a jerk to you when you were a kid and he's being a jerk to you now. Don't cater to him; he cares more about himself than you. Instead of acknowledging that your stepfather is really the guy who raised you and deserves the honor of walking you down the aisle (even halfway!), he's throwing a fit. From his perspective, he probably wants his side of the family to think that he's this great dad and you guys have such a great relationship, but they'll question that if they see you with your stepdad.

He's trying to manipulate you. If you want to share all the father/daughter stuff with your stepdad, do it. Don't do anything just to make your bio dad happy because he clearly doesn't care about making YOU happy. If he says that he won't attend the wedding, say, "I am very disappointed to hear that. I'll miss having you there."

If I were you, I would try and explain to bio-dad the reason why you prefer step dad to walk you down. Tell him that you still want him there and apart of your big day but he can't expect you to do it his way. And if he doesn't like it, or is uncomfortable ten its his choice whether he comes or not

That's controlling and manipulative of him.

It's easy to be on the outside looking in, but I wonder if you said, well, I've thought about what you said about walking me down the aisle and it makes me sad, but I respect your position. Maybe we can get together after the wedding for dinner so you can see pictures.

If you push back, I wonder if he'd concede.

You can say it in anger. You have to to sound confident, calm, and matter-of-fact. If he tries to suck you into an argument or screaming match, don't do it.

Families are weird, aren't they? There's a great reading from Anne Lamott about how we all try, on this one day, to combine nutty relatives, crazy weather, money and food and emotion and make it all hang together because love rules all. (If you'd like the reading anyone, just email me, lol....a LOT of my couples choose it....)

Anyway, it's a tough space, as you've found. A line I also use a lot is, "The family you've inherited and the family that you've chosen." And that's so true.

For now? I'd probably have a talk, (knowing that there is no concrete right answer that will please everyone), let the fallout settle, and revisit it in a few months.

Me? I'd have your bio dad walk you half way (kind of like he did in life....) and then have your step dad take you to the altar. I doubt that, when he's had a chance to think about the reality of the relationships, he'll bail on the wedding. It's a once in a lifetime cameo, and no matter how mad he is now, I suspect he'll calm down.

Personally I would have the father that raised me walk me down the aisle. All of the sudden coming in to my lfie when I am grown doesn't really make you a father and producing sperm doesn't really make you a father (sorry guys).

He is probably mad at himself which would explain the reaction, but if I was your step-dad I would be beyond hurt if you chose your biological father over me to walk you down the aisle. It's selfish of your bio dad to have you choose between doing it his way and him being at the wedding - I'm sorry but no one gets to dictate who walks you down the aisle that is 100% your choice.

Your bio dad sounds like an ass. I would tell him not to come if he can't be supportive. He's the one who didn't live up to his duties as a father, and therefore, your mom found someone else who did..someone who was there for you your whole life pretty much! And he has the nerve to be mad that you want the man who has been there for you to be involved?! That's so incredibly selfish.

Figure out what YOU want to do. If he doesn't respect that, I would tell him to not even bother showing up. Your family is supposed to be making things easier for you during this time, not making you stress.

(((I'm sorry...my dad is a piece of crap and it really pisses me off when he thinks he is entitled to things because he was basically a sperm donor (and in his mind, he's a wonderful father). I'm inviting him to the wedding, but I am about 90% sure he will bail at the last minute. He also threw a fit when I said my mom was walking me down the aisle.)))

They both should walk you, one gave you life (your dad), and the other one took that responsibility that should have been his (your dad). Your dad needs to understand that he owe something from your stepdad, it is not easy and it is not his responsibility to take on the role of a father but because he loves your mom, he then extended that love onto you. Good luck sweetie.

I walked myself down the aisle and avoided any drama!

I would tell him that unfortunately he didnt raise you, so therefore you cannot give him the honor. I would tell him that if he chooses to be absent once again from a major event in your life because he's throwing a tantrum that's his decision but you will be disappointed just as you were your whole childhood.

My bio dad gets called Tim and I call my step dad dad in front of him. My bio dad was treated as a guest... I've only known him 3 years and were not super close. He understands his actions brought him to this.

I'm sorry, but:

"The one who raises a child is called a father, not the one who helped make it"

...the tradition is for the FATHER of the bride to walk her down the aisle, period.

So my dad was married before him and my mom married and had 2 girls.1 was getting married. My dad was there for the girls when they were little, he divorced, married my mom. Their mom would never let them cone play with us, I rarely saw them, bug my dad always called them, gave them birthday cards. Their mom was just being a witch. Anyway my dad was NOT a bad father to them. When they divorced his ex wife began a relationship with another man... we'll call him bob. Bob apparently helped raise the girls. Planning my older sisters wedding, she asked my dad if it would be ok if he started walking her down the aisle and pass her onto bob. He was devastated. I've never seen him like that. He said I need to walk you the whole way or else I can't do it. Needless to say, we didn't attend the wedding, I had my bridesmaids dress bought with the shoes. Never wore it. But my dad still made the potato salad that she asked him to make for the reception. I think you need both of them to walk you down. People do make mistakes, but if they are giving a good effort to change and it's been going well, sometimes you need to give second chances. Good luck!

When you write "my dad is a piece of crap and it really pisses me off when he thinks he is entitled to things", it's hard to believe that he sees any sincerity in your wedding invitation. The fact that you're 90% sure he'd bail suggests he's actually on the same page as you are knowing you perceive him as a piece of crap . If all that is true it's hard to believe you'd miss him (he is a piece of crap you know) at the wedding and he made the right call not to show.

My dad and step dad will both walk me down the aisle - one on each arm. My sister did the same thing last year at her wedding and it worked beautifully. Everyone enjoyed the sentiment, and both dads were ultimately ok with it. I haven't had a perfect relationship with either of them (who has a perfect relationship with anyone?), but I do love them both and in the spirit of love on my wedding day, they are both going to be involved. My sister and I talked about it years ago and decided it was what we would both do. Of course, everyone's dynamic is different, so this may or may not work for some people.

Choose your step father..is the way you wanna go.