Heavy Out-of-town Guest Etiquette

Maybe a next day brunch, and making sure they are aware of options for transportation, getting to and from the airport, or providing/paying for it, maybe booking a shuttle so people on the same flight can travel together in one trip

Beyond those, I'm not sure what else you could do!

I feel like if they really want to be there, they don't need door prizes. They're willing to travel to another hemisphere to be with you guys. Love those who love you, OP. Have a lovely, well-hosted wedding. Spend as much time with them as you can. Try to help them feel welcome. You can't do that with "stuff." Does that make sense? Also, I think it's beautiful that you want to do extra things.

I would say treat it as a destination wedding for a lot of them. Send out save-the-dates pretty early (as long as your guest list won't change) so they can arrange travel.

Mallory: Great ideas! I had tossed around arranging a shuttle and I think we will for sure. The hotels in the area all have free airport shuttles, but there are none to our wedding location so that would definitely be helpful for guests!

Jess'sGirl: Thanks! We just care a lot about appreciating them since they are investing so much. I definitely agree about time and not gifts or items. We will do our best!

FutureMrsR: Thanks! We have a guest list that is mostly family, so we will definitely send them out far in advance. Thinking of it as a destination wedding is great idea.

Additional question: Any thoughts on how to decide who to invite to the rehearsal dinner? I recently went to my cousin's wedding and they invited all family who came from out of town, but that may be cost-prohibitive since that would be about 90 people. Again, though...we want to value their effort in coming from so far away (and the 2-3k cost per flight, ugh)...and we definitely don't want anyone to feel excluded.

120 of my 150 guests are OOT. We are sending out the Save-the-Dates one year in advance and the invitations six months in advance, so OOT can plan (~20 are coming internationally). We have three hotel blocks in different price ranges (between $209-$139/night) plus one of the hotels has bunk bed enclaves (for guests with children), OOT guests are invited to the Rehearsal Dinner the night before and Day-After Brunch, and I made sure the wedding event locations (Rehearsal Dinner and Day-After Brunch restaurants and wedding venue) were within a mile of each other and close to other popular sights (the wedding is in DC) so they can make a weekend out of it. Having that many guests for a meal means you will have to rent out the whole or majority of a restaurant (for our Rehearsal Dinner, we rented out 3/4 of the restaurant, excluding the bar area, and that was $12,000 for three hours), and that can get expensive but do some research on restaurants or caterers in your area. It could be as simple as a backyard BBQ or picnic in a public park for the Rehearsal Dinner and Day-After Brunch.

Thanks Yoomie. That helps to put it in perspective. Are you going to a restaurant for both the rehearsal dinner and brunch? We are working with a somewhat modest budget and want to balance hosting and not going into debt! Just trying to get some ideas to ponder.

If you would like to host all the OOT's at the RD but budget is a concern, you have a couple of options. You can have a casual RD like pizza and beer, pasta or BBQ. Or, you could invite all the OOT's to join you after dinner for coffee/dessert.

My fiancé and I were just discussing this, as we are in a similar situation with our destination wedding and his huge family. After reading a couple different ideas and reading up on the etiquette of it, the best options I've found are to include a "tour of the town" type of card within their welcome bags, that includes budget friendly things to do near the accommodation site parks, museums, etc.) as well as places you recommend to eat at. And/or adding an informal (but welcoming) invite in the bag for your guests to meet up with you and your soon to be hubby for an after dinner drink at a specific place and time. Hope this helps

Great ideas everyone, thanks!

Well, you're inviting 90 - 120 guests, but with those 1/3 and 1/3 OOT percentages you cited, you could either end up with a larger wedding or a small wedding. Get the wedding date out via word of mouth in the next few months, and follow up with printed STDs much closer to your wedding date.

You don't have to jump through any hoops to sweeten the prize. What's inside a guest bag, what local sites or tours you might organize, or what kind of dinner your invited guests will be hosted to won't have much of an influence on your long distance guests' decision to accept or decline your invitation. Your guests will make that decision based on their work schedules/vacation schedules/family obligations/finances/health concerns/or their close relationship to you and/or your FH. There's nothing you could add to a welcome bag that would tip the scales for a guest halfway around the world or halfway across the country. Besides, even if you could add a precious gem to every guest bag, how would you get that information to them -- and if you could, would you want that to be the reason they attended your wedding?

