Heartbreaking Family Loss for Bride and Groom

That’s so tough and all my sympathies go out to you. We are in a similar situation. FH’s mom passed away almost 4 years ago shortly after we were dating. I unfortunately never got to really know her so your relationship with her is special and you will always cherish it. Grieving is a weird process. It can take months or years and all people take this sadness differently. Being there can simply be listening, doing extra chores, being a shoulder to cry on, giving space, or holding. No one will be able to take her place, but you can always honor her memory at your wedding. That is what we are doing for FH’s mom, dad, and eldest sister who have all passed away recently. There are many ideas on Pinterest. Try talking to a professional if things get really bad, but most importantly let yourself be sad. It’s okay to grieve. You don’t have to hide it. Hopefully this helps. These are always difficult situations.

Thank you Cori...it does help especially to know that others have experienced it and got through it ok.

Hi Savanah, my would be FMIL died after battling cancer exactly a year after my fiancé and I moved in together. I feel so blessed to have gotten to know her when she was with us. I often research ways to memorialize her at the wedding, and we'll definitely have an empty seat in the front row...maybe with a candle, maybe with a framed photo. Not sure yet! But it makes me tear up every time I think about it (and it's been almost 3 years).

I'm so sorry for both of you. It really puts things into perspective - I feel so envious when other brides post rants on here complaining about their mother in laws. Like I would put up with soooo much drama if it meant having her with us on the wedding day!

As for advice, it's hard to say. My FH and I had only been together a year, and our second year together right after her death was extremely rough. He really went through it. We nearly broke up a few times, but going through that together we learned so much about each other and in the end it brought us closer together. I still have both my parents so I could never really understand exactly what it was he was feeling and experiencing after losing his mother - so just a LOT of patience and understanding and love and PATIENCE.

Good luck to you! And again, so sorry for you loss!

Thank you Katie...I also still have my parents and it was ironic because we were worried about my grandmother (who's is 91 this year and has MS) and my FH was worried about my dad (who is 68 this year and was just diagnosed with Chronic Bronchitis and COPD) making it to the wedding, we never thought we had to worry about his mom (she was only 50). So I have like this almost guilt and I while i loved her and she was special to me I can't totally relate because she was not my mom biologically and it's just so hard to comfort my FH and his family because I feel like I just want to fix it and make them feel better but I can't and its upsetting.

I am sorry for your loss.

The biggest thing is to be there for them. Do not tell them everything will be okay because while that will eventually be true and it is logical, to someone who is grieving, it is not and can feel like the end of the world. It will be hard, but try to not dwell on the fact that she is no longer here on those days or else you will be even more sad about it.

My FH's dad passed away a few months ago. Planning the wedding is very bittersweet. While he's very excited and involved he also gets very sad and is missing his dad terribly. We've been together for 10 years so I got to know my FFIL very well and loved him very much. Its hard, no getting around that. All you can do is be there for them, give them space when they need, an extra tight hug sometimes and keep your FMIL's memory alive. Also allow yourself to grieve. It's a loss for you too, though not the same as it is for your FH. I have a memorial charm for my bouquet and we'll have a picture of him at our ceremony and our priest will say a special prayer for him. I know he'll be there with us, as will your MIL.

My FFIL passed 14 months before our wedding (2 months from wedding date currently). It’s just taking everything day by day. Push back what you can and plan what you can. Every conversation is a sensitive one regarding the wedding but planning really got paused for about 2 months until we could get back into the groove. Everyone grieves at their own pace and that can be the hardest when you want or need to get some stuff planned or finished.

My would be future MIL passed away about 16-17 years before I met my FH, he was a teenager when that happened. I agree with PP everyone grieves in their own way and it takes time. May is always a difficult month for my FH, because of mother's day, it's the same month that his mom passed away and it's her birthday as well. I give him some space, make things optional such as going to my mom's for mother's day. I know when my FFIL came into town with his girlfriend about a month ago; we went to see the venue it was hard for my FH because he really wanted his mom there.

Katie is so correct too, I'm so jealous as well whenever I see other brides posting about rants about their FMIL. I wish I could of met mine and that she was here to celebrate.

One thing I am doing to honor her is an idea I had from one of my discussions. Another bride suggested cuff links in memory of my FH mom. I love the idea and I ran it past my FFIL and he started crying; but loves the idea as well. https://www.etsy.com/search?q=memorial%20cuff%20links

I am so sorry for your loss and just give yourself and your FH time to heal.

We haven't gone through this yet, and hopefully won't, but FH's mom was diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer on March (about 8 months before our wedding. Like you, FMIL is amazing and I feel so blessed to be so loved by FH's family. She was just finishing treatment for gallbladder cancer when we started dating (we had met and become friends about 5 years before that). We are all trying to stay positive but we are very aware of the dismal number that go along with that diagnosis. I have honestly hit a wall with planning, I just don't want to do anything because there is a chance she won't be there with us. She has another scan in July after her first round of Chemo and depending on those results we might just do something small at the courthouse with our parents so she can be there to see her baby boy get married.

All I can see is lean on each other and give yourself and him grace. I know sometimes I get so wrapped up in being "strong for the family" since she is not my mother, that I forget that I am allowed to hurt, I am allowed to ask for help. She isn't my mother, but she is someone important to me, its important to remember that. There will be good days and bad days, days that you want to rip each other apart and days that you want to hold on to each other and not let go. Bad days don't mean you hate each other, it means you are moving through the process and, although it might be unfair, you are the safe place for him to release his anger and he is yours. It will get better. Also, don't be worried about taking her off lists for invites etc. right away. A time will come when you can do that, but you don't need to rush it. I still have my uncles phone number in my phone, we lost him 2 years ago.

Hang in there, it won't be easy but the darkness will pass.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Tara.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Sharon.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Britani.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Kelsey...the cuff links is something I never thought about but I will definitely be looking for some daisy ones now (they were her favorite flower)

View Quoted Comment Thank you Kristin...praying for your FMIL to make it to your wedding and more.