He wants to elope...

It's entirely possible to have an "unofficial" ceremony before your ceremony with friends and family, but only one of these can be your legal wedding.

This is what we are doing. Private ceremony in Las Vegas in January and then ceremony and reception back home in September.

As long as you're honest with guests that you're already married, I don't see an issue!

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But I don't want to be legally married. I want to be legally married with my friends and family. That's why I want an unofficial ceremony. Is that possible? I'm not sure how the laws work...

You can do a "handfasting" or "private vow ceremony" or whatever you want to call it that's not an actual legally binding ceremony. You'd basically go through the motions without the paperwork


That just seems like extra work though. Since your FH has agreed to a wedding I'd just do a wedding and maybe keep it small. If your FH prefers to elope simply because it's cheaper, then there's really no point in that extra ceremony

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Soooo my FH is the same and ultimately I am eloping. He wants it to be him and I. As women we are quick to do what we want but ultimately it is about him too. I would love to have even a small wedding but that would make the day unenjoyable for him. We are planning to elope and I will have a post celebration afterwards and even some few girlie get togethers beforehand. I would compromise and do a small, intimate wedding. See if he likes that. It could be the idea of having a lot of people there that makes him feel uneasy. You both need to do something that makes you both happy, not just one person. You can have close friends and family there so you get that benefit but then less people to make him happy. Also, ask him why does he feel this way? Is it nerves or budget?

I would highly suggest you do a first look and say your vows to each other there. It will be a special, private, intimate moment and then you can do the "repeat after me" type vows for the actual ceremony. You get legally married in front of everyone, he gets a private intimate moment without having to speak publicly (something he wrote).

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Yes, good idea...and I'm curious to know why as well.

I tried 4 times to convince my fiance to do a private wedding but, he insists on having a big one. Maybe because we both never had a fairytale wedding- it was just through the court. So I believe that he is looking forward to this big celebration. I was just trying to save him $10,000 but he doesn't care about the money (thank goodness for credit cards) but apparently he wants to show his family how happy he is, to be spending the rest of his life with me. That means a lot to him, and to me as well. Everyone has different reasons for doing things certain ways.

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It's not really nerves or budget. He's just thinking, we're the ones getting married and committing ourselves to each other so why do we need a bunch of people there and a big event? It should just be about us. I get it and it's sweet. That's why I want to give him an intimate ceremony if we can. He won't be unhappy if we had a big or small wedding, but if it were up to him we would elope. I wish we could just do a small intimate wedding and that was the plan. Maybe 50 people, but the guest list is at 200 now. We're hoping to get it to 80-120.

View Quoted Comment Lol sounds like my fh. He's go to the courthouse. Did you send stds or invitations?

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Nope not yet! We'll probably send out invitations in December or January.

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Then I would say now is the time to decide if you want to make this an intimate ceremony or bigger before you let people know your plan.

View Quoted Comment Oh ok. I totally understand, it should just be about you two. Mine is currently at 120 and will keep it there, or possibly decrease as it gets closer, and people decline.