At this point, about two years out, a simple "heads up" might be appropriate (via phone call or email), but these potential guests probably won't take the wedding date seriously until the spring of 2018....but it will be in the back of their minds.

They will attend your wedding because they love you and they are available (and financially able) to attend. Manage your expectations...that's the best advice I can give you.

@Sydney Yes, the Rehearsal Dinner and Day-After Brunch are both at (different) restaurants. There are three families between FH and I (FH's biological parents are divorced) so each took an event to host (Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding, Day-After Brunch). But, again, you don't have to host them at a restaurant.

My FMIL would agree with @Mrs. Fall Bride. FMIL reminds me that etiquette states that if a guest comes in from out-of-town for your wedding, the least you can do is feed them.

Hi OP! My H and I are the same!! he's from Australia and I'm from the US! We did LDR for 4.5 long years and he moved over in January and we got married in March! So excited for you guys to close the distance!! I know you must be super excited and ready!

We invited lots of his family and friends and about 20 of them made the trip! I had a lot of out of town guests as well as my family is pretty scattered. Are any of them planning on visiting other places while they're here? Our wedding was in AZ so pretty much all the Australians who came road tripped from LAX and went to Disney, the Grand Canyon, Vegas etc. They may not be in town for too too long if they're hoping to explore other places too?

We did try and spend lots of time with the Australian guests while they were here but they were super understanding that we were getting married that weekend and were busy and were happy to explore on their own too! Definitely give them ideas of local places around that they might find interesting to see! My family did have his family over for dinner most of the week of (they had never met in person prior to) to help save them on eating out and to get to know them better. H and I also went out downtown with the younger crowd a couple nights before. We had the rehearsal dinner at my parents house so we could have all the out of country/out of town guests come and was much less expensive than going out to a fancy restaurant. I usually agree that rehearsal dinners shouldn't be a mini wedding but it was so nice having alll of our family and friends together in the same place - something that probably won't happen again. My parents also graciously invited all the Australian guests to brunch at their house the day after. Some had already left already but the rest did come and it was super casual and low key. We opened presents and just hung out until it was time to say our goodbyes to his family.

Just remember they are making the trip because they are excited for you guys and want to support you and FH! They also may figure it's a great idea to finally take that overseas trip. Definitely spend time with them while they're here and appreciate the time you have with both families together!Inviting them to the rehearsal dinner would be nice since they're making a big trip (it can be casual and low key) but don't feel like you need to go broke hosting everyone every day they're in town. Best of luck to y'all!

Rachel: Thanks for your input! We are inviting around 140, but have been casually planning for about a year and have at least 90 who have told us they will be there (informally). We are less worried about items and more about what is appropriate in terms of hosting and time with us. Thanks!

Yoomie - I also have divorced family and both are looking to contribute, so I may suggest this. Thanks for the idea!

Mrs. Fall Bride - That is what our heart was telling us too...We know it is a long way to come and it really means so much to us. We will likely just get creative with making meals and such more casual. I like the idea of calling it a welcome dinner!

Dani - Ah! That is so exciting. We are super ready to be close...it would be sooner but he is finishing up work and family obligations there first. We have been friends for 10 years, so it has definitely been a long time coming.

I'm not sure about his family's other plans yet. That would be a great question to ask...most know already that our wedding is coming up in 2019 so they can plan financially. We also have our hotel blocks downtown, so even in town there are many activities to do (relative to Omaha, NE of course).

I love the idea of having them to my house. It is a wonderful hosting location. We've held many parties there and it dressed up nicely. I actually LOVE hosting and decorating. Unfortunately it is about an hour drive from where we are getting married. I still may send out the invite and we could carpool (we have about 6 cars between my family nearby), and could get creative if needed.

Your advice and experience is super helpful, thank you!!

Mrs. Fall Bride - Great ideas! We both absolutely love Olive Garden, so I adore that suggestion. The grilling idea is one I never would have though of. Thank you!

We are having the pre wedding dinner at our house. Nothing fancy-baked ziti, meatballs, salads. That way all 60+ family members and out of town guests can get to meet each other before the big day. We have also booked a shuttle from the hotel where most are staying (out of 45 rooms, our wedding guests have booked 22!).

All but 3 of our guests are OOT guests. Our venue holds a brunch the next day for attendees.

Anna: I like that a lot! We are both super close to our families, and want them to get to know each other too. That is a great additional reason to have everyone at a pre-wedding dinner.