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A
Beginner April 2020

Help Advice please

Ashley, on July 23, 2019 at 11:38 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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ANONYMOUS POST ‼️
So my fiancé and I want a somewhat small wedding (100 people)My mom has been giving me the blues about the guest count . She wants to invite everyone and their moms. I’ve explained to her that we only want a certain amount of people who have been there for us throughout our lives.

However I did compromise and increase it a bit since her and my dad are paying for the wedding.( 110-120 people ) Well she went to a wedding and people are asking her if they could come to our wedding. These are people who I’ve met maybe once or twice in my life. I told her no and she got upset ,hung up in my face and refuses to talk to me now.

I don’t want my wedding to become a show. I’ve been trying to keep the peace with her but she is really stressing me out and refuses to listen. I’ve tried to talk to her and same with my dad and she’s good for a while then she starts tripping again. She feels since she is paying she should be able to invite who she wants. I feel it’s selfish of her. I’ve already increased the guest count once and don’t want to keep doing it.
HELP!
TIA!

19 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on July 23, 2019 at 10:00 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Tell her no. I would prepare to pay for the wedding yourself if she so chooses to pull her financing.
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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    If she is paying she has a a say in who is invited. You need to tell her something like you can invite X amount of friends and X amount of relatives but after that, that's it. My parents are paying for almost our whole wedding and I did this with them. I asked them who they wanted to invite and they gave me a small list and I said ok, if this is it then that's it, the list is finalized I am not adding anyone else. She is paying so she does have a say but you need to put up some kind of boundaries so she doesn't invite everyone she has ever met.

    I also told them they will have to pay more money towards the wedding if they keep inviting people and that seemed to help them not invite more people lol.

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  • DuttonSandersWedding
    Expert September 2019
    DuttonSandersWedding ·
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    This is a difficult situation. I would maybe remind her that the day isnt about her or any of your guests for that matter. It's about you and your FS. Maybe say something about how its rude to only invite extra guests from only your side of the family. If she's going to continue to invite extras she needs to include people from FS side as well. Maybe that will deter her a little more.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Smiley sad I totally hear you but I think it's a bit of a slippery slope since she is the one paying for it. That's kind of what makes it so difficult. But I think just being like mom I know you want to share this moment with people but I'd really prefer a more low key smaller intimate wedding . And hopefullyyyyy she comes around
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  • A
    Beginner April 2020
    Ashley ·
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    I have no problem with her inviting people. However these are people I have met maybe once or twice in my life. We did discuss certain people and that's why I increased it once already. My side is already bigger than my FH. I just don't want people who I don't know at my wedding. She's doing it because they invited them to her wedding and I haven't even been invited to one of the weddings. She says she will pay for more people but I know for a fact she can't do it financially. I've tried boundaries but she just wants more and more.

    My dad is also paying for half of the wedding and he's like its my day and who I want to be there will be there. I don't want everybody in our hometown at my wedding and I don't feel as if I should keep bending on my day.

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  • A
    Beginner April 2020
    Ashley ·
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    Yea I'm getting to that point. It just sucks.

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  • A
    Beginner April 2020
    Ashley ·
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    I've tried that . She doesn't want to listen and now we aren't even talking.

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  • Arielle
    Expert August 2020
    Arielle ·
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    I would give her a couple days to cool off and talk to her again. It is your wedding, it should be your decision. Maybe compromise to like 130-140?

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    If she's paying she does get to invite whomever she wants. If you want to do it your way pay for it yourself.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    If you don't want her to have a say in the guest list, then pay for the wedding yourself. IMO, when parents pay for the majority they get to choose the majority of the guest list.

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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    Agree with this. I don't think your mom is being selfish. My mom wanted to invite extras but she isn't paying for the wedding so it was an easy no for me.

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  • Tonia
    Expert October 2019
    Tonia ·
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    If she's paying for it, maybe you could approach it as the more people she invites the more that is going to cut into what you want for the day, financially. Ask her what is more important to her for your wedding day. That may open up a conversation where you guys can come to a compromise. Good Luck.

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  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
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    I just said no. If you're non-confrontational, you can tell her you're entire budget is accounted for - if she wants anyone added the price per person (including any chair and rental costs). That usually helps get someone to backdown really quick.

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  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
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    My mom is sort of like this. Every time we talk about guests there’s always like 20 more people added to the list. So what I’m doing is having her and my FMIL make a list of people they want invited and then my FH and I are going to sit with the two lists and pick people we really want there. That way there’s a little bit from each side and no one can really get mad. If she has a problem I think it’s perfectly fine to say that you have a limited number of seats and stuff unless she wants to foot the extra cost. If she has no problem paying for all of the extra people she’s inviting I just wouldn’t say anything. Also I’d ask a venue or two for an estimated cost list for the amount of people she thinks you should have. That might deter her a bit. People think it’s all fun and games until you find out you’re paying 10k for just food. And that’s just chicken lol
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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    The easiest solution is to pay for your own wedding so you can invite who you want. As others said, when parents pay for the wedding then they get to say who is invited. No one is forcing you to take their money for your wedding. Most couples today pay for their own wedding (we did).

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  • Krissyl
    Devoted October 2019
    Krissyl ·
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    I personally dont agree with the fact that if they are paying they get to decide things. Them paying is a gift that they decided to give but that doesnt mean they get to dictate and give them a free pass to make decisions. At the end of the day it's about you and your fiance and what you want she be more important than who your mom wants to invite, especially if they are basically strangers to you.
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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Has she even seen the cost on paper? She may quickly change her mind when she does. I would counter her argument with facts. You increased the guest list to include more for her, which was more than you wanted. Every extra person is costing both her and dad more money. You are compromising, she is not. At what point does her friends start to effect other parts of the budget you feel are important?
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  • Sara
    Expert October 2020
    Sara ·
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    I have a problem with the "if she's paying she can invite/do whatever she wants", why is it your wedding then? If she gets to do whatever she wants because she's paying then why doesn't she just throw herself a vow renewal. but you might end up having to pay yourself.


    Can you explain why you want the smaller guest list?

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  • A
    Beginner April 2020
    Ashley ·
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    Krissy Sara and D you understand where I’m coming from. I’m trying to understand it myself. My dad is saying the same thing. It’s my wedding and I should have who I want. I’m prepared to pay for my own wedding but it’s crazy how someone offers but wants to pull strings. It’s not like I’m not inviting anyone from her side but she is really pushing it.
